I'd thought that when I told him, he'd start to dislike me and distance himself from me. It never crossed my mind not to tell him about it, because I never want to hide anything from him. So I smsed him about it... I asked him what would he do if he were in my position. He said he'd slap himself for thinking that. I felt that I should slap myself, then. But, my anata.. he didn't scold me. He didn't even doubt me. He forgave my thoughts, and had me forgive myself for it. He kept telling me its okay.. He still loved me as much as he did before I told him about it.

And I loved him even more for that.

He can be so unbelieveably cool and forgiving sometimes. Its rare, so I never fail to appreciate it when it happens.

A lot of things can happen in a week. Like, this past one, I've started to miss lectures again. Aww man. Its ONLY Week 2! Gotta be more disciplined. And, I stuck around the BE Club more often. Its great to know the juniors are conveniently making use of its existence too. Haha. Also... I got myself into a huge problem with Calvin. I was at fault, he scolded me at length, yet in the end he still let me cry on his shoulders, kiss him and receive many hugs from him. Nothing felt better than seeing him smile and getting a kiss on my forehead after crying for so long over hating myself. I couldn't feel any better than knowing that he still loved me even though I made him so upset.

Ah man. I'm tired. And lazy. I wanna sleep. But I've got loads of stuff to do before then. GAH~

Okay, it seems I'm blogging like, once a week, and only on weekends. Seriously, I'm busy, guys. You can say I'm getting unnecessarily stressed over school, but I want to be serious about school now. Really. Blogging ain't important as compared to doing my projects and all. And weekends are about the only time I have to surf leisurely on the net. So.. w_h, thanks for the offer to let me have something to blog, but really, I have many other things to blog about. Haha.

By the way, I'm well already, thanks to the doctor's prescription. Sorethroat's gone after about 2-3 days, and fever dissipated by Sunday night. Thanks for your concern, guys. Don't worry, I know how to take care of myself. I got sick only because I opened a door for infection when I ate that super-nice Grilled Salmon w/Chips (which sored my throat) and later took care of sick Calvin (whose fever I infected). But I'm perfectly fine now and he's also well on his way to full recovery :) I couldn't be happier about his good health.

2 days ago (Fri 20 April 07), my group mate WaiMeng and I went for a 2nd trip to the site for our project to take measurements. The day started off..normal. (Being 14 minutes late for lecture that starts at 8am is normal, isn't it?) Cal woke up late (he's also my group member), and he refused to not attend lecture at all, and requested to be contacted to come to class only when lecture's over. The lecture was by that woman, and just as I'd expected, her long-winded-ness made me dizzy. Had a good time privately rebutting her lecture with Ryann and Fad, though (they're my 2 other group mates).

Then when lecture ended, I sms-ed Cal to ask him to come over from the BE clubroom to class at W5A19 but he didn't reply nor arrive soon after. That started to make me upset, somehow. Then after waiting for an eternity for that woman to come back with photocopied pieces of the site's context plan, Meng and I made more copies for ourselves and set off to Bedok View Sec (where our project site is located), and retardedly, group leader (Ryann) gave us $10 to take a cab there when I was almost certain it'd cost at least $15 (which it did). Meng paid $2 and me $3.20 (that was the very last of my cash) and that made me slightly more upset. At the site, we did measuring until the sun was too unbearable (it fried my brain)..my mood got worse when I decided to call my mates over at school and realise that they did something as stupid as coming up with only ONE bubble diagram and then allowed for dismissal of the group meeting. By the time I got back to school, I started crying and explaining my self to Ryann and Fad (Cal went off the moment he realised I was just being stressed over nothing, Meng sisn't follow me back to school). Cried a river... until I was done explaining and got my mood up for a bit. By the time we were done and I looked for Cal, everything was okay. I insisted on a date with him that very evening (>.<) and the 2 of us went out to Raffles City and Marina Square, after which I sent him home. By the end of the day, by that night, I was overflowing with happiness, I tell ya. What a swingin' day.

Yesterday, I went for another trip to the site to do conventional site inventory and analysis, AND THEN THE TRIP TO SENTOSA!! WOOHOO!! Last week, Cal and I didn't attend the post-BEFOC (Sch of Built Env Freshman Orientation Camp) outing to East Coast, but we both (and quite many others) made it to the 2nd post-BEFOC outing at Palawan Beach! Had a hell of a fun time there with my juniors and Cal too :) I made friends with many more juniors, especially with this little group that welcomed me into the sea the moment I arrived at the beach. I stuck with them all the way till when I had to go.. I definitely didn't regret making the decision to go for the outing this time!

Being hyper is fun. And surprisingly I didn't get heady nor tired during the outing even though I went on Hyperdrive-mode XD

OKies, I wanna go do my project now. I'll be in again next week!

Today's the 14th yet again. The twelfth 14th that means so much to me, the eleventh 14th from the first one.

It has been eleven months, yes. 29 days to Calvin's 18th birthday, 30 days to our 1st-year anniversary together. Somehow today I've been staring at him a lot, as if I've got a childish crush on him. Except, the feeling of anxiety to do a maiden proclamation my love for him ain't really there. But just today, it felt as if this guy is someone new for me to know. Its not a bad thing, really. I mean, like everything started all over again, I'm new to him, and as if we've just started out, we haven't had any disagreements or problems, and everything feeling so pure and bliss. Somehow, I felt like I'm back at 15th May 2006, that Monday morning, when we saw each other for the 1st time after agreeing to be together.

