Ahh..I'm supposed to be sleeping now. No, I'm supposed to be sifting through my My Documents folder and back-up my files (my sis is sending my CPU to the doctor later today..)...eh..NO..I'm supposed to be doing my Primer 3 project now!!

Ahh..yes..Primer 3 has finally begun. I'm grouped with okay-okay people. All-girls team. Team name: designo'R
Task allocated to me: Human circulation around/at existing site; Best viewsheds of site.
Percentage completed: less than 50% (despite the time...no I refuse to say I'm sleepy..)
I realise there're some things I need to make clear about my scope of task 1st thing tomorrow. I'm a bit lost. A BIT only.

And...well..I may seem like I don't care, like I ignore, like I know nothing of the situation. But keep in mind, especially if you're close to me...I *always* know. And care. And be bothered about it. Ai can't possibly totally isolate you from Ai, Calvin. Ai will always be looking out for you. And Ai will always be there. (Oh. Haha. I seem to be enjoying playing the triple-pun on the word/name 'Ai'. Its fun and effective!)

Also...yesterday, it dawned on me...

The doors are still open. My brethren has come.

The light.

I see it.

And, I vow not to lose sight of it too easily ever again.

And, my brethren, don't cloud my aims just because I seem like I'm not making progress. Keep the doors open.

I wanna get there. And I hope you'll help me.
You're there, and I'll take advantage of that.
Don't close the doors on me. Never.

I haven't forgotten the taste of glory, when glory came pouring all over my overwhelmed soul, a long time ago. I yearn to have a taste of it again. It will be a long path, one that, despite the difficulties and darkness, I will still tread.

Just to get to that door.

And nothing shall stop me.


Okay. Cut that almost-incomprehensible thing..(but hey, I'm serious about it!)...ahh...well..I made a grave decision a few days ago. To spill something. I've even planned the date to do it. To the person. Whom I may hurt. Which is why I'm planning so carefully. So intricately. It may back-fire, yes, I always keep that a possibility..but as far as I can keep my control...the results will be devastating. Even my double entendre wouldn't believe I would be capable of such an act, with such an impact.

Oh yes..Ai am speaking in riddles...

Nyeeh...its so late, its early...I ought to go now...final note..:
Aishiteru yo, anata...Itsumo...Kitto.

Oyasumi na, minna-san!!

Sometimes I get too high on rhyming that I think I may start to make riddles out of my poems.

I've been a big fan of Wen Hui's blog, thanks to all the poems and interesting anecdotes of his life. Haha. I've yet to read every single one of his posts as I said I would. The path of his life always leave his blog readers curious to know more, and await his next post. Well, Ai here reads his blog whenever she reads her own. The truthful poems are way too much for a hard-core dilettante like me. ^o^

Anyways...my plan for today is to print out all the lecture notes (a.k.a. ppt slides) for all my modules. I can't stand technology at times..especially since it has cost me my perfect eyesight that I've maintained for 15 years. So I shan't read lecture notes off the comp; I read too much off the comp already. Enough to cost me another $100+ to make another pair of spectacles with a way-higher degree.

The holidays are gonna come to an end soon...well, I can say I've taken quite an advantage of it. Rest to the full, recharge, and be raring to start being studious once school reopens. Whee!!

I wonder what's up for Primer 3...Primer 1 and 2 have been, uh, haha, lousy. Could have done with a better management of accounts and time.

Yesterday on my way home I suddenly thought of the song "Too Serious Too Soon" by Gareth Gates while in the midst of thinking up the lines for a poem I'd wanted to SMS to Calvin. A poem which, after completing and sending it to him, I extracted the structure and made another one for one of my best friends, Ryann. Still, till now, I ponder over why there are actually people in my life who bother to bother about me. Ever so selfless. Sure, I can do that too, but why would anyone want to bother about insignificant and useless me? It's different from when I care for others; I've made it clear, I don't care for my friends, I love them.

Sigh..Ai am confused...

But Ai am happy! Happy to know that I'm getting back what I give. Unlike in the past. Maybe because I was fake in the past, so whatever I gave, I never received anything in return. Not that I ask for anything in return, its just that I'd like to know if my efforts have gone appreciated. Otherwise, not that I'll regret having been so kind, but I'll reproach myself as to why I'm so useless. And I hate reproaching 'cos I do that too often, and its tiring.

Thank you for being there, thank you for caring, thank you for everything. This goes out to everyone. To the special few, thank you for understanding me. For taking time off your own life to reshuffle and make better mine, even if you did it without intending to.

