asagawa-xanax

2011-03-10T16:27:00.003+08:00

I know I told you not to worry, even in my final call before you left for Brunei, but there remain causes to worry over, whether you worry or not. At least I'm worried. Why do I seem to be stuck in a time bomb when it comes to the matter of my kidneys? Why is there no cure? Why am I restricted as to the kind of activities I would love to do? Why is End Stage Renal Failure a definite imminent future for me? Even without you around, I worry myself sick over this matter. I want to be healthy for you, but in these moments of helpless hopelessness, I understand why you say that you will always think of me as 'the sickly Aishah' instead of 'the loving girlfriend', 'the one who gave me an iPod Touch twice' or even 'the one I broke up with once before'.

If dying and coming back to life in a clean healthy state is possible, like in games where you could reset skill points, I would do it for you. I really would.

Jealousy Rears its Ugly Head

2011-02-08T18:56:00.002+08:00

I needed an outlet for my crazy-suffocating-blinding emotional pain, then I remembered that I have a blog. THANK GOODNESS. I can't frikkin' type everything into a Facebook status, can I?

Well now, what do you do when your boyfriend doesn't know/understand that his body language with another girl is showing just one thing: Intimacy?

Next, how do you react when he tells you that he needs that girl as a replacement to a part of you that you have left behind when you gradually changed (for him)?

Lastly, what do you do when he tells you, after hearing you out, that he doesn't know what to do?

And then, not to his choice, the nation conveniently has him going back into military school for a good 2 weeks.

F*** I'm really on the verge of swearing.

Drop it.

2010-07-18T15:57:00.004+08:00

I haven't cried in a long while. I cried today. Why does he lie? Its so obvious from his smses and behaviour that he's still angry with me, why does he say he isn't? Why does he not want to talk to me about the problem that surfaced 2 days ago? How long am I supposed to wait? I can wait, but if he loves me won't he consider that he won't want me to be worried over anything on my first day of work tomorrow? Why is he doing this? Why can't we just meet and talk.

I am not perfect. I'm not even good. You can't expect me to be psychic or all-knowing, and "act accordingly" when the relationship goes into limbo when you're acting like that. There is no guidebook that I can follow, nor are you leaving me any hints on what I could do next to pamper you. And don't tell me to think about it on my own; a relationship is that: relation. We need to work together to work this out, not me on my own trying to work us out. And I'm leaving openings everywhere to let/make that happen, to have us communicate but its like me making calls that lead to a pre-recorded voice message. You're not responding. You don't even want to receive. I can't work us out on my own. I can't.

And I was reading my past posts. If you ever read this, nata, read this one too: April 2007 336 days Because I still feel this way for you.

Alone. Together.

2010-06-12T23:45:00.003+08:00

Sometimes when I'm alone at home, I feel a pang of.. loneliness. I wish you were close by, for me to run to and hug, or to hold close as we watch tv, or to talk to over tea or meals, or sing to while I'm doing the house chores. I wish we were living together. Legally, of course.

This thought and wish has been crossing my mind almost everyday, for many weeks of late. What will be our future, for even as much as you may say that you want to stay, will you really, in the end? I can't leave what I have for you, because you are the most important thing in my life, but only second to religion. Will you ever make the decision to not just embrace me, but what I embrace as well? I will not force, only hope. I will not give hints or subliminal messages, only pray.

Even as I know it seems so bleak, I choose to ignore, and live through the best with you, now. If we end up being together till death, then I would've lived my whole life with love and fulfillment. If you would leave someday, then at the very least, I have lived a good few years of my life experiencing what I know can never be overpowered by any other experience I have yet to go through. Times with you would always be the best, and I will cherish them, whether with or without you.

I only hope and pray, that those times last to the last of our days.

Nothing.

2010-05-18T19:09:00.003+08:00

It feels like its twisted.
No, "wrung" would be a better description.
But there's nothing to drain off
Except any uncertainty from conviction.

So strong it stood
Without fear, without doubt.
But so weak it stands
Without affection, becomes a rout.

haunted by love~

2010-01-17T06:37:00.002+08:00

I woke up at 6am today, and the first thought in my mind was the love of my life. It was such a blissful feeling, the feeling as if he were by my side the whole night, resting with me. Last night too, my last thoughts were of him, before I fell asleep. He has been so sweet lately, kept telling me that he loves me, so frequently, its almost out of character. I'm not complaining, but appreciating every moment of this. At least I know, if my family life falls apart one of these days (which isn't totally unlikely), I have Calvin to fall back on, he will be there to catch me and hold me secure.

I'm having a sore throat and a blocked nose that will likely escalate into a cold. Nin Jiom syrup is really tasty, though, especially a whole 15ml of it each dose X3 Today I gotta accomplish some things on my to-do list: vacuum the carpets, and do contour plan, finish up layout-cum-materials plan, and start on grad show preparation. I hope I can do all this by 10pm.

Speaking of so many things to do, my new HTC Diamond Touch 2 phone can do so many things. The most life-changing difference it has made in my life is the unnecessity to turn on my desktop pc when all I wanna do is only to just check my e-mail, or write one, or do a quick product search on Google, or check the latest Facebook feeds, or write on my blog, or find and watch a video on YouTube, or find the best public transport route to get to places, or find out where Timbaktu is on Google Maps, or search up the nearest well-rated halal restaurant, or chat someone up on MSN, or read manga online. Especially useful when I just woke up, just about to go to sleep, or unwell in my bed, I can do all these on my phone, without having to get out of bed. Now my desktop PC is only really needed for Photoshop and AutoCAD, and Granado Espada when I go back to it after Final Crit :3

Okays time to nap before commencing housework. Just gotta off WiFi on my phone and put it on my bedside shelf :D

The final two months.

2010-01-05T15:18:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was the first day of school for me - actually, it was the first day of Term 4 of Year 3 - coinciding with the first day of academic year for kindergarten, primary and secondary schools. And the very first thing I got 'treated' to upon entering the studio was a lengthy lecture about the stress coming up these final days of Poly life. So, what to do to remedy this?

Go out window-shopping, of course! I chose to board a 32 from Buona Vista.. to land up at Liang Court, one of my sec sch days' personal hangout. Checked out the 'new' stores on the 2nd storey (I hadn't been to LC in a long time) before doing my compulsory pilgrimage to Kinokuniya on the 3rd storey followed by Meidi-Ya at Basement 1. Many things changed with the layout of the mall and the interior of stores. But still that quaint place I used to know, just the same :D

At Kino I noted a few titles I hope to read in the near future, and also a free issue of J-Life featuring 13 Japanese universities that are turning international by opening fully-English-language-taught courses. Read up on Todai and Keio, the 2 most-heard-of universities of Japan.

In Meidi-Ya I found out that it's currently the Mikan season. Mikan is, well, Japanese orange. They're pretty small, unlike Sunkists, and akin to the small variety of mandarin oranges, except Mikans have a much more beautiful texture and colour. Really pretty-looking oranges. Despite the enticing colour, I bought Australian white peaches. Hahahha. Been craving for Japanese peaches but when not in season they're totally absent from stores. The Aussies managed to grow some, though, and since their white peach variety is very similar to the Japs', I got 'em. Just HAD to. Along with a box of Strawberry Melty Kiss chocolates, and the almighty Ramune sweets that I always buy when I go to Meidi-Ya (even though they're now readily available in some NTUCs).

Most unfortunately, on my way to the bus-stop to go home, I passed by this pushcart stall on the 1st storey that had awesome newsboy caps (imported from Korea, the salesgirl said) (but these days, almost every chic accessory seems to come from Korea, so what's the big deal??) and also a super-cool pinafore. No, I have not yet grown sick of pinafores from my TKGS days. The ones at this stall had awesome material, cutting, design, and even a cute pocket on one side. No wonder regarding the cost ($50), but that means I can only wait till later to get it.

What have I been up to since my last post? Projectwork and Joint Crit 3 presentation, and holidays spent by going out a lot, especially window shopping. The highlight of the holidays was my 4-day high fever stint. Hahaha. Was so convinced that I was gonna get hospitalised again, but good thing it only hit 39 deg. C twice in the 4-day period. If it ever hit 39 one more time, I would have self-admitted myself to SGH's A&E.

The other highlight is of course all the birthday gifts I received, but, I'm too lazy to document all that. They're awesome gifts, though. Thanks to all for them and the birthday wishes :)

Gotta lay off Granado Espada for until the end of Portfolio Review... I look forward to the break from in-game politics. It's fun when I'm on hols, but much unappreciated when I'm on the critical moments of school.

Okilies, sanks for the read, I hope I'm not talking to myself here. If I am, I will stop this monologue and never blog again X3

1st of December is approaching~~

2009-11-15T17:59:00.007+08:00

Ha! It is almost here! My second-favourite day of the year, every year (the first is the 14th of May, celebrating our anniversary, and an extended celebration of his birthday)

Now now now, I know he hates me to come up with a wishlist, but I want to do one anyway. Even if no one gets me the stuff, at least I have it for my own reference and goal-list :D

Ai's wishlist (not in any particular order)
Philips mixer with rotating bowl

foldable bicycle (ai donch like small wheeled ones)

asus u6v laptop (soldout in most countries)

feminine newsboy cap

vivienne winter tartan bag

knee-high heeled boots

audio technica button headphones

electric guitar

and the rest of these I can't get any pics but have a specific design/type I want; archi books, sunglasses, americaya ballet flats, itti and otto walking shoes, chomel ring, theory white shirt, beginners' elec guitar book.

There we go :D

2009-06-22T21:50:00.002+08:00

"In a relationship, the girl always has to give in to the guy. The girl *always* has to give in. You must remember this. And believe me, I know it because I've been a married woman for more than 20 years," she said.

Even though I didn't know her too well, I somehow took those words really seriously. Because really, I don't see how else my own relationship can last if I don't listen to those words. If he promised something, and then intentionally forgets it in a fit of anger, I have to follow with it. If he had suggested a meet-up, but ended up going out with his friends instead even though they asked him out only so suddenly, I have to follow with it. If he insists I must eat well and care for myself or he won't allow me to care for him, I have to follow with it. If he insists I find a job or two to support myself or he leaves me, I have to follow with it.

I must always follow what he says, whether its his whim, or a serious command.

But if anyone asks, then why do you stay with him, Ai? Why do you stay with someone who almost doesn't care for you, disregards any respect for you? Well, its because I really love him, through anything, I will love him. And there are many other moments when he truly is charming, a gentleman, loving, caring, even enticing. To me, those wonderful times far outweigh any negatives moments that we have, no matter the severity of them. Not that I don't admit to his boyish nature, but I love him too much. Really, I do.

next week.

2008-11-25T23:44:00.001+08:00

Next week's my project submission (and dammit where's my thumbdrive).

Next week's my birthday.

Next week's... another load of project work to do.

Hanarebanare.

2008-11-25T23:43:00.002+08:00

Kurozuka, my favourite anime for this month.

Hanarebanare by Shigi, my favourite song for this month.

DOKO??!?!

