Yesterday broke through my personal firewall. For the 1st time in long months, I fell victim to unconditional fear. I was scared out of my wits...with not much of a basis.

1st it was the thought of having to go Pasir Ris Park again...this time at 7/8pm+. It felt wrong. Even though I knew I was going to be perfectly fine.

Then it was the train at Simei station. When approaching Simei MRT Stn from the eastward-bound train, the train on the opposite platform which also happened to be approaching started to horn. HORN. I've always been traumatized by horns of normal cars on the roads, and now the sound is coming from a TRAIN.

Following which, my companion told me about his dream, which was absolutely traumatizing yet again. I started praying to God, praying that that particular repetitious dream wouldn't come true for real. I kept silent...

Later, arriving at Downtown East, we heard a "meow". No, actually it was many, many, many, shrill "meow"s. It was a kitten, stuck in a tree. An little me, being a cat activist, was so scared for the cat, who was on its own too petrified of the height from which it stood. My heart went out to the poor kitten.

Then I started to worry about reaching home past 9, the time that I promised my mom by which I would arrive home.

And when walking along the beach, the pitch-darkness got to me. I was never afraid of darkness, but for some reason I was scared. It wasn't because of fear of the supernatural, neither of the unknown, neither of unforseen events. So I don't know why...

Maybe I was tired of being strong, yet again. Tired of standing on my own. Tired of being alone all the time. Just sick of being a 'stand-alone-complex'.