I realise I'm more emotional when I'm alone. Once I'm with people, my guard gets up, my wall shields all that I really feel. Do I hold back too much? Or am I just too self-conscious? But why so if I wallow deep into my feelings whenever I'm alone? Again, Aishah the paradox.
I think you may say I enjoy time being alone, yet at the same time I treasure time that I get to spend with the people around me. Truly..I'm a walking example of an irony...

I'm in the mood to dress up in a black/dark blue/gold kimono and hair be done up but falling, face pure white with deep red lipstick and dark purple/blue eye shadows. Haha. Don't ask me why. I just feel like being an exquisite geisha for a bit. :)

While I was having a night shower just now, the shampoo foam was dripping all over the bathroom floor from my hair. And, just as I turned to take some shower gel...

I realised a bulk of the shampoo foam formed the rough shape of Pulau Ubin. (Including where the jetty is!!) IS IT AN OMEN? Is it calling out to me, to go cycling there soon???

I was a tat freaked out by that incident...

Anyways, I went clothes shopping today!! Finally! I bought 2 lightly-knitted tops from New Feel (a collection of Cold Wear), and 2 normal cotton-lycra tops from U2. Quite interesting..even after buying 4 pieces of clothing I still have 60% balance to buy MORE clothes!

I. am. so. tired. out.

I don't think its the shopping. I'm used to walking around a lot. I don't think its the helping out at TKG's choir practice earlier either. Neither do I lack rest; I've been sleeping for 12 hours for the past 2 nights. Then why am I so tired out now??

Oh yes, choir..
I missed them so much, just had to go drop by choir prac before collecting my official 'O' Level certificate from the General Office. They're going for a competiton in China next month, but the way I look at it..they're not ready. The Sec 3s, yes, they're obviously raring to go, giving quite a lot into the practice session, but it wasn't all that they've got. They weren't serious; they could've been, and should've been. Passion's there but effort's not 100% there...as for the Sec 1s ans 2s, ah..some of them have attitude problems. I dunno HOW they got into the competition group...some weak voice projection, some weak support...but they'll get better soon, I believe. Syafiqah's putting in a lot of effort into the choir; she ought to see the returns of her input.

I miss all my DLA classmates too! Such wonderful people shouldn't be far away from you for too long, 'cos they really help to keep the level of endorphines in you high. ^^,

Hmm...I miss a certain someone so much now, my heart could puncture by itself from the longing its been suffering...(uhh, Aishah, that's a bit..uh, overrated?...)

Haha. I'm kinda enjoying my holidays ^^

Ok, quit it with the ever-so-random thoughts. By the way, I've just updated my literature blog; finally wrote the last part to the 5-part series of my short story, Celestial Vengeance. Its kinda fanfiction...you may call it whatver you wanna call it, but it shall always be my Celestial Vengeance (keeping in mind the disclaimer that I do not own Ayashi no Ceres). Go read it, minna-san! You're most welcome to comment on it too!

This is passed on to me from Jerusha.

An Ideal Husband: -

Instructions: List 8 different qualities you look in a lover.

Please don't forget to mention gender seperately too.

Wanted : Male

1. Sincerity

2. Willing to give in (yes, sometimes I like being in control, haha)

3. At the same time, has his own stand (which means, not too submissive)

4. Sensible and not over-protective/possessive

5. Faithful

6. Understanding, respects my decisions

7. Responsible

8. Simply, knows his priorities (if you gotta work, you gotta work. Don't neglect your responsibilities just because of me.)


Next victims I want to pass this on to (idiot Jer why'd you have to do this to me..)(Aishah shall be fair and pass it to 2 guys and 2 girls ^^,)

1. Alia

2. Meli

3. Rahman

4. Calvin

Time passes by fast, and how easily I forget...

This month I ought to celebrate my 1st-year anniversary of having this blog! Whee! My first post on asagawa-xanax was on the 4th of June 2005. I remember, it was the June holidays, and I was so bored (refused to start revising for Block CAs too) that I made the decision to start a blog. Now, this blog is 1-year old! Happee burfdae, asagawa-xanax!

Heh. Felt like being corny.
Speaking of that...lately I've been intentionally acting immature. Instead of being the 17-yr old that I am, I purposely date back to my younger self, where I did things for fun without thinking of circumstances, when I took everything at face value. It was fun, though its a very bad attitude...but lately I've been wanting to revert back to my old ways, just for a while. Just to feel what it is like to be childish again, to be ignorant, to be almost absolutely naive. I guess I just miss the old days, haha.