2008-11-25T23:41:00.001+08:00

Oh shit. I misplaced my thumbdrive. Which is the only thing that has my work in it. Oh shit.

Do you agree with my chosen dæmon? Please comment!

2007-12-29T16:15:00.000+08:00

恋人.

2007-11-05T16:20:00.000+08:00

If I were a professional manga artist, with nice drawing skills, and more than enough money, I'd buy the rights of Tales of the Otori and publish manga series of one of my favourite trad jap fiction ever. I really would, but only if I had the means to do it well.

Well then today's Monday and I didn't pop up in school.. just didn't want to. Then to my greatest pleasure, Calvin called me this morning! I woke up to his voice.. oohh.. he was in the train, I reckon, judging from the background sounds. He was telling me how the Chanbara tournie went yesterday, and that he thinks he might've lost his wallet when he got drunk, when we just got cut off. 1 minute 13 seconds into the conversation. Then I was flustering over whether to call back and smsed him asking if he cut me off. Then I tried calling and was greeted by an automated voice message in Japanese that I don't understand. Not a single word!! And then I thought about it; Hey, I thought calling in the train is against the culture there?? >.<

Been trying for quite a couple of times now to call him, but to no avail, only that automated message comes through. And since I don't even know what the message is trying to tell me, so I just have to assume he switched off his phone or something. Yeah! Maybe the power went dead or something, so it switched off on his while we were talking. It was the first time he ever called me from Japan! Aww man..but at least he called. He gave me the honour of receiving 1st-hand news and live-feed, woohoo! The call was real clear too, as if we were both in S'pore. I'm so glad I received that call. Thank you, nata ^^

And so, my head's been really messed up lately. I lost track of school; I forgot how to be a student. Seriously! I bought things that I forgot I won't be using anymore, I got stuck thinking how to do my work, I did only my LC module work for e-learning week 'cause it was fun. MCQs. At this rate.. oh man..

I watched Epic Movie from Cal's iPod (he named it Dope Pod) this morning, and I've watched all the stand-up comedies he's got in it too. Fun. Oh and this weekend my family will be visiting my sister's house for Hari Raya (haha, it IS the last day of Raya this Saturday.)

Calvin will be home.. I got mixed up whether he'll be back on the 7th or on the 8th. I've smsed him but he hasn't replied. If I hear nothing by Wednesday morning I'll call his mother to ask. I just got all confused..

Wish me well, everyone. All the best to you guys too :) I love you, nata, 恋人.

Shigeru. My harddisk I named after a fictitious character I have much respect and fantasies for.

2007-10-28T18:18:00.000+08:00

Everything's much more beautiful ever since I've learnt to be more easily emotionally satisfied. But that also means I'll be more easily wrecked in my heart by events that would usually require more impact to cause any response in me. It all started when I confirmed it that Calvin's increased use of vulgarities towards me, as well as hurtful actions is due to 'unappreciation' of me, i.e. taking me for granted. I can understand, it comes naturally; I do it to him too, not once. And now that I know how much it hurts to be taken for granted, I resolved not to take him for granted anymore, treat him like how I did when we first started dating, all precious and careful not to do anything that might make him displeased. Its slowly reflecting in his actions too, and that's made me more easily satisfied emotionally, even with little things. BUT but but, while on this project, its quite taxing specially 'cos I' lagging way behind and have a lot to catch up on to be back on a nice schedule, and I take 15-30min breaks every few hours. These breaks I take the opportunity to read the latest novel I've got in my hands: Its from the Tales of the Otori, authored by Lian Hearn, and I fell for its 1st book while still in Secondary school when I got to know of Across the Nightingale Floor from the book fair in school. I was interested in its Japanese theme but purely fictitious place, time and characters. I couldn't love it more. Across the Nightingale Floor is the 1st in the Otori Trilogy, and I kept myself busy with all the following books; Grass for his Pillow, and Brilliance of the Moon. I'd news that the trilogy didn't mark the end of Tales of the Otori, and was overjoyed when the sequel Harsh Cry of the Heron hit the stores. But nothing made me feel more complete than the final part of the Tales; the prequel to the trilogy and thus completing the whole series, Heaven's Net Is Wide. I'm now just almost halfway through the book I borrowed from the school library, and I'm planning to get the whole set one day. The storey starting a few decades before the start of the beginning of the trilogy, and ending precisely where the trilogy starts, the lead character is different from all the other 4 books. Otori Shigeru was the one who brought in Otori Takeo, his nephew as well as his later adopted son, into the picture and highlight of the rest of the Tales. Shigeru.. ahh, yes.. I was slightly infatuated to him when I read Nightingale, and now, Heaven, spanning the story of almost his whole life, is reliving my attachment to him. The man of noble blood, well trained in body and spirit while still a young teenager, having a love relationship with the lady ruler of another domain and planning to overtake the whole of the Tree Countries with peace and prosperity.. This is the man I named my 80GB harddisk after. Shigeru. I feel like a kid again, like before I'd anything to do with Calvin, when I was hanging on to books and stories to know what love might be like. Even though I've a real taste of it now, and have reach to it anytime, it doesn't harm to still have myself fall into delusion with the characters from a book, and falling in love with a non-existent, fictitious character. And Shigeru is special in my variety of non-existent men I've fantasies about. All the others, its shallow, its their good looks, or abilities. But Shigeru, I fell for him not just for those but also his way of thinking, his course of actions, and the fact that he fell for a mature lady 2-3 years older than he is, because they share the same dream to unite and bring the Three Countries to prosperity, despite his cravings for any woman when he was young. Wait, I know, this sounds stupid to you guys, like, why is this girl wanting to be deluded in a fictitious man. But it feels great, and I can never feel guilty about it XD I just adore and respect him.Of course, of course.. I still love Calvin as much. And he's real, not a fantasy. By the way, he'll be leaving for Japan for his competition in a few days, I hope he'll perform well at the Chanbara competition, and learn much there too, from the masters and other fellow fighters. He'll be gone for a week.. and I promise myself to do my work and not dwell on missing him ^^ It makes him happy to know I'm doing well in all parts of my life, so I wanna make that happen. All for natata!! :D

"Don't worry about it, alright?"

2007-09-17T16:06:00.000+08:00

I was so caught up in sleeping that I didn't want to bring myself up to accompany Calvin to the hospital for an appointment. I feel so so horrible, that I just wanted to sleep as if sleeping is more important than him. I apologise quite a couple of times, and he just said, "Its okay. Its fine. Don't worry about it, alright?" He's so sweet sometimes, but there're also times when he speaks in a terse tone, right about when I make him angry. Like yesterday. God, its the fasting month and I sinned by making someone upset; I broke my own heart by making him angry at me. But at the end of it all, Calvin is always so forgiving, and he tells me honestly and specifically what I did wrong, and how I can make amendments for my mistake. (And then I can feel all the lo~ve oozing out from him..) That's what I really appreciate about him. He tells me my mistake, he tells me how to make up for it, how to change, he forgives me, and he accepts me even after knowing my flaws. That's one of the things I love him for so much. I appreciate him for this, because I can never get this from my family members at home, and I have yet to meet another who deals with my unintentionally rash actions the way he does.

So, what have I been up to lately? Its the holidays, and I've been preoccupied with the hospital, Comex, cleaning, gaming, fasting, going out, and my anata ^^ Really, I love him so much. Anyway, there's only this week left of the holidays, and school will resume. New semester, new General Elective Module, new project, and.. new workspace?? I checked my timetable, and to my horror, ALL my core module classes will be held at the Multimedia Lab @ W5A19. WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR HOME, THE STUDIO??!! :'(

Of course, many things left un-updated, it has come to the part of the year where coming home for dinner with the family is almost obligatory, and cleaning up the whole house is a job for every resident in the home. Ramadhan. Its a holy month, when God has allowed for much praying and repenting, fasting to remind us of the suffering of the poor, zakat to remind us to part to the community what fortunes He has given to us. But with it comes slight hunger, short-temperedness, and all things of the human want that we've to learn to cope with. AND, spring cleaning, which I gotta go do now. Sorry this is a short post, but, byebye ^^"

Cannot pick up item. Inventory is full. Please clear inventory.

2007-07-26T00:17:00.000+08:00

Damn its a mini-submission tomorrow and I'm not even halfway there yet. Just got off from GE; stupid Al Quelt Moreza Siegmund quest is annoying as hell. The Parsonage Tombstone said "16 vouchers", but players who have done this quest posted in the forum that its not 16, its 20. The heck. Already I had to discard so many precious items in the midst of battle mode to make space for these 16, how in the New World am I supposed to make space for TWENTY?!!

Oh. Its been more than a month since I last blogged. Ah~ I literally just forgot and lost all interest in blogging. I'm blogging now only because I feel like I need to rant a bit before starting to do my project. Oh yes. Project. For those who've been keeping my interests at heart (literally), I'd like to announce that I mysteriously and unexplainable failed 2 core modules for my previous project (the one in Term 1 of Yr 2). Whatever. Now we're halfway through the 2nd project of the year; mine is to design the showflat of the HortPark, focusing on interiorscaping instead of only outdoor landscaping. Furniture dimensions, types, brands, also to be specified by us, the designers. This is the project less than half the class chose to do. What happened to the more-than-half? They chose to do the other interiorscape project; designing the planting interiorscape of The Cathay building. Much bigger scale than the HortPark, my darling Calvin chose this project because of the seemingly earlier submission date so that he wouldn't be too stressed for time during his Sports Chanbara competition in mid-August. Yup. Feels nice, that we're not working on the same thing. Even lovers need a break from each other sometimes in some ways. I've been quite a bother to him for the past months and I'm determined not to from now on. So that it'd give him reason to love me more, for giving him breathing space. Just like, for a literal example, you love your spouse so much you'll always sleep facing each other and close up, but it feels that there's less air to breathe and your body will naturally turn to have fresher air. Same here. I don't mind, though. For him ^^

Okay so.. I'm feeling that haircuts are incentives to yourself when you feel like refining the look on your head. I've been so broke lately, more than usual, that even though my hair is disgustingly unkempt due to the uneven length, I can't go get a proper hairdresser. Maybe, I will only when November 30 comes, and I get cash as a birthday present and I'll trim my hair for my turning-18 day. Until then, deal with the rough and uneven length.

Its so late, and after getting annoyed with the quest, I'm feeling lonely, and lonely makes me tired (not lazy. I literally feel drained when I'm feeling lonely), and tired is bad. I might not do my work. Bad bad. But I'll leave it to my mental strength.

Uh oh. I'm seeing purple lights that aren't there. The stupid Siegmund's purple aura actually got to me?! WTF?? God..

I think there's a way to expand my inventory. I'll go check it up soon.

To all, live and love your life. To anata, I love you, and I miss you.

my IE is back to normal!!