Sorry for all the numbers and my mushy-ness, but because I'm not feeling well right now (running a fever and sorethroat), I'm quite delirious and insist on blogging about my 11th mon-versary, that's today.

Today was TKGS's Speech day, BE Club's post-FOCamp outing, a Saturday, and I thought that I could never be happier to forgo the 2 important events to be with my beloved. He's *still* unwell, by the way, and just after getting home just now, I realised that I'm feeling unwell too XD Okay, so today, after hours of deliberating on what to wear, I got around to wearing what I'd already ironed and planned to wear to go out with my pals Jer and Rai some time back. Set off for Balestier, met up with him near his place just after his Cappoeira class, he got himself a shower, took his fever+cough+phlegm+antibiotic medication, and we went off to nearby Novena Square's Fish & Co. The destination for our date wasn't planned at all; it was impromptu. It was nice that the place was so open and there were very few diners there with us. Got meself Grilled Salmon w/chips and Ginger Ale, and he got the simple Fish & Chips with complete meal (i.e. w/Passion Fruit drink and Soup of the Day). But he felt unwell while eating, so as soon as I was done with mine, we paid for the bill and got him home to rest. He developed a headache on top of his fever. All I could do was accompany him while he's resting. That I did. I really couldn't bring myself to leave his place when it was time for me to get back home; I wish I could just stay and take care of him and wake him up tomorrow, feeling for myself if he's better already or not. Alas, that I could not do. My dearest walked me to the door, I went home on my own, in the rain. I couldn't imagine walking in the rain with my umbrella while wearing those ladies' sandals. All the way home; walk to bus stop, bus to Lavender, walk to MRT station, train to Bedok, walk to bus interchange, bus to home, walk to my block... NO WAY. So I took a cab home, even though I'd told him I wouldn't. I'm sorry, anata. I couldn't help it. I was already really late to get home (I know its my fault) and I wasn't about to risk slipping in the rain in those sandals.

I got home, prayed, realised I'm running a fever and got a sorethroat. Nice. Now we're *both* ill. I just called him a few minutes back; he said he's feeling better. That's really great news to me. You know, I've been so very sad that he's unwell for so long. And I mean sad literally. I cried a couple of times just because I was with him and he was still coughing and all. I can't hug him tight like always, I can't kiss him without a worry that his cough might act up. And his body temperature felt warm; too warm for my liking. I've been feeling down these days due to his un-well-being. I really wish he will get well very very soon. Its all in disciplining himself to get the proper rest that he needs..

But, on my way home, in the cab, I wrote him a 4-page sms. And for the 1st time in asagawa-xanax's history, I'll type out my private sms here for everyone to see:

So many times today
I find myself staring at you
Its not your being obnoxious
But your self, your looks
your form, your attitude
your voice, your words
your heart, your love
Somehow I kept getting
entranced by you
Over and over, repeatedly
as if you're always so new
Not even once today did I worry
Of how long we'd last
That we've come this far
I'm truly grateful to still be yours
My affections for you keeps renewing itself
I love you no less now than
the last time I felt so attached to you
And it'll not die down, anata

I'm always in love with you, Calvin.

OH my GOD ITS BEEN ONE WHOLE FREAKKIN' MONTH! One whole month since I last blogged. So sorry for my absence. No excuses and I can't explain anyway. You can't possibly list down every single thing you did in the last thirty days, can you? (If you do... you're wEiRd.)

ANYways, I just got back from BE FOC. (No, not "be free-of-charge"; its "[School of] Built Environment Freshmen Orientation Camp") Hell, it was just..simply.. fun, FUN, AND MORE CRAZY FUN!! There're quite many things that I clearly remember that happened during the camp. Which is good, 'cos it means that I immersed myself deeply in it that I can easily recall what happened.

Went there as a helper only la.. but it felt good. Real good. That I got to meet my juniors and even know them: name, personalities and all. Maybe not all but the few that I can, I'm proud I could. Swell, I developed rashes on my right foot and only noticed it today, after 4 days of the camp. Don't even know how or when I got it. But, who cares about injury or whatever; the fun and joy and laughter has been successfully achieved between me, my juniors and even my fellow Year 2 and 3 seniors! Anything for that, guys. Its almost priceless, all that fun and enthusiasm and friendship. Thank you all seniors, Main Comm, GLs, Hello Pandas (helpers) for making this reality; thank you freshies for being there to celebrate their work! This being my 1st camp in my life at SP, seriously, it was superb. Cheers, games, MT Night and all.. whoah... wonderful. BE FOC 07/08 was a great success, don't you think, BE peeps?!!

Sorry, no pics to upload 'cos I was too busy being involved and cheering and motivating and chatting. Loads of fun, man. I don't mind not having time for photo-taking. Alls swell and worth it. Thanks Calvin for letting me attend the camp as a helper :) Thanks a lot, anata. Despite the not-so-nice parts of behind-the-scenes, generally it was great, was it not? SUPERHEROES, OOOOII!

And I'm left with an aching right bum, a right shoulder that feels as if its got stabbed by a dagger blade, rashies on me right foot. Basically, a retarded right-side of my body. Haha.

Damn sleepy now, man. FINALLY the lack of sleep is getting to me. I thought I was too high on adrenaline it couldn't go down. Then again I have low blood pressure and I didn't eat anything substantial at all during the camp.

Okays okays, sorry ah, wanna go sleep already. See all you guys around, Superheroes!