Ahh...so I haven't blogged for a week.

At the moment, there're only 2 things I can think of.
1: Like my new blogskin?
2: I'm longing for my dearest Calvin-kun.

The past few days...I went out a lot, I cried a lot, I loved a lot. I kept going out to so many places, leaving no time for my Primer. But at least I did my dumb wind analysis thingy. I don't even understand what we're supposed to do for ENSP (I didn't go for the lecture this week; came to school very late).

I cried a lot, yes. Calvin would know. I cried 'cos I couldn't take the teasing,
'cos I couldn't understand myself,
'cos I hated my self-inflicted problems,
'cos he got hurt,
'cos I hated myself for hurting someone I love so dearly,
'cos I realised I'm dumb enough to think that I'm always alone,
'cos I never realised he's always been there,
'cos I took treasured things for granted,
'cos I feared so much about losing the love,
'cos he just *had* to be the one to come to me,
'cos I'm such an idiot,
'cos I really, really love him.

I loved a lot. Really. I loved my friends an extra notch, for being so fun, for being there for me, for being understanding, for being my friends. I loved the festive feel at Geylang. I loved my new baju kurung. Loved myself for befriending Patience. I loved and still am loving him :)

When I woke up this morning, my heart didn't feel as bad as that last time...when it just felt as if someone had tried to puncture my dough-like heart with a base column of a 90-storey building with the force of a board-piling machine (you know, that tall machine they use to punch into the ground to make space for the building's columns?). Yeah. It hurt so much in the middle of the 'night' (5am, somewhere around that time), I woke up *all* because, and felt utterly aghast that it wasn't some physical pain (like my middle-of-the-night leg cramps) or nightmare shock that caused me to suddenly be stark-fresh in the midst of a good sleep, but just, and simply, a deep, painful longing in my heart. And I was in pain even more so when I realised it was way too early to call him *just* to hear his voice *just* to ease my pain (All the better. It would be highly inconsiderate, and he happened to be charging his phone outside so he can't hear it, anyway.) So all I could do was to SMS. But how much help could that be?? I didn't really continue sleeping after that.

The module of my life: ISBT. Oh yes, yesterday I went out with Calvin and his bestfriend Jeremy. I was talking about ISBT. I dunno how my "...boating test and practical..." turned out to be heard as "boating testicle". And, this one I've calculated the possibility of mis-hearing: "Introduction to Seamanship and Boating Theory/Prac" = "Introduction to Semen-ship and Boating Prac". I KNEW IT. Dirty minds don't escape my line of thought (Actually, that only serves to show how I myself am not-so-innocent, afterall =P) It kinda disgusts me to think that *I* think of such things during the fasting month, yet why is it that it seems so neutral to talk of such things?
I NEED TO BE PURIFIED!! Haha.

By the way, this morning, the radio played a Hari Raya song for the 1st time this Ramadhan! :)