2007-06-18T13:27:00.000+08:00

Goodness me.. its been 4 weeks since I last updated my blog, but its been even longer since I last surfed the net on my home computer! My Internet Explorer had been attacked by a network virus that refuses to let Internet Explorer run, so for very long I couldn't use my home computer to surf, though internet connection was perfectly fine and I could go on Windows Live Messenger. How everything went back to normal? After accepting 2 rounds of automatic system updates from Windows, the 2nd one had the anti-virus patch to enable the function of IE again. Restarted the comp.. and.. here I am, back on the Internet with so many things to catch up on and do!

Right now, I'm listening to the soundtrack of Granado Espada, streamed off the American website for the game, but I don't really like the website itself. Just because they titled it as Sword of the New World - Granado Espada. God, that's cheesy! Haha. I like the international site for it; even the Singapore one is a bit too noisy the moment you enter the site. I've checking up on GE as much as I can, 'cos I intend to play though to do that I've to upgrade my system 1st. The way my computer is now, it can't support any major games well. In any case, the soundtrack is beautiful. You should listen to it ^^

Okays, of course, for the one lunar month-long that I haven't been blogging, lots of things have happened. 1st up, the Integrated Project 1 is over. Our group had quite a rough time, but I feel that it was a good lesson learnt for everyone. Our design wasn't chosen to be presented to the client, but I was proud of it anyways. Its just that we couldn't deliver our idea well. Gotta work on that ;)

Then... its the holidays! Started off with early Dads' Day celebration as a big family at Eatzi Gourmet (Eastpoint), then some amaendment works for the portfolio and stuff, then a bit of going out to window shop and dine out, though not much.. Met up with Lyz after a long time not having met. Last Thursday was the 14th again, its been 13 months together; Calvin and I decided to have a little bit of fun in the water. With his sister and one of his best friends, we played in the pool at Calvin's condominium. I fell twice that day; 1st one cost me a tiny cut on the left hand, and the 2nd one.. haha, I twisted my left foot while going down the steps at the overhead bridge near his place. Tore a ligament and had a little abrasion. Wasn't because it was slippery nor was I not paying attention to the steps nor was I wearing heels, it was more like my legs failed me. You know, it happens sometimes, that your motor skills just decides to have a small lapse and it goes weak all of a sudden for no apparent reason? Yeah. Just so happened I was walking down the steps. Went to the doctor's the next day just to see if there's anything major implicated, and to consult for care taking advice and medication.

I hated the weekend following that, though. My sis just insisted that I do the housework though I couldn't even walk properly. Finally its Monday, she's at work and no one is here to bother me happily using the net ^^ my dad just got home from work, by the way. He's fast asleep now.

And my dear friend WoanNi managed to help me get Endless Story instrumental track! Yay! I'll be joining the BE (Sch. of Built Env.) Karaoke contest with that song. Its more for fun than to win. Its so rare that they let you sing Jap songs for local competitons, so I grabbed my chance at this one! Endless Story is from Yuna Ito's very 1st single, also featured in the movie NANA by Serizawa Reira (starring Yuna Ito herself)

Okay, so that's up to as much as I can recall to blog about XD I can't wait to get to see my anata tomorrow after 3 days of not seeing each other. I miss him so much~ <3 wanna give him a nice surprise!

101st post.haha.

2007-05-21T19:42:00.000+08:00

Okay first up I am SO sorry to not have blogged for the past 2 weekends. Gah. 1st, I was really busy and tired, and 2nd, my Internet Explorer at home I think got bugged. Simply can't access the internet. The connection is fine 'cos MSN was working perfectly fine *but* IE couldn't work.

Anyways, I shall attempt to blog for both weekends today, since I'm using Calvin's laptop now and have nothing else much to do and my home internet is still not fixed yet.

Okay so 2 weeks ago.. It was a really busy weekend for me. 12th (Sat) I had a project group meeting from morning till evening, then when I got home I had to immediately get ready to leave again for a family dinner celebration of Mothers' Day. Its one day early, yes, but we probably chose to do so 'cos my brother-in-law had to work the next day. Like last year, we went to Esplanades 2HotHalal Cafe for dinner, but this year, after the dinner by the bay was a visit to my dad's workplace at Marina South Pier, also another sea-side (and surprisingly REALLY close to my brother-in-law's workplace at Marina Bay MRT station). Went there just to enjoy theview and the breeze, but primarily to find out where on earth my dad actually works, 'cos we only know he's a skipper (works on boats), but not where he actually goes to work. Now we do ^^ after which we went to East Coast (yes, yet another sea-side) just for the McDonald's (my niece was insisting on having french fries).

And the day after was Calvin's birthday. My darling's 18th birthday. And also Mothers' Day. The morning was spent sleeping, afternoon spent having break, lunch and watching Inuyasha Movie 4 at home as a family, and the evening I was invited out for dinner with Calvin and his sister; we dined at Swensens at Orchard. Funny how he received an envelope full of Mothers' Day vouchers for his birthday from the Swensens management. Haha. He said he'll be giving it to his mother when she comes back from work in Japan in a few weeks.

Monday.. ahh.. remember what I post about every 14th of the month? This woul be the 12th 14th, i.e. our 1st year anniversary, my anata and I. We went to school as per normal, the full 10-5 (surprisingly), and went out after that. Where to? Night Safari! XD it was fun looking at animals that wake and are active at night, but I kept complaining that I'm just a simple human and not a nocturnal, suggesting that Night Safari should considering renting out or selling night-vision binoculars to their visitors. Don't you think?

But the best part of the whole day was the last. When we took a cab home, sending me off at Bedok North St 3 first before he goes home to Balestier. We got into the cab, and the 1st thing he did when we settled down was to lean in on me and whispered, "I like you".
Ohh was I swooning and started crying in reminiscence of what happened exactly a year ago, when he insisted on accompanying me home on the train after his birthday celebration, even though it was out of the way for him, and when the seat next to me was finally empty, he sat there, leaned in on me and whispered "I kinda like you". Whaa... I started crying, really. I was so so happy at realising that it really has been a whole year since we decided to be together, we had gone through so many things that threatened to make us give up on the relationship and also bind us even closer together. I was too busy having recollections and crying, I can't really recall much of it now. But I remember replying him, after some time absorbing the blissful shock, saying "I think I like you too".

Mwahaha. Finally I replied him, after a whole complete year. That time, when he 1st said it to me, I was really too shocked to think of a good response. I was so shocked I just decided to continue pretending I was too sleepy to give a response. And we only got together after a short series of smses that ended off with me saying "Well, I would've gone after you if you hadn't asked me first. So, yah.", and his "Awesome. See you in school tomorrow :)"

Ever since then I've been having really deep thoughts about our relationship, how it'll go on from here. There was actually a slight problem that triggered us into thinking seriously about us. The problem is hopefully almost over, but we're still putting a lot of thought into this relationship. I don't want to be too open about this here, but let's just say we know what we need and what we can choose to achieve.

Meanwhile, group project had been going along fine... really...

OKay, so now, for the recently passed weekend.. let's see... I spent Saturday at home. This time round we spent it watching Inuyasha Movie 2 again together as a family at home. Sunday I went over to Calvin's in the late morning till he had to leave for Chanbara at 3, and I went home. Sleep. Nothing much, really.

Kaes I gotta go off now. Its really late and I've to be getting home. So, hopefulle I'll et to blog again this weekend.

project task breakdown.

2007-05-06T22:20:00.000+08:00

Hmm. I'm currently working on breaking down the project task breaking-down. Effectively I'm really busy this very moment that I'm typing this blog post. I'm doing my work, having a chat on msn with Calvin about ourselves and another chat with a friend about paying back Ramadhan fast.. It may seem simple and few but they're a few *heavy* things weighing in my mind. Not just *some* things.

But I still wanna post tonight. Latest news: Ai has totally fallen in love with a J-pop artiste, Yuna Ito. I like ALL her songs! And the best part is, my sister has just bought her 1st (and currently her only) album titled 'Heart'! OMFG I'M SO FREAKKIN' HAPPEEEEEE!!

I hear tomorrow's the results for BE Main Comm 07/08. I guess I'm a little interested to know 1st-hand, but... see if I've the time to stop by and syick around the club tomorrow afternoon la. If not, I could always get someone to keep me updated of the results.

Over the past week, what happened was the completed, submission, presentation and critique of Task A of our Integrated Project 1. I should say our process went along fine, only the presentation part had a few glitches. Overlooked certain things. Haha. My fault. But I'll keep note of all works to be done this time, alright? Let's do our best, el espacio verde!

We're moving on to Task B now. This coming Tuesday is Ryann's birthday, the coming Sunday is Calvin's birthday and the following Monday marks our 1st year together; our 1st anniversary. Its sad that I can't financially afford to do anything at all for these great events. I hate myself for my financial incapability. Urgh. Annoyingashell. Annoyinga Shell.

Well, for now, its 11pm on a Sunday night and I've got an In-Class Exercise in the morning tomorrow. Gotta be off.

i felt so detestable.

2007-04-29T21:54:00.000+08:00

I'd thought that when I told him, he'd start to dislike me and distance himself from me. It never crossed my mind not to tell him about it, because I never want to hide anything from him. So I smsed him about it... I asked him what would he do if he were in my position. He said he'd slap himself for thinking that. I felt that I should slap myself, then. But, my anata.. he didn't scold me. He didn't even doubt me. He forgave my thoughts, and had me forgive myself for it. He kept telling me its okay.. He still loved me as much as he did before I told him about it.

And I loved him even more for that.

He can be so unbelieveably cool and forgiving sometimes. Its rare, so I never fail to appreciate it when it happens.

A lot of things can happen in a week. Like, this past one, I've started to miss lectures again. Aww man. Its ONLY Week 2! Gotta be more disciplined. And, I stuck around the BE Club more often. Its great to know the juniors are conveniently making use of its existence too. Haha. Also... I got myself into a huge problem with Calvin. I was at fault, he scolded me at length, yet in the end he still let me cry on his shoulders, kiss him and receive many hugs from him. Nothing felt better than seeing him smile and getting a kiss on my forehead after crying for so long over hating myself. I couldn't feel any better than knowing that he still loved me even though I made him so upset.

Ah man. I'm tired. And lazy. I wanna sleep. But I've got loads of stuff to do before then. GAH~

they took a candid shot of me with that Finepix.

2007-04-22T16:39:00.000+08:00

Okay, it seems I'm blogging like, once a week, and only on weekends. Seriously, I'm busy, guys. You can say I'm getting unnecessarily stressed over school, but I want to be serious about school now. Really. Blogging ain't important as compared to doing my projects and all. And weekends are about the only time I have to surf leisurely on the net. So.. w_h, thanks for the offer to let me have something to blog, but really, I have many other things to blog about. Haha.

By the way, I'm well already, thanks to the doctor's prescription. Sorethroat's gone after about 2-3 days, and fever dissipated by Sunday night. Thanks for your concern, guys. Don't worry, I know how to take care of myself. I got sick only because I opened a door for infection when I ate that super-nice Grilled Salmon w/Chips (which sored my throat) and later took care of sick Calvin (whose fever I infected). But I'm perfectly fine now and he's also well on his way to full recovery :) I couldn't be happier about his good health.

