Tobira no Mukou e.

There's a funny story to me behind this song. You know, everytime I watch a new anime, I'd go download all its op/ed mp3s asap. Tobira no Mukou e is the 2nd ending song for the anime Fullmetal Alchemist (FMA). I take time to remember the tunes of new songs, of course. One time, in the studio, during lecture, I happened to hear someone's music player playing a familiar song. I figured it was coming from Oniichan's iPod (my then-Calvin-oniichan). So I asked him (whom, if I remember correcly, happened to be sitting next to me in the lecture room) what song it was. He refused to answer (I dunno, most probably 'cos its lecture and I spoke softly, and he couldn't hear), and it took me a few minutes to realise the title and how I'd known this song.

I was so happy that I knew a song from my Oniichan's iPod song collection. So happy we had something in common. That I had that same song at home in my computer too, and I knew FMA too. When I got home that day, I happened to have had to do lots of work on the computer, so I stayed up on MSN and at the same time, played this song on loop. Probably played on for nearly a hundred times. Tobira no Mukou e. At first, I was just enjoying the beat and tune, and meaning of the song. Sub-consciously, after way too many times repeating itself, the song hit me as a sign. I suddenly felt shy to listen to it. Like, Oniichan has this song too, he likes this song too. And now I like it as well. For some reason, it suddenly struck me: I like him. I think I'd known that I kinda liked him before that incident, but that fateful night/early morning while I was busy on my comp doing my work, looping the song over and over again, that's when for the 1st time, I consciously realised I had feelings for my Oniichan.

So goes the story. And at the moment, I happen to (again) be playing Tobira no Mukou e on loop. Now, everytime I repeat this song on my player, I'm reminded of Calvin. Who now I can't really call "oniichan" ("big brother") anymore, but "anata" ("dear").

Haha.

Anyways, last Friday was my mother's birthday, and the following day was my father's. They're now 50 and 52 years old respectively. But these 2 days passed by without much event, though. Its sad. Hari Raya takes precedence over our family heads' birthday celebrations. I didn't even get them any gifts. I don't think my sisters did either. Well, at least I reminded and wished them Happy Birthday. Shows I haven't forgotten, even if we don't celebrate it.

And the last Wednesday, was Jerusha's birthday. Met up with her and Raidah at the airport for a little of a celebration. Same thing, I didn't get a gift. But I sang her a birthday song in public. In that echo-ey Terminal 2 Arrival Hall. Hope you didn't mind the meagre celebration, Jer.

And the day before that; 1st day of Hari Raya. The usual Raya visiting, the only good difference was than Min-chan (my niece) is now coming to 2 years old, and not afraid of strangers anymore. She cute, especially when we take pictures of her. Whenever she hears the snap of the camera, or sees the flash, she'd just start laughing. Photogenic too, that kid. My sister's daughter has started showing signs of being just like her mother in character, haha.

All because she wants me to blog, so I am.

Haha. 1st proclamation: I HATE Tagboard. I'm switching to c-box. Tagboard's been screwing up and no its totally done for. Everyone who's using tag-board.com should change over to some other tag server now.
NOW.

Tomorrow's a Monday. And my family will be going out to Geylang to shop for my sister's and my 2ns set of baju kurung / kebaya for Hari Raya. BUT before that, tonight at 2340hrs, I shall be at Harbourfront to help my dad to carry the stuffs he bought at Batam. What ridiculousity. I've school at 8am tomorrow and I just HAVE to do this. Sigh~

Next proclamation: I can't wait for next Tuesday! Not only because its Hari Raya, but it also means I can invite my friends over, go visiting to my friends' houses, wear my kebaya or baju kurung, eat freely, and best of all...don't have to feel the tension when I come home late for breaking fast with the rest of the family! Haha.