I realise too that I actually like wearing traditional costumes. Last week, and this week too, I attended malay weddings, and had to wear the traditional malay costumes. I think they look really nice, somehow. I don't know what took me so long to realise that, though. And just now my eldest sister finally returned me my yukata! 1st thing I did was to try it on...honestly I missed it while it was 'away on a holiday' at my sister's house. I haven't forgotten how to wear it! A Japanese kimono would be a nice thing to own..but right now I'm aiming for a Korean hanbok. A simple, adults type, like the sort you see the junior palace maids wear in 'Jewel in the Palace' (a.k.a. 'Da Chang-Jin'). I actually do own one set of Korean hanbok, just that its too small for me to fit in already (when I bought it in Busan, Korea 4 years ago, it was already a bit small for me) and the design was really meant for kids, for parties at that. Bright pink, through and through. I want something more mature...

Yesterday, as I've mentioned in my previous post, my family went to the Esplanade to celebrate Fathers' Day and dine at 2Hot Halal Cafe. Shux, this time I chose something too spicy for me to even consume in peace without having to grab my cup of Berry Smoothie after every bite. My bad. I ate less than half my dish of 'Room 'n Chic' pasta and gave the rest to my sis. Best part of the dinner was...

While we were happily (or almost-tearfully) eating, a gangfight of nearly 20 people just suddenly broke out nearby, and the mob actually moved into the Esplanade building area, landing up about only 3 metres away from where I was sitting with my family. There was this Caucasian lady who got so freaked out she screamed for them to stop. I just sat were I was and looked over my shoulder to see the main point of the fight: 1 guy was left badly beaten. In fact, I did see him getting kicked and punched at in the abdomen, face and body. The fight was short, but the fact that there were so many people who witnessed the so-many-people gangfight, lots of people were left wandering around the area even after they dispersed (my dad included). My mother and 2nd sis were too traumatised by the sight of the bleeding kid to have anymore proper appetite. Soon after, the World Cup match (England vs Paraguay) started, and lots of people just headed toward the projector screen (somewhere in the midst of the cafes and restaurants) to watch. The heat of the gangfight died down. I too went to catch a few minutes of the soccer match with my dad, after finishing what I could with my dish.

Oh yeah, its weird to think what weird things you could think about at the most inappropriate times...haha

I think reading those hentai fanfictions rated M18 to R21 have finally gotten to me...wrong timing la...I decided to read such things again just when I've made the decision to be immature..totally wrong timing. My head's been filled with kinky stuffs these days. What the...I just hope it doesn't show when I'm not alone...haha

Take it easy. That's the way to go! ^^

Its the end of e-Learning week; the official start of holidays!!

Although only 2 weeks it may be, its still the hols. We *have* to appreciate it. Its better than having school through and through, with no breaks, projects after projects. At least, be smart; you know its only 2 weeks - be an optimalist! Make the best out of the short period of time! Have fun, enjoy, take a break!

My schedule is not really set, but its obvious everyday is gonna be filled with at least one major activity. I'm glad I have a schedule book (^o^)

So, this also signals the time for a new blogskin! As it is, I change my blog template every month, and this time round I chose to drive back to anime style. That girl you see on the right may not be from any particular anime, but she's still an anime-ish looking person, ne? Why this skin: I asked 2 people to help be my judge, Alia and Jerusha. Out of the 3 I picked, both of them chose this same blogskin, so here it is now, being used on asagawa-xanax. Its also meant to be a tribute to my being in a relationship; I love you, Calvin ^^

Yesterday I *actually*, *finally* bumped into Jerusha in school! How lucky could I get? I'd planned to meet her but she'd never contacted me, but to think I had the great chance of bumping into my 'old' friend at FC3 after doing my e-Learning task for the day yesterday! After 4 whole months of not seeing my own best friend, can you imagine the joy? So I introduced her to Calvin and Fadilah who were having 'lunch' (it was more like 'very early dinner') with me. Jer, in turn, introduced me to 3 of her friends! I was just so happy to meet her ^^ (By the way, Jer, I liked whatever you were wearing. Its really nice!)

Yesterday too I *finally* bought my sister's birthday present! Appleseed soundtrack was still out of stock, and eventually I got for her a novel - 'Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence- After the Long Goodbye'. Its the prequel to the anime movie 'Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence' that my sister has watched before (but I haven't). I'm glad she really liked my gift for her, even though it was very belated ^^

AND I got for myself Saiyuki Reload 6 manga!! Whee! Finally the Chuang Yi English version is being published! But now Fadilah knows I've got the whole Saiyuki Reload manga series..she's asking me to lend the whole series to her...haha, sometime soon, Fad! My sister and I have to read it 1st before passing it to you!