2 days ago (Fri 20 April 07), my group mate WaiMeng and I went for a 2nd trip to the site for our project to take measurements. The day started off..normal. (Being 14 minutes late for lecture that starts at 8am is normal, isn't it?) Cal woke up late (he's also my group member), and he refused to not attend lecture at all, and requested to be contacted to come to class only when lecture's over. The lecture was by that woman, and just as I'd expected, her long-winded-ness made me dizzy. Had a good time privately rebutting her lecture with Ryann and Fad, though (they're my 2 other group mates).

Then when lecture ended, I sms-ed Cal to ask him to come over from the BE clubroom to class at W5A19 but he didn't reply nor arrive soon after. That started to make me upset, somehow. Then after waiting for an eternity for that woman to come back with photocopied pieces of the site's context plan, Meng and I made more copies for ourselves and set off to Bedok View Sec (where our project site is located), and retardedly, group leader (Ryann) gave us $10 to take a cab there when I was almost certain it'd cost at least $15 (which it did). Meng paid $2 and me $3.20 (that was the very last of my cash) and that made me slightly more upset. At the site, we did measuring until the sun was too unbearable (it fried my brain)..my mood got worse when I decided to call my mates over at school and realise that they did something as stupid as coming up with only ONE bubble diagram and then allowed for dismissal of the group meeting. By the time I got back to school, I started crying and explaining my self to Ryann and Fad (Cal went off the moment he realised I was just being stressed over nothing, Meng sisn't follow me back to school). Cried a river... until I was done explaining and got my mood up for a bit. By the time we were done and I looked for Cal, everything was okay. I insisted on a date with him that very evening (>.<) and the 2 of us went out to Raffles City and Marina Square, after which I sent him home. By the end of the day, by that night, I was overflowing with happiness, I tell ya. What a swingin' day.

Yesterday, I went for another trip to the site to do conventional site inventory and analysis, AND THEN THE TRIP TO SENTOSA!! WOOHOO!! Last week, Cal and I didn't attend the post-BEFOC (Sch of Built Env Freshman Orientation Camp) outing to East Coast, but we both (and quite many others) made it to the 2nd post-BEFOC outing at Palawan Beach! Had a hell of a fun time there with my juniors and Cal too :) I made friends with many more juniors, especially with this little group that welcomed me into the sea the moment I arrived at the beach. I stuck with them all the way till when I had to go.. I definitely didn't regret making the decision to go for the outing this time!

Being hyper is fun. And surprisingly I didn't get heady nor tired during the outing even though I went on Hyperdrive-mode XD

OKies, I wanna go do my project now. I'll be in again next week!

Three hundred and thirty-six days. 336.

2007-04-14T21:55:00.000+08:00

Today's the 14th yet again. The twelfth 14th that means so much to me, the eleventh 14th from the first one.

It has been eleven months, yes. 29 days to Calvin's 18th birthday, 30 days to our 1st-year anniversary together. Somehow today I've been staring at him a lot, as if I've got a childish crush on him. Except, the feeling of anxiety to do a maiden proclamation my love for him ain't really there. But just today, it felt as if this guy is someone new for me to know. Its not a bad thing, really. I mean, like everything started all over again, I'm new to him, and as if we've just started out, we haven't had any disagreements or problems, and everything feeling so pure and bliss. Somehow, I felt like I'm back at 15th May 2006, that Monday morning, when we saw each other for the 1st time after agreeing to be together.

Sorry for all the numbers and my mushy-ness, but because I'm not feeling well right now (running a fever and sorethroat), I'm quite delirious and insist on blogging about my 11th mon-versary, that's today.

Today was TKGS's Speech day, BE Club's post-FOCamp outing, a Saturday, and I thought that I could never be happier to forgo the 2 important events to be with my beloved. He's *still* unwell, by the way, and just after getting home just now, I realised that I'm feeling unwell too XD Okay, so today, after hours of deliberating on what to wear, I got around to wearing what I'd already ironed and planned to wear to go out with my pals Jer and Rai some time back. Set off for Balestier, met up with him near his place just after his Cappoeira class, he got himself a shower, took his fever+cough+phlegm+antibiotic medication, and we went off to nearby Novena Square's Fish & Co. The destination for our date wasn't planned at all; it was impromptu. It was nice that the place was so open and there were very few diners there with us. Got meself Grilled Salmon w/chips and Ginger Ale, and he got the simple Fish & Chips with complete meal (i.e. w/Passion Fruit drink and Soup of the Day). But he felt unwell while eating, so as soon as I was done with mine, we paid for the bill and got him home to rest. He developed a headache on top of his fever. All I could do was accompany him while he's resting. That I did. I really couldn't bring myself to leave his place when it was time for me to get back home; I wish I could just stay and take care of him and wake him up tomorrow, feeling for myself if he's better already or not. Alas, that I could not do. My dearest walked me to the door, I went home on my own, in the rain. I couldn't imagine walking in the rain with my umbrella while wearing those ladies' sandals. All the way home; walk to bus stop, bus to Lavender, walk to MRT station, train to Bedok, walk to bus interchange, bus to home, walk to my block... NO WAY. So I took a cab home, even though I'd told him I wouldn't. I'm sorry, anata. I couldn't help it. I was already really late to get home (I know its my fault) and I wasn't about to risk slipping in the rain in those sandals.

I got home, prayed, realised I'm running a fever and got a sorethroat. Nice. Now we're *both* ill. I just called him a few minutes back; he said he's feeling better. That's really great news to me. You know, I've been so very sad that he's unwell for so long. And I mean sad literally. I cried a couple of times just because I was with him and he was still coughing and all. I can't hug him tight like always, I can't kiss him without a worry that his cough might act up. And his body temperature felt warm; too warm for my liking. I've been feeling down these days due to his un-well-being. I really wish he will get well very very soon. Its all in disciplining himself to get the proper rest that he needs..

But, on my way home, in the cab, I wrote him a 4-page sms. And for the 1st time in asagawa-xanax's history, I'll type out my private sms here for everyone to see:

So many times today
I find myself staring at you
Its not your being obnoxious
But your self, your looks
your form, your attitude
your voice, your words
your heart, your love
Somehow I kept getting
entranced by you
Over and over, repeatedly
as if you're always so new
Not even once today did I worry
Of how long we'd last
That we've come this far
I'm truly grateful to still be yours
My affections for you keeps renewing itself
I love you no less now than
the last time I felt so attached to you
And it'll not die down, anata

I'm always in love with you, Calvin.

Fat ones, skinny ones, just like you XD

2007-04-06T23:34:00.000+08:00

OH my GOD ITS BEEN ONE WHOLE FREAKKIN' MONTH! One whole month since I last blogged. So sorry for my absence. No excuses and I can't explain anyway. You can't possibly list down every single thing you did in the last thirty days, can you? (If you do... you're wEiRd.)

ANYways, I just got back from BE FOC. (No, not "be free-of-charge"; its "[School of] Built Environment Freshmen Orientation Camp") Hell, it was just..simply.. fun, FUN, AND MORE CRAZY FUN!! There're quite many things that I clearly remember that happened during the camp. Which is good, 'cos it means that I immersed myself deeply in it that I can easily recall what happened.

Went there as a helper only la.. but it felt good. Real good. That I got to meet my juniors and even know them: name, personalities and all. Maybe not all but the few that I can, I'm proud I could. Swell, I developed rashes on my right foot and only noticed it today, after 4 days of the camp. Don't even know how or when I got it. But, who cares about injury or whatever; the fun and joy and laughter has been successfully achieved between me, my juniors and even my fellow Year 2 and 3 seniors! Anything for that, guys. Its almost priceless, all that fun and enthusiasm and friendship. Thank you all seniors, Main Comm, GLs, Hello Pandas (helpers) for making this reality; thank you freshies for being there to celebrate their work! This being my 1st camp in my life at SP, seriously, it was superb. Cheers, games, MT Night and all.. whoah... wonderful. BE FOC 07/08 was a great success, don't you think, BE peeps?!!

Sorry, no pics to upload 'cos I was too busy being involved and cheering and motivating and chatting. Loads of fun, man. I don't mind not having time for photo-taking. Alls swell and worth it. Thanks Calvin for letting me attend the camp as a helper :) Thanks a lot, anata. Despite the not-so-nice parts of behind-the-scenes, generally it was great, was it not? SUPERHEROES, OOOOII!

And I'm left with an aching right bum, a right shoulder that feels as if its got stabbed by a dagger blade, rashies on me right foot. Basically, a retarded right-side of my body. Haha.

Damn sleepy now, man. FINALLY the lack of sleep is getting to me. I thought I was too high on adrenaline it couldn't go down. Then again I have low blood pressure and I didn't eat anything substantial at all during the camp.

Okays okays, sorry ah, wanna go sleep already. See all you guys around, Superheroes!

Fly Me To The Moon..

2007-03-05T15:14:00.000+08:00

Damn I've been singing Utada Hikaru's songs all day since I woke up this morning. I guess I do miss having Calvin's iPod with me, afterall ^^

Which reminds me...HOW COULD I NOT HAVE KNOWN THERE WAS A LUNAR ECLIPSE 2 NIGHTS AGO??!! Sigh.. I was quite upset when I was watching the news yesterday and they mentioned a lunar eclipse that occured the night before. Blame me for not reading and watching news enough these days. If I did, I would've known. Though it would be great if I managed to watch it happen, 'cos it occured soon after moon set here in Singapore. Man...nevermind. There's gonna be another eclipse estimated on 28th August this year. At least I've already taken note of this one :)

Its March now.. Quite a couple of events happened between the last time I blogged and now. Recent and significant ones to remember would be Raidah's birthday celebration, meet-up with Ryann-nii and Fad, and 14th Feb!

I made roses for 14th Feb. You know, paper ones; originally known as dollar bill roses, I modified it to use fancy papers (cutting it to my own dimensions) to make the roses. I did a bit of research on the meanings of different colours of roses and different numbers. I helped my sister to make some for her friends; yellow ones, representing friendship. Of course, I made for Calvin too. 11 stalks (meaning "you're my treasured one"), in 5 colours:
Red (Romantic love);
Purple (Love at 1st sight);
Coral (Desire);
Pink (Gratitude);
White (Reverance)
14th Feb 07 was more particularly celebrated as our 9th month together, rather than a tribute to Valentine's Day. I got 2 Godiva chocolates from my beloved, no less ^^ arigatou, anata.. aishiteru!

Anyways. I'm hungry. haha. Which reminds me of the outing I had with Calvin, Ryann-nii and Fadilah-chan. We went to Seoul Garden at marina Square. Fad and I, being gundus to the Seoul Garden style, were.. well.. gundus. Whadya expect? It was my 1st time there in almost a decade! Nice food, though :)

Raidah's birthday was no hoo-hah. Eat out at TM Pizza Hut, visit to Jer's place for a bit, then birthday girl had to go for Taekwondo training. I tagged along ^^ She has joined the ranks of Panda-chan to be legalised to purchase liquor and watch M18 movies, and get a driving licence! I'll have to wait till its almost the end of the year..

