Everything's much more beautiful ever since I've learnt to be more easily emotionally satisfied. But that also means I'll be more easily wrecked in my heart by events that would usually require more impact to cause any response in me. It all started when I confirmed it that Calvin's increased use of vulgarities towards me, as well as hurtful actions is due to 'unappreciation' of me, i.e. taking me for granted. I can understand, it comes naturally; I do it to him too, not once. And now that I know how much it hurts to be taken for granted, I resolved not to take him for granted anymore, treat him like how I did when we first started dating, all precious and careful not to do anything that might make him displeased. Its slowly reflecting in his actions too, and that's made me more easily satisfied emotionally, even with little things. BUT but but, while on this project, its quite taxing specially 'cos I' lagging way behind and have a lot to catch up on to be back on a nice schedule, and I take 15-30min breaks every few hours. These breaks I take the opportunity to read the latest novel I've got in my hands: Its from the Tales of the Otori, authored by Lian Hearn, and I fell for its 1st book while still in Secondary school when I got to know of Across the Nightingale Floor from the book fair in school. I was interested in its Japanese theme but purely fictitious place, time and characters. I couldn't love it more. Across the Nightingale Floor is the 1st in the Otori Trilogy, and I kept myself busy with all the following books; Grass for his Pillow, and Brilliance of the Moon. I'd news that the trilogy didn't mark the end of Tales of the Otori, and was overjoyed when the sequel Harsh Cry of the Heron hit the stores. But nothing made me feel more complete than the final part of the Tales; the prequel to the trilogy and thus completing the whole series, Heaven's Net Is Wide. I'm now just almost halfway through the book I borrowed from the school library, and I'm planning to get the whole set one day. The storey starting a few decades before the start of the beginning of the trilogy, and ending precisely where the trilogy starts, the lead character is different from all the other 4 books. Otori Shigeru was the one who brought in Otori Takeo, his nephew as well as his later adopted son, into the picture and highlight of the rest of the Tales. Shigeru.. ahh, yes.. I was slightly infatuated to him when I read Nightingale, and now, Heaven, spanning the story of almost his whole life, is reliving my attachment to him. The man of noble blood, well trained in body and spirit while still a young teenager, having a love relationship with the lady ruler of another domain and planning to overtake the whole of the Tree Countries with peace and prosperity.. This is the man I named my 80GB harddisk after. Shigeru. I feel like a kid again, like before I'd anything to do with Calvin, when I was hanging on to books and stories to know what love might be like. Even though I've a real taste of it now, and have reach to it anytime, it doesn't harm to still have myself fall into delusion with the characters from a book, and falling in love with a non-existent, fictitious character. And Shigeru is special in my variety of non-existent men I've fantasies about. All the others, its shallow, its their good looks, or abilities. But Shigeru, I fell for him not just for those but also his way of thinking, his course of actions, and the fact that he fell for a mature lady 2-3 years older than he is, because they share the same dream to unite and bring the Three Countries to prosperity, despite his cravings for any woman when he was young. Wait, I know, this sounds stupid to you guys, like, why is this girl wanting to be deluded in a fictitious man. But it feels great, and I can never feel guilty about it XD I just adore and respect him.Of course, of course.. I still love Calvin as much. And he's real, not a fantasy. By the way, he'll be leaving for Japan for his competition in a few days, I hope he'll perform well at the Chanbara competition, and learn much there too, from the masters and other fellow fighters. He'll be gone for a week.. and I promise myself to do my work and not dwell on missing him ^^ It makes him happy to know I'm doing well in all parts of my life, so I wanna make that happen. All for natata!! :D