My family will be celebrating Fathers' Day tomorrow (its on Sunday, I know) for the same reasons as why we celebrated Mothers' Day last month a day earlier than its supposed to be. And we'll be eating out at the same restaurant @ the Esplanade again! Mwee! Grilled Lamb with Special Madagascar Sauce, here I come for you again!! (Or maybe not. Maybe I'd pick another dish from the menu..haha)

Next week is such a special week...hmm...

Okiedokie, gotta go now. I'm getting way too dizzy typing and staring at the comp for nearly 6 hours now, while having a headache. Heh. Happy Holidays, everyone! ^o^

Ahh..its been quite some time. Today is such a hot day, isn't it? I'm sitting, typing, with the fan switched on but I'm sweating. I sat watching GSeedDestiny earlier facing the breeze, still sweating. Best part was, I was very very tired last night, and ought to sleep till 12+pm today, but arose at 1045hrs. I WOKE BECAUSE I WAS SWEATING.

Dammit. Hot day.

But I've a lot to blog about, so here I am after 5 days. At the same time I'm checking out all the e-learning tasks for all my modules. They seem sickeningly long-winded. Things that can't possibly be completed in just one whole day, all alone at home. Things that make me rather have proper lectures in school than be at home. YEESH.

SO, obviously I'm cranky today. And therefore I wanna blog about happier stuffs. I'll highlight whatever stuffs I can remember most.
Okay...since last Tuesday...on Wednesday I went to watch 'The DaVinci Code' at GV Marina with Calvin after doing a bit of our OC projects after school. I figure, this is our 1st date after being together for 2 weeks+. On Thursday I pissed him off, due to my stupidity and naivety, and spent the whole day trying to redeem myself on my part. At the same time played pool (yes, this time I actually PLAYED pool. 3 games at that.) with the usual group. This being only my 2nd, 3rd and 4th time playing, it feels good to have won at least one of the games; I paired up with Fad against Ryann and Fin. Heh. Feels really good. NOW I'm addicted to playing pool ^^

On Friday...after a short while of waiting, then traveling to Mt. B, then finding our OC studio, then practicing and organizing presentation, I finally had lunch break. When I approached Calvin to see if he had really cooled off as he claimed he had. He really had. So then there was time to eat, then I forced a meet-up with Amanda (oh Amanda I miss you!! and I love your hair! And specs too!!), then we 2 exchanged lanyards (now, I have red while she has purple), then I headed back to OC, then we watched a SUPA-YE-OLDE OC video. haha. Then practiced speech delivery for a bit, then headed for CD, stopping by to collect my Tertiary EZ-Link card, whilst singing all the way. The CD was very, EXTREMELY offensive to some whom I know, but I found it generally reasonable. Then attending the e-learning briefing (GAWD...Mr Saculo is REALLY slow and steady at explaining this time round). Took forever but worth the time, we missed our plan for a 1605hrs 'The DaVinci Code' @ The Cathay. But it still went on. Ryann made a comeback, and with Fin, Fad and Paul, took a bus to Plaza S'pura while Calvin and I headed to Sunshine Plaza 1st to check the availability of the Appleseed soundtrack I promised to get for my 2nd sis for her birthday. (No, it STILL wasn't in stock.) Then we 2 walked to PS, bought the tix, met the other 4 and headed to the theatre 7. Plan ended up being to watch 'The DaVinci Code' @ 1745hrs @ GV Plaza. Well, at least we watched it. I'd wanted to watch it again, so I ended up not regretting any part of the day at all. Fad and I took a cab home, man, that cab driver has some serious issues...he overtly rejoiced over a 5-car pile-up at AYE all the way till we reached Bedok MRT. Kept on singing and rejoicing. Eeww..I don't know what to say.

Saturday came and I went for a sisters' night out @ PP! 1: the 3 of us hadn't gone out together for so long!! (Min-chan incl. ^^) 2: I miss Parkway Parade! One of my sec sch days' hangout! Whee! I bought a hp strap, and the 3 of us went into a frenzy when we saw the Japanese Confectionery Fair at Isetan. We spent a total of $53.70 at that section alone. Haha. And then we window-shopped more...and hey, that beloved niece of mine, Min-chan, has seriously been developing well...she SOOOO kawaii!!

I refuse to mention the upsetting events of yesternight and this morning.

And that shall be all. Is it a long blogpost, as I had thought it would be??