Well oh well, like I said, I'm hungry now. Gonna cook instant noodles or something. Pardon my lack of blogging. My internet connection is stupid, and today is a miracle that it had not disconnected me even once! Okies. Hope to see more of my pals around!

Ouh. Need a new template.

2007-02-02T12:02:00.000+08:00

Ahaha. Okay. Actually I've nothing in mind to blog about, but I guess its no excuse since I haven't been blogging for...half a month. Let's do a head start; Things in my mind right now:
1. Need to find new blogskin and change asagawa-xanax (finally, after 3 months)
2. I miss my anata
3. Wanna go clean up his room
4. Don't feel like visiting the doctor to get my ear fixed today
5. Hope Nokia can really get my phone fixed (incl. the faults I forgot to inform them)
6. I Hate My Constantly-Disconnecting-Hell-Of-An-ADSL!

Oh, so yesterday, I went to Wheelock Place to get my 8-month old N70 fixed at the Nokia Care Ctr. N70 is known to be a faulty-by-default model. Haha. Well, my problems with my phone was 1st, the port wasn't working anymore (where you plug in your headset or the wire to connect to a USB port). This problem I forgot to tell the CSO while at the counter, so I doubt they'll know of the fault and get in fixed. The 2nd thing was that my Multimedia Gallery couldn't access to my MMC card anymore. The MMC is fine 'cos you can still read its contents from 'File Manager', but the Gallery can't seem to detect and display the MMC contents. 3rdly, my phones exhibits no alert/ringing/beep/vibration whatsoever when there's a new message in my inbox. No nothing. Not even on the main page, it no longer shows the "1 new message" notice, neither the icon display to show an un-opened sms. The only I'll know there's a new message is when I go to the inbox itself and realise that there's a new message.

It has annoyed me enough. So I've sent it to get it fixed. It seems that they're gonna upgrade my software as a solution to all my phone problems. I hope it'll work. I'm now temporarily using my mother's Motorola phone, until I can collect my N70 back tomorrow.

Anyways, I was thinking about how different people prioritise things differently. The topic was regarding respecting others around you and respecting yourself, versus doing what you wanna do, what you think is most important in your life. I'm convinced by my derivation that people who do not understand or know how or why to respect others are simply as such due to their twisted priorities, that the world revolves around them and them only ("Its all about you, isn't it? Its always about you. You, you, YOU. And no one else. Huh? Isn't it?!") That no one matters more than themselves only. That everyone else is there just to serve as 'supporting actors' in the story of their lives. Because the priority is you yourself, you see no need to respect others. So long as you get what you like and what you want, everything else doesn't matter. Not even the people who actually love and care for you.

Look at it otherwise. That the world DOES NOT revolve around you. That YOU are the one revolving the world. That you are NOT the most important thing there is to yourself, that there is something or someone you love more than yourself. By default, because there are other things that are important to you, you will naturally respect and appreciate and love that important something or someone. Because its so very important to you, you don't want to waste it away, you'll regret it if it were to leave your life. Thus you will learn to respect it, so that it will be part of your life for as long as it can be. In terms of the important thing being a someone, means to respect him/her, put yourself in a lower status and importance than him/her, in best hopes that he/she will also love and respect you and thus remain with you. Because, afterall, why would anyone want to stay with someone who doesn't respect him/her?

This respect thing, with regard to social relationships, is also derived from my belief that Relationship = Respect + Responsibility + Romance, in that order. Thus if you want to have and keep your lover or even family and friends, you must 1st and foremost put yourself humbly behind them, and respect them. Next, be responsible for whatever happens to the both of you, or even to just them. Romance will take different forms in different types of relationships. For friends, its the love and concern that comes from being a friend. For family, its the love for your siblings/parents, the love for the people who have brought you into this world and brought you up, seen you through your years. For romantic relationships, its unneeded explanation; the pure and beautiful love for your partner. Romance, responsibility and respect are the 3 main things I believe is *required* to sustain a good relationship.

So, basically, I conclude that if you truly love something or someone more than yourself, you will naturally respect him/her/it. And it works vice-versa; if you don't respect someone/something, it means that you don't think its important enough to be respected, not as important as you are. That kind of thinking (the latter), simply means that you're highly self-centred, very possibly highly egocentric.

I really do love you, Calvin. I'll respect you, even if you don't understand why you need to respect anyone at all, not even me. Its fine. I'll still love you, no less. But I'll try to make you understand that you are not what the world is all about. There are cultures, people, ideas around you that are even more important than you yourself. But I'll always respect you. Always.

And so, the end of today's post. Quite long, eh? And I thought I had nothing to blog about. Haha. This always happens. Well, I don't know when I'll be blogging next, but see you around!

Oops. Haha XD

2007-01-17T15:25:00.000+08:00

Since a certain someone actually verbally complained outright to me that I haven't been blogging and didn't even inform of my absence, I shall now make a grand comeback...

...by announcing...

that I might be having the great honour of going through an exclusive interview with the Sch of BE and/or DLA in-charges. This assumption is due to the fact that I have effectively flunked my final project so badly that I might not pull through Year 1 in Dipl. Landscape Arch.

Cool huh.

Anyways, I'm pretty numb to this. My project presentation is set for tomorrow, but I'll be giving a silent presentation 'cos I'd come late for the 1st day of critique session. Okay, a less-than-40% completed submission, no presentation, no allowance to defend design and concept...spells B-L-O-O-M, doesn't it? Bloom in doom. Good going, Aishah. I brought this upon myself, I know. I might fail this year, I might not (that's if my 1st 3 projects can actually effectively pull up the failing grades for this one). I'm really pretty numb. I think the shock and confusion will only kick in when its for sure whether I'm failing or moving on for certain. Otherwise, I'm numb. Not positive, not negative, to both as well as neither paths.

Any case, actually I'm proud of my concept and design. Its sensible and not too cheesy. Then again, I didn't put in much effort to this. Yes I'm blatantly admitting that I was simply a lazy b*tch. I could've done well, but noooo...I just had to experience a shameful downfall. Maybe I felt like getting slapped. I don't know. I'm so ashamed of my submission and myself that I'm somewhat more happy than upset that I'll be giving a silent presentation.

As for other parts of my life, hmm...say I've grown ever closer to Calvin-kun? That one I'm zettai certain. And...today's his sister's birthday. Oh ya, I've offered to be an informal tutor to his sister, Cheryl-chan, the kiddo. She's taking her 'O's this year, and since she's somewhat set on getting into TP's Dipl. Moving Images (which was my 2nd choice, by the way), I'm gonna help her get there. Not much; just checking on her that she understands her school work, able to do well for tests and exams, provide assistance anytime she needs it (like, sure, call me in the middle of the night just to ask me how to solve a mathematical problem. I'll get up and help ya over da phone. Really.) I'm not asking for anything in return, because the satisfaction of helping someone I know get through to her dreams would be more than enough. And, when she makes it there to TP, she'll be living the life I would've lead if I hadn't gotten in to DLA.

Happy birthday, kiddo! ^^ sorry I haven't got any pressies for you, though. I really cannot afford it, what with 5 other birthdays in Jan, 2 out of 5 extremely important (my eldest sister's and her daughter's [Min-chan! XD] Min-chan turns 2 years-old on 22nd Jan)

I'm right now in the school library. I'd just ended my elective module class just now (and following through an impromptu personal invitation to visit my captain's staff room), and had intended to salvage whatever of my project in the studio and better it if I can before tomorrow's silent presentation, BUT THE STUDIOS ARE CLOSED!! Staff Rally @ the Convention Ctr, I figure. Damn. So I headed to the library to do my ppt, but I don't even know what I need to put into the ppt (even my precious little note-taking book and pencil case), and therefore here I am, blogging. While listening to Utada Hikaru on shuffle and repeat mode on Calvin's Poddie (my term for iPod).

Man, I'm tired of being stagnant. Gonna go try start on my ppt. Wish me luck~

My 17th year on the face of this earth :)

2006-12-04T11:12:00.000+08:00

Well the 1st of December started at around 0017hrs for me, when I woke up to a vibrating phone right under my pillow, signalling an incoming message. And it read "3 new messages". SO it was from Woan Ni (2359hrs 30th Nov), Xu Meng (0001hrs 1st Dec), Abang a.k.a. Bro-in-law (0016hrs 1st Dec). Then came another one at 0108hrs from Amanda (I *seriously* thought she'd forgotten!). And a belated 0305 call. I was born at 0305hrs, you see, so I tried to get Cal to call me at 0305hrs on the 1st of Dec 2006. But he was tired, so he woke up and called me at 0313hrs instead, with a tired, reluctant voice, and ended off with "So can I go back to sleep now? 'Cos I'm really tired."

Oh WeLL~ At least he called :)

Then, I found out some family secrets from my sister, so I ccouldn't leave home early to meet Cal at City Hall just before he heads to work. So that day, I wore the new pearl-coloured 'URS inc.' ladies' sandals that I'd finally bought for myself the day before (@VivoCity. Man do I hate that messy hell-of-a-place), my hot pink 'U2' ladies' t-shirt with my light pink Potpourri skirt (bought for my previous bday).

Met with Jer on top of Mount. B. (more famously known as School of Business, or SB). AND...Amanda was there too! And they gave me a wrapped, foldable thingy as a bday pressie! Yay! (Actually, its a really beautiful and soft shawl, here's how it looks:)

Yah. Thanks, Jer and Panda! I wore it the moment I unwrapped the gift, which was during CRS. Anyways, I treated them to Pizza Hut @ FC5, afterwhich we did a mini photoshoot (which seemed more like stalking to me)

Went to studio, decided not to straighten my hair with Syaz's hair iron, went for CRS. Gave out chocolates! Got Cal's pressie 1st (it was not wrapped, and here're 2 pics of the 2 sides of the same thing:)

Its a GODDAMMITSOF*CKINGCOOL GundamSeedDestiny Complete Best soundtrack CD+DVD box set from Nippon-land itself!! AhAhAhaHaHaaaa~

Then came Ryann-oniichan's pressie! (Something I've once said I've always wanted one of my friends to get for me, but none had so far:)

Its a FREAKIN'AWESOME music-box-kind-of-thing!! Yeap. Come to my place and I'll show you how it works. Haha. Thanks so much for that, Ryann-kun.

Yahuh. Then Cal and I went to Bugis Junc. to take my mandatory bday neoprints! I don't have uploaded pics for that, though.

Went home to a box of plain cheese pizza!! Played around with the music box, went to sleep.

Woke up the next day, played around with the GSDestiny CD on my compie. Its got all the GSDestiny complete OPs/EDs, Meteor, Vestige, and 3 OP/ED remixed ver. So COOL!!! Thank you so very much, Calvin dear.

Yup. So that's how my 17th birthday went. I just realised, it went without a cake. OMG. How could I have not realised that earlier. ArGh~ Well at least people wished me well. I'm already very happy with that :D Thanks, everyone! Hope you liked the chocolates!