And yay! WoanNi is gonna come over to Sp this Wednesday! So this means: Monday go geylang with family, Tuesday go out with Cal, Wednesday bring WN around school, Thursday go out again, Friday...maybe I'll break fast with my classmates or ex-classmates? Saturday and Sunday do house clean-up, Monday school as per normal (break fast at home, definitely), and Tuesday Hari Raya! YAYYYY!!

Oh ya, I've just finished reading 'Harsh Cry of the Heron', the sequel to the otori Trilogy. Man...its such a good book. Its good 'cos it doesn't end how you expect it to. Not even how you knew it wouldn't. It really caught me off guard. Kaede betrayed her beloved husband. GAH!! How could she?!

Other than the book, I've also been working on the teddy bear that I intend to complete as soon as possible, and give it to Calvin as a good luck gift for his competition trip to the land of Nippon. That's on the 9th of November, and currently I'm 70% done with the bear's head. The other parts of the bear hasn't been cut out from the fur pile yet. I'm quite proud that so far nothing looks too retarded. Haha. I hope he'll really like it.

Okay, okay, I gotta go get ready to fetch my dad at Harbourfront now. Jya-ne!

Ahh...so I haven't blogged for a week.

At the moment, there're only 2 things I can think of.
1: Like my new blogskin?
2: I'm longing for my dearest Calvin-kun.

The past few days...I went out a lot, I cried a lot, I loved a lot. I kept going out to so many places, leaving no time for my Primer. But at least I did my dumb wind analysis thingy. I don't even understand what we're supposed to do for ENSP (I didn't go for the lecture this week; came to school very late).

I cried a lot, yes. Calvin would know. I cried 'cos I couldn't take the teasing,
'cos I couldn't understand myself,
'cos I hated my self-inflicted problems,
'cos he got hurt,
'cos I hated myself for hurting someone I love so dearly,
'cos I realised I'm dumb enough to think that I'm always alone,
'cos I never realised he's always been there,
'cos I took treasured things for granted,
'cos I feared so much about losing the love,
'cos he just *had* to be the one to come to me,
'cos I'm such an idiot,
'cos I really, really love him.

I loved a lot. Really. I loved my friends an extra notch, for being so fun, for being there for me, for being understanding, for being my friends. I loved the festive feel at Geylang. I loved my new baju kurung. Loved myself for befriending Patience. I loved and still am loving him :)

When I woke up this morning, my heart didn't feel as bad as that last time...when it just felt as if someone had tried to puncture my dough-like heart with a base column of a 90-storey building with the force of a board-piling machine (you know, that tall machine they use to punch into the ground to make space for the building's columns?). Yeah. It hurt so much in the middle of the 'night' (5am, somewhere around that time), I woke up *all* because, and felt utterly aghast that it wasn't some physical pain (like my middle-of-the-night leg cramps) or nightmare shock that caused me to suddenly be stark-fresh in the midst of a good sleep, but just, and simply, a deep, painful longing in my heart. And I was in pain even more so when I realised it was way too early to call him *just* to hear his voice *just* to ease my pain (All the better. It would be highly inconsiderate, and he happened to be charging his phone outside so he can't hear it, anyway.) So all I could do was to SMS. But how much help could that be?? I didn't really continue sleeping after that.

The module of my life: ISBT. Oh yes, yesterday I went out with Calvin and his bestfriend Jeremy. I was talking about ISBT. I dunno how my "...boating test and practical..." turned out to be heard as "boating testicle". And, this one I've calculated the possibility of mis-hearing: "Introduction to Seamanship and Boating Theory/Prac" = "Introduction to Semen-ship and Boating Prac". I KNEW IT. Dirty minds don't escape my line of thought (Actually, that only serves to show how I myself am not-so-innocent, afterall =P) It kinda disgusts me to think that *I* think of such things during the fasting month, yet why is it that it seems so neutral to talk of such things?
I NEED TO BE PURIFIED!! Haha.

By the way, this morning, the radio played a Hari Raya song for the 1st time this Ramadhan! :)