And, oh, here's the supa-ultra-giga cool hankie from Nippon-land I mentioned the other time:

Sleepless night~

2006-11-26T05:45:00.000+08:00

Phew that was fun. Its been some time I did work overnight and not sleep. Last time I did that, I overslept by 4 hours, missed meeting my dear before school as promised the night before, and got to school 2 hours late. Well today's a Sunday, but I'll still be meeting him.

I just got my powerpoint presentation basics done. Now I've gotta get the hardscapes and furniture done, photocopy, put in the softscapes, colour. Only, silly me just had to forget to bring my Copic markers home from my workspace; so I've to borrow someone else's who's already done colouring and didn't leave the markers in the studio. Hope someone can help.

Other than that, there's still the sections, elevations, and perspective drawings, and the study model. Mmn..all these depend on a completed layout, so I can't start yet. Perspectives maybe, and oh yeah, the concept brief in relation to site.

Yay. I don't feel too bad now that the ppt is at least there. LAYOUT!!! MUST GET IT DONE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!

Its sad how some of the important people in your life sometimes simple forget the simple details of your life, while you bother to take note and remember theirs. I'm not exactly sad or anything, just wondering how is it that they don't seem to be able to recall the simplest of things.

AND...Its confirmed that I'll be going for the Taman Negara trip next month! If I read the itinerary well, it sounds more like a leisure trip than a study trip :) and Calvin's coming along too! YAY!! What could be better! But..haha...this is strange but true...AGAIN my school trip clashes with a cosplay event, and this will mean that I haven't gone to any cosplay event this year. How sad~

Also, I received and invitation ffrom the S'pore Poly Dept of Language and Communications to take up Diploma-Plus course in Malay studies. Apparently, you've to be individually invited by the school to take this opportunity. Also apparently, they pick only the 'top few' students who graduated out of sec sch or whatever with exceptional ML grades. Not that I'm trying to brag, but...methinks they overestimate me. I only had a mere B3 for GCE 'O' Levels twice. In any case, if I can have a GPA of at leats 2.5 at the end of Year 1, I can take up the invitation to do this additional course that can apparently again, give me wider opportunities to working or studying in Malaysia. When I think about this part, I keep on going "Oh WOW. Why would I wanna study there? I'd rather pursue Landscape Architecture in NZ!"

I appreciate the offer anyway, SP. Thanks for the invitation. I am most honoured.

Anyways~ its already 6am now, I might as well go pray Subuh and continue on my layout plan. Till next time, guys! Wish me luck for my submission tomorrow and my presentation/critique session this coming Thursday!

Exquisite. Makes me feel refined.

2006-11-17T00:59:00.000+08:00

My dearest has just returned from Japan 2 days ago :D

I'm so so so very happy, I thought that yesterday was a Monday. Then when I think, I realise its a Thursday. His return somehow marked the start of my week. He altered my biological calendar, dammit :p

Haha. Its been a LONG time since I last blogged here. More than half a month. Sorry for my disappearance. Obviously, Primer 4 project has been swallowing my time. I enjoy doing it, though. I enjoy the stress that comes with it; the A1-sized, 1:100 scale layout plans; the feel of tracing paper under my hand instead of butter paper for the past 2 months. Projects can be fun when you're on the right and good-timing track :)

I haven't had any anime for the past few months, though. Somehow it doesn't bother me much anymore. Its as if it doesn't really matter. As long as I can watch anime when I've the time to catch it on TV. Oh no. Could I be so stressed, I'm starting to find no joy in anime anymore?? NOOOOO!!!

ANyways, LOTS has happened this past weeks that I haven't been blogging. Some of the most important news:
`I went for the 1-day Powered Pleasure Craft Driving License (PPCDL) Course
`I've fallen in love with the song 'Vestige' from GSeedDestiny
`I've started watching Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles (finally!!)
`I've started picking up speed on my Primer
`Calvin went to Nippon-land
`I own a beautiful, superb, exquisite hankerchief from Nippon-land
`and a not-as-superb, but just as exquisite vanity mirror from Nippon-land as well
`Calvin dearest has made me so very proud of him for his achievement in the Sports Chanbara competition in Nippon-land (Bronze medal for Kihon Dosa)
`I've been seriously considering taking up Kendo next year
`I actually consumed an extremely fine and exquisite mochi from Nippon-land itself!!
`I've a one-month assignment on chart work for my GE/ISBT module.

(Note: All things of Nippon-land origin is thanks to my darling Calvin ^^)

By the way, I actually forgot to take my handphone with me when I left the studio yesterday. So Calvin got Fadilah to bring it home for me (I only realised I didn't have my phone with me when I was already in the bus). Gah~ I miss smsing nonsense.

Concept: Columns. Style: Modern-Contemporary. I really had thought my Primer 4 would be Japanese-influenced. Apparently I like contemporary design and architecture (and even plants) better. Oh well. I like my design so far, anyways. If I can, I'll load the layout plan up on this blog to show you guys how it looks like. I'm very proud of my work :D

Ouh. I'm listening to 'Shinkai no Kodoku' right now; its an insert song from GSeedDestiny (Stellar's image song). I really like to listen to this song when I'm doing work on the comp very late at night; so late, its early. One time, I listened to it, scrutinize the meaning of the lyrics, and I just started crying. This song is really really sad. The lyrics..it starts with "Kanashimi wo oshiete" = "Tell me what is sadness". I mean, Stellar, the character whom this song is for, she's not really human; she's an 'Extended', born and bred for the sole purpose of fighting the war, and her emotions and memories are all controlled and manipulated. So literally, she doesn't know the meaning of sadness. All she knows is to kill the enemy, and "I don't wanna die". Best part is, this song was 1st played on the anime on the episode when Stellar died. All that combined together...its really a tear-jerking concoction.

Okie now I'm on 'Honoo no Tobira', also an insert song from GSD (and Cagalli's image song). This song..its only about 65% as sad as 'Shinkai no Kodoku'. Its about Cagalli learning to pick up the courage to lead her country during the time of a great, seemingly repeating war, to follow just like how her father had brought the country true to their ideals of being a neutral state despite being cornered by both the Earth Alliance and ZAFT to take sides to the war, otherwise be assumed an enemy and be annhilated. The song captures her anxiety and courage, and also her desire to know how it feels to love again, when times are peaceful. Beautiful song, nothing less.

Now what the heck am I doing, analysing anime songs when I'm supposed to either work on my layout or get my required sleep -_-"

Tobira no Mukou e

2006-10-30T02:05:00.000+08:00

Tobira no Mukou e.

There's a funny story to me behind this song. You know, everytime I watch a new anime, I'd go download all its op/ed mp3s asap. Tobira no Mukou e is the 2nd ending song for the anime Fullmetal Alchemist (FMA). I take time to remember the tunes of new songs, of course. One time, in the studio, during lecture, I happened to hear someone's music player playing a familiar song. I figured it was coming from Oniichan's iPod (my then-Calvin-oniichan). So I asked him (whom, if I remember correcly, happened to be sitting next to me in the lecture room) what song it was. He refused to answer (I dunno, most probably 'cos its lecture and I spoke softly, and he couldn't hear), and it took me a few minutes to realise the title and how I'd known this song.

I was so happy that I knew a song from my Oniichan's iPod song collection. So happy we had something in common. That I had that same song at home in my computer too, and I knew FMA too. When I got home that day, I happened to have had to do lots of work on the computer, so I stayed up on MSN and at the same time, played this song on loop. Probably played on for nearly a hundred times. Tobira no Mukou e. At first, I was just enjoying the beat and tune, and meaning of the song. Sub-consciously, after way too many times repeating itself, the song hit me as a sign. I suddenly felt shy to listen to it. Like, Oniichan has this song too, he likes this song too. And now I like it as well. For some reason, it suddenly struck me: I like him. I think I'd known that I kinda liked him before that incident, but that fateful night/early morning while I was busy on my comp doing my work, looping the song over and over again, that's when for the 1st time, I consciously realised I had feelings for my Oniichan.

So goes the story. And at the moment, I happen to (again) be playing Tobira no Mukou e on loop. Now, everytime I repeat this song on my player, I'm reminded of Calvin. Who now I can't really call "oniichan" ("big brother") anymore, but "anata" ("dear").

Haha.

Anyways, last Friday was my mother's birthday, and the following day was my father's. They're now 50 and 52 years old respectively. But these 2 days passed by without much event, though. Its sad. Hari Raya takes precedence over our family heads' birthday celebrations. I didn't even get them any gifts. I don't think my sisters did either. Well, at least I reminded and wished them Happy Birthday. Shows I haven't forgotten, even if we don't celebrate it.

And the last Wednesday, was Jerusha's birthday. Met up with her and Raidah at the airport for a little of a celebration. Same thing, I didn't get a gift. But I sang her a birthday song in public. In that echo-ey Terminal 2 Arrival Hall. Hope you didn't mind the meagre celebration, Jer.

And the day before that; 1st day of Hari Raya. The usual Raya visiting, the only good difference was than Min-chan (my niece) is now coming to 2 years old, and not afraid of strangers anymore. She cute, especially when we take pictures of her. Whenever she hears the snap of the camera, or sees the flash, she'd just start laughing. Photogenic too, that kid. My sister's daughter has started showing signs of being just like her mother in character, haha.

all because she wants me to blog. haha

2006-10-15T22:14:00.000+08:00

All because she wants me to blog, so I am.

Haha. 1st proclamation: I HATE Tagboard. I'm switching to c-box. Tagboard's been screwing up and no its totally done for. Everyone who's using tag-board.com should change over to some other tag server now.
NOW.

Tomorrow's a Monday. And my family will be going out to Geylang to shop for my sister's and my 2ns set of baju kurung / kebaya for Hari Raya. BUT before that, tonight at 2340hrs, I shall be at Harbourfront to help my dad to carry the stuffs he bought at Batam. What ridiculousity. I've school at 8am tomorrow and I just HAVE to do this. Sigh~

Next proclamation: I can't wait for next Tuesday! Not only because its Hari Raya, but it also means I can invite my friends over, go visiting to my friends' houses, wear my kebaya or baju kurung, eat freely, and best of all...don't have to feel the tension when I come home late for breaking fast with the rest of the family! Haha.

And yay! WoanNi is gonna come over to Sp this Wednesday! So this means: Monday go geylang with family, Tuesday go out with Cal, Wednesday bring WN around school, Thursday go out again, Friday...maybe I'll break fast with my classmates or ex-classmates? Saturday and Sunday do house clean-up, Monday school as per normal (break fast at home, definitely), and Tuesday Hari Raya! YAYYYY!!

Oh ya, I've just finished reading 'Harsh Cry of the Heron', the sequel to the otori Trilogy. Man...its such a good book. Its good 'cos it doesn't end how you expect it to. Not even how you knew it wouldn't. It really caught me off guard. Kaede betrayed her beloved husband. GAH!! How could she?!

Other than the book, I've also been working on the teddy bear that I intend to complete as soon as possible, and give it to Calvin as a good luck gift for his competition trip to the land of Nippon. That's on the 9th of November, and currently I'm 70% done with the bear's head. The other parts of the bear hasn't been cut out from the fur pile yet. I'm quite proud that so far nothing looks too retarded. Haha. I hope he'll really like it.

Okay, okay, I gotta go get ready to fetch my dad at Harbourfront now. Jya-ne!

Crying and loving.

2006-10-07T15:13:00.000+08:00

Ahh...so I haven't blogged for a week.

At the moment, there're only 2 things I can think of.
1: Like my new blogskin?
2: I'm longing for my dearest Calvin-kun.

The past few days...I went out a lot, I cried a lot, I loved a lot. I kept going out to so many places, leaving no time for my Primer. But at least I did my dumb wind analysis thingy. I don't even understand what we're supposed to do for ENSP (I didn't go for the lecture this week; came to school very late).

I cried a lot, yes. Calvin would know. I cried 'cos I couldn't take the teasing,
'cos I couldn't understand myself,
'cos I hated my self-inflicted problems,
'cos he got hurt,
'cos I hated myself for hurting someone I love so dearly,
'cos I realised I'm dumb enough to think that I'm always alone,
'cos I never realised he's always been there,
'cos I took treasured things for granted,
'cos I feared so much about losing the love,
'cos he just *had* to be the one to come to me,
'cos I'm such an idiot,
'cos I really, really love him.

I loved a lot. Really. I loved my friends an extra notch, for being so fun, for being there for me, for being understanding, for being my friends. I loved the festive feel at Geylang. I loved my new baju kurung. Loved myself for befriending Patience. I loved and still am loving him :)

When I woke up this morning, my heart didn't feel as bad as that last time...when it just felt as if someone had tried to puncture my dough-like heart with a base column of a 90-storey building with the force of a board-piling machine (you know, that tall machine they use to punch into the ground to make space for the building's columns?). Yeah. It hurt so much in the middle of the 'night' (5am, somewhere around that time), I woke up *all* because, and felt utterly aghast that it wasn't some physical pain (like my middle-of-the-night leg cramps) or nightmare shock that caused me to suddenly be stark-fresh in the midst of a good sleep, but just, and simply, a deep, painful longing in my heart. And I was in pain even more so when I realised it was way too early to call him *just* to hear his voice *just* to ease my pain (All the better. It would be highly inconsiderate, and he happened to be charging his phone outside so he can't hear it, anyway.) So all I could do was to SMS. But how much help could that be?? I didn't really continue sleeping after that.

The module of my life: ISBT. Oh yes, yesterday I went out with Calvin and his bestfriend Jeremy. I was talking about ISBT. I dunno how my "...boating test and practical..." turned out to be heard as "boating testicle". And, this one I've calculated the possibility of mis-hearing: "Introduction to Seamanship and Boating Theory/Prac" = "Introduction to Semen-ship and Boating Prac". I KNEW IT. Dirty minds don't escape my line of thought (Actually, that only serves to show how I myself am not-so-innocent, afterall =P) It kinda disgusts me to think that *I* think of such things during the fasting month, yet why is it that it seems so neutral to talk of such things?
I NEED TO BE PURIFIED!! Haha.

By the way, this morning, the radio played a Hari Raya song for the 1st time this Ramadhan! :)

PPCDL!!!

2006-09-30T20:15:00.000+08:00

OH MY GAH!!! (Yes, I got influenced by Alia~)

Guess what? My Elective Module, i.e. Introduction to Seamanship and Boating Theory (I call it ISBT for short), its like...lemme explain. Passing for this module is equivilant to passing the theory test for a Powered Pleasure Craft Driving Licence (PPCDL) Certificate. And, as an SP student who has passed this particular module, I'll only have to pay $140 to attend a 1-day practical course and test. If I get through this as well, I get a PPCDL Cert!

And, attend 2 more (1 theory and 1 practical) exams held by SMA, and I'll get a PPCD Licence for LIFE!! WHEE!!!

I didn't know my fleeting dream of being able to drive a Pleasure Craft just like my dad would actually be coming true in half a year's time! Looks like the anxious wait, frustration, and patience with the SAS server to get into this module pays off *really* well, heehee ^^

Well well, the 1st lesson of ISBT, it actually really was exciting, but thanks to the aircon, the stuffy afternoon, the fasting month, the dim room where the lecture was held, I fell asleep for 20 minutes. Missed out on some important Nautical terms though. Haha. Was so tired~

The 1st lesson of Critical Reasoning Skills (CRS), however, was a cute experience. We got introduced to a new lecturer, and got pulled to the library to be taught on how to do research using the ELISER (SP's library database server). Haha.

Oh yes, yesterday...I met up with Jerusha and Raidah!! Its the 1st time we both saw Raidah in her Innova JC uniform. We met up in the evening at Orchard to break fast together. Its been such a long time since the 3 of us got together; I almost forgot how easily I could just fit in and be myself totally with the 2 of them. And laugh like nobody's business over Raidah's naturally humourous manner-of-speech. Haha. Had an extremely great time with them. Hopefully we will meet up again soon! :)

Primer 4...the site, I still think, is so disgusting; it puts me off to do anything about it. So put pff I don't wanna do my part of the work for Site Analysis. Its so disgusting!! SP Staff Ctr is such a DISGUSTING place!! EWWW!!

Meanwhile, I'm getting very pissed off with my life at home. Oh well, what's new anyway~

Its so cold...

2006-09-26T16:36:00.000+08:00

What's up with my workspaces being so super cold?!! Even my new workspace is freezing up my arteries.

Primer 4 has begun, and for the 1st quarter, I've grouped myself with WaiMeng, Calvin, Fadilah and Iman. Just for the analysis, then we're splitting to individual work for the rest of the project. I really don't like the new site that we're given; the SP Staff Centre is so disgustingly ugly. Urgh~

Anyways, good news being a cheerful effect to sad times, I managed to get into Introduction to Seamanship and Boating Theory afterall. The 1st class of the module will be tomorrow; I can't wait!

I went to see Calvin's Sport Chanbara training again yesterday. Before that, I remember getting kinda you-can-call-it reprimanded. And, anyways, yesterday was the 2nd day of Ramadhan, and the 1st time this month that I chose to break fast outside, and also the 2nd time I left my spectacles behind. This time its at the payphones at Dover Stn. Darn forgetful me.

Okie, Aishah's hands are really too cold to type properly; gonna go off now. Studio's already quite empty anyway. Jya~

I really wanna blog... but about what?

2006-09-20T08:26:00.000+08:00

Hmm...its only been 3 days since my last post, but the past 2 days have been really eventful for me. Its strange how much I've discovered about myself in just these 2 fateful days, and in so many ways.

Anyways, I'm still listening intently to Towa no Hana, Ai Yori Aoshi's opening song.

Its only a few days more to go before school reopens. And the fasting month too. And exactly a week to go to sit for my very 1st lecture of my General Elective Module; I got in for Introduction to Astro-Navigation. No fair. My Main Registration slot was the 3rd slot on the 2nd day, and my 1st choice got snapped up, fully booked. But I'm still hoping during the Open Registrantion someone would bow out of my Intro to Seamanship and Boating Theory module so I could take his/her place. I really want that module. Anyhow if I can't get in for my 1st choice then my 2nd isn't so bad afterall; I've always liked and wanted to study the stars anyway :)

Oooh I forget, Primer 4 is comng up! And, DLA Yr 1 has a new lecturer for PLT (Plant and Landscape Technology) module starting Sem 2! I wonder how this new lec will be like...

My sis is gonna skip school today. Said she's not ready for her Stats lecture today (haven't got her notes and ppt slides ready). I never skip school just because I'm not ready for class. 'Cos anyway, I just browse through the ppt online before attending the lecture; no note-taking or anything.

Oh, now that I've only just stretched my leg to put in on the comp desk, I'm reminded: I've a new computer desk! Together with a new TV/DVD player-recorder/VCD player/amplifier cabinet. And my parents got a new wardrobe too, 2-in-1 type. My sis's and my own wardrobes aren't getting changed though :'( haha. 'zokays. Mine is still functionable anyway.

I can't wait if there's gonna be a trip to Yong Peng(, M'sia) again! Travelling is always fun and welcome and appreciated and sought-after by us DLA kids :D

I realise (while typing this post) I've been very influenced by Calvin's way of speech. Almost typed it like how he would say it, then (in my head, it goes like) "NO way, Aishah! Keep your style! KEEP your personality!! Don't get drifted by him or you won't be special anymore!!" Haha.

I'm not an optimist, neither am I a pessimistic person. I'm just, simply, realistic. I guess that explains why I no longer get too shocked at whatever that happens in my life, to me or to anyone I know. Kinda makes me an expressionless kid, but I've figured its better than getting too hurt should the situation turn for the worse, 'cos I've got it all expected anyway. At this age, what do you date for? To have fun? For the experience? Just to show off that you've someone? To learn? To release lust? To make someone happy? To 'see how things go'? Or are you so *sure* its the ultimate reason there's this thing called "dating" in the first place: To find someone suitable to spend the rest of your life blissfully married to? I'm being a realist; there's no avoiding certain things unless by strong will and true pure love you can turn things around. Maybe its because I'm afraid to get hurt? Could it be, being a realist just as an excuse not to be too hurt if the time comes? Maybe, maybe not. It is afterall, difficult to enjoy life when you're being a realist, 'cos you'll always be aware of the possibilities of the outcome of whatever the situation. So, like Nicole said, "When it happens, it happens."

Now why is my comp screen showing lines when there're no incoming calls or messages into my phone??

Anyways, yesterday while reviewing my life for a bit, I figured out how I got to where I am now, what I am now. For a 17-yr-old (to-be), I guess I'm quite 'uneventful', if I were to be compared to my clique classmates of 4e9 '05 TKGS. But in comparison to my cool-although-almost-stoic classmates (I consider myself to be in that category too =P), I suppose I'm quite off-the-norm. Not that it matters. Knowing your achievements and failures always mkaes you think of these kinda stuff, doesn't it?

But I'll always be glad for the experiences I've got with me. They mould me, and I'm not about to regret having made myself the way I am :)

Towa no Hana; Flower of Eternity

2006-09-17T15:53:00.000+08:00

It was rare, but yeah I watched Ai Yori Aoshi yesterday. And...today I'm stark obsessed listening to its opening song, Towa no Hana.

Here's the translated version of Towa no Hana (Ai Yori Aoshi op) [taken from Animelyrics.com]:

The seasons move on, leaving
The scent of the flowers blooming pale
The rain has stopped too, clouds in the sky
Are blown gently by the blue breeze

Both today and tomorrow
Alongside the times we walk
Our trembling thoughts will be there
Unchanging

Forever Forever
It blooms but never dies
The pounding of my heart never ceases
More than anyone, More than anyone
I gaze at you
With this feeling that never ends

That day, when we met
How many times in the world
has a miracle like this happened?
Whom shall I thank?

Ah, I know your future
will be perfect for me
There will be nights when I can't say it
Although I may cry

Forever Forever
It may pass, but it will not fade
In the wind, under the sky, I wait
If I believe If I believe
Then your smile

Forever Forever
It blooms but never dies
The pounding of my heart never ceases
More than anyone, More than anyone
I gaze at you
With this never ending feeling

And the tune! Oh so sweet! Its not kind of diabetic-sweet, but sweet-romance kind of sweet. Know what I mean? The lyrics are incredibly...sweet. Goodness me. I really just don't know what other word there could be to describe this song.

Ah, today..just now, actually...my sis told me to carry the huge box of rags and place it on top of my wardrobe, where it was from originally. So I lifted that thing, stood on the edge of my bed (my bed is less than 50cm away from my wardrobe), and tried lifting it higher, high enough for me to push it over the top of that 7-yr-old wardrobe of mine. BUT, I haven't consumed a single thing since Friday evening. I simply had no energy. No matter how hard I try to push it higher, I just couldn't reach. Which is ridiculous. I was the one to bring down that same box from that same place last week. Initially I started laughing at myself; like, "This is incredulous. I don't have enough stored energy left to even just lift this thing?"

Then I just kept on trying. But I just couldn't reach it. Still laughing, I told my sis, "I just can't do it..". She laughed and kept telling me that I could reach it. But I couldn't. While (unendlessly still)laughing, I just suddenly broke down. As if my brain and heart and soul all told me I'm just too weak, and all 3 can't accept that fact. I just let go of the box from where I was standing (on my bed), dropped my body onto my bed and just cried into my mattress, even then still, still laughing.

Something in me just snapped at that point when after I said that I couldn't do it. I just stopped trying, although still laughing, I simply broke down. Why is it that simple things like this can make me cry? I kept on laughing at myself, thinking its ridiculous that I could be that weak, and I cried, knowing that I *am* indeed that weak, but I can't accept it.

Its just so...confusing.

Technorati desuka?

2006-09-14T16:06:00.000+08:00

O.o I've just found this cool thingy about this cool webbie thingy called Technorati-or-something-like-that thingy. Got to know about it from the blog thingy of the maker of this blogskin thingy =3

Technorati Profile

atashi no results wa DOKO DAYO??!!

2006-09-14T09:00:00.000+08:00

Now, hither in my mind, lies the ultimate questionnaire of a single thought..

Where. is. my. semestral. results.

I've been waiting since yesterday afternoon at 1300hrs, the time they (mySAS) informed us that Sch of BE courses' results will be released. But, nothing. Then I realised (actually, my tomodachi, Nicole, pointed it out to me) that for "all other courses" (I didn't know DLA was an outcast course) the results will be out today at 0830hrs. So I woke up at 0820hrs, got to the computer, switched it on, be patient with the incessant modem disconnection...to no avail. My most-awaited-for Semester 1 results are still not out yet.

So, again...Where. the. F*ck. Is. My. Semestral. Results???!!

I am so annoyed. So annoyed, I could just storm to school, T3A41, and demand the release of my class's results from the School of Built Environment Office. But I shall be patient and restraint myself. Wait till tonight. Or maybe, by good chance, till the 19th this month. If latest, by 19th September 2006, I catch not even a whiff of my results, I really will go to the Office to demand for it.

Ok. Chill. I musn't be mad. Today's supposed to be a happy day...I'll finally get to see (not to mention talk, hold, hug, gaze, etc.) Calvin-kun again, after so long. HahAhaHaha~ Deprivation *can* make me light-headed, after all =3

Its only 0918hrs as I'm typing now. Oh yes, I forget, I'm not gonna change my blogskin/template this month. You'll see a new one by the beginning of October, though. Hopefully. Haha. We'll see if I'm too busy.

I just realised my birthday this year will possibly fall on the last week of Primer 4 project, just before the Crit Session. Go figure. No celebration la, lyk dat...
Nvm. As long as I can celebrate others' birthdays and make them happy, I'll be happy too! ^^ And, oh, I've actually decided to take Introduction to Seamanship and Boating Theory as my GEM for next semester, but my mother might not allow it...I don't see any reason why she shouldn't let me, though. If there's anything I'm unclear about, I could always just ask my dad; he's been a sea captain for ages, I tell ya. And it'll be fun and informative anyway. So why not? ^^

Ai am hungry. Very. Wokies lets go check if there's anything for me to devour..

i'm hurting all over~

2006-09-10T17:09:00.000+08:00

AHHH!!! My shoulders are ACHING as if MADNESS rules my MUSCLES or something!! I don't even know the CAUSE of the ache! And its only on the right shoulder..god, I ABHORE uneven treatment!!

Then I've BLISTERS! BLISTERS on BOTH my FEET!! Thanks to wearing my eldest sister's heels...(I'd thought I lost mine, but later got to know my beloved, cream, comfortable and non-blister-causing pair of U.R.S. & inc. high heels are accidentally left behind at my eldest sister's house from the last time I stayed over...which wasn't too long ago...) Stupid, (one of the few) poorly-designed, Charles and Keith heels. I say "one of the few" 'cos I'm actually quite a fan of that brand, only that CERTAIN designs aren't too feet-friendly.

And generally, MY LEGS!! BOTH legs are aching MADLY!! 'Cos I was wearing my second sister's ladies' sandals...the straps CUT into my SKIN and FORCED me to put all my weight to my HEELS which also meant stressing my LOWER LEG muscles...

Sigh~

And the last thing that's ACHING like its trying to make me DIE or something...is my heart muscle. Calvin's gone for an almost-week-long overnight camp at school, and I'll only get to see him on Thursday. That's why sometimes I hate to live it up too much, 'cos when its suddenly taken away from you, you'll miss it more than if you hadn't done it at all. My heart is aching, like, anytime, I'll expect it to start breaking~

So anyways, it was DAMN fun to attend the 2 PDPs (Personal Devt Prog); Social Ettiquette and Personal Skincare. Social Ettiquette class was great; I FINALLY got to learn the basics of social introduction, something I've never been clear about. And made new friends too! Expanded my social circle. T'was SO fun. AND, the Personal Skincare class, I couldn't be better elated than knowing that it'll be held by Shiseido! I mean, SHISEIDO, the skincare brand that my mum has been using for DECADES. And the doorgift was just AWESOME...a whole miniature set of facial routine products...and even a $10 Shiseido voucher!!

And by the way I met up with an ol' pal from sec sch, Woan Ni! My choir pal, my distress detector. Haha. That day was fun: I spent some time with Calvin, sent him off for job interview, went for short window shopping, fetched him from interview, met up with WN, sent her for job interview (2 diff places hor), went off for short browsing at Bras Basah, fetched her from interview, went for lunch together, went to Sunshine Plaza (oh my beloved anime and manga paradise!)(also dropped my a piano shop to play around with keys), went to Akihabara shop at Bugis Junc., sent WN off at MRT, sent Calvin off at his aunt's house's doorstep, explored a deserted way of getting back to Redhill MRT, got home!

I never get lost, only explore~ haha. (NO, I am NOT in DENIAL..)

So anyways, thinking of going to school library to borrow books tomorrow. Maybe can catch a glimpse of some of my friends there, for all you know :)

2 weeks desu ka?

2006-09-04T15:58:00.000+08:00

It has been a long 2 weeks...moved to my eldest sister's place, took 2 modules' tests, went to Bintan with the noobs of Dept of Architecture of SP (i.e. the 1st years of DLA, DARCH and DID), celebrated Teachers' Day at TKPS, interspaced with many little meet-ups with Calvin, haha.

I'm way too tired and lazy to elaborate on just about anything. My arms have been carrying a 5-litre tin of paint each day, yesterday and today, and my legs carried my body (together with the paint tin) for almost 500 metres on both occasions. My legs are kinda used to being not-so-well treated, but my arms are finally getting a good workout. Especially since at Bintan Lagoon Resort I insisted on going swimming, so my limbs feel well-used. Even today I had to shift *every single thing* from my HUGE bookshelf out into the room.

Oh by the way my room's lilac in colour now. Got painted yesterday. Whee~

My dad is busy painting...I'm just busy shifting everything off the walls. Haha.

Tomorrow I shall be going to Sentosa!!! Its been a very very very long time sice I last went there for holiday...its been a couple of years, when my sis had yet to be married to my bro-in-law..which means at least 5 years ago. Yup. Last holiday trip there was at least 5 years ago. And hopefully tomorrow will be well-spent and eventful, for my memories to be nice and pretty~

WTH am I talking about. I dunno. GAH..

I miss Alia. Haha. She's rubbed off some influence on me. Nice kid...I just can't picture her as a few days younger than me (we're both December people!!); with that wit, she simply seems way more mature than I am. Haha.

Okie dokie. Papa needs me to move furnitures again. He's done with the living room and needs to paint the walls of the hall now...that is where I'm sitting, typing...

See ya guys~ Have fun for the hols. As for the JC kids, mug hard. Promos seem like a difficult but fun kind of exams to me! =3

The hurt, the pain...

2006-08-20T13:29:00.000+08:00

It hurts when I'm not with you.
It hurts when I see you cough or sneeze; when you're unwell.
It hurts when I see your injuries; when you're physically hurt.
It hurts when you forget something I've tried so hard to drill into your head.
It hurts when I find out you've sacrificed something just for my sake.
It hurts so much..

The memories that you leave me with, while we're apart from each other. So vivid...
The feelings that you leave me with...so strong..yet I cannot relive it when you're not here...

Call me mushy; I'm just being emotional for a bit. I'm still HUMAN you know...you can't expect me to be neutral to everything around me, do you? Especially when I'm in the peak of adolesence, in the heat of life yet learning to understand...understand myself and others; my feelings and thoughts especially.

Hmm..I'll be moving out of my house for a week while the toilets and windows are being renovated and changed. Will be in Woodlands at my sister's during this period. But I'll most probably be out this whole week; any cool plans open for invitation just gimme a call! ^^

I've so much to blog about, actually...but I guess some things are better off written down in a private diary than typed out and poted on a public blog. So Ai shall be lazy, haha. No revealing of secrets on asagawa-xanax!

Thinking about school life...I've been wondering how my friends take to school life. I'm certain different people take it differently. Like Joshua; my god he literally self-exterminated himself from school! But, like Michele, so serious, 'cos she keeps in mind that school will mean the future. Or Ryann..."see how, everything..if ok I might stay if not I think I not coming back next semester ah..." Or like me, struggling to pull it off, but always end up realising that I've never put in my full effort when I should've.

GAH...Its a sunny day...

Oh wells, I'm being nagged at again by my sis for blogging. Sigh~
Oh ya, the new blog design and template; hope you like it! :)

At the end of all things...

2006-08-16T18:43:00.000+08:00

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand...there is no going back.
There are some things that time can not mend. Some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold."

Now, getting all emotional, at the end of 'all things'...school's literally ended, holidays begun. Except that there're 2 tests next week. But otherwise...ALL'S DONE AND OVER WITH. Not exactly. Its *only* the end of Semester 1, the end of Primer 3. YES, the END OF PRIMER 3. The model, the journal, the presentation boards, *and* the presentation itself.

But hey, now that its done and over with (actually not. We've still got the exhibition to ready for ^^) I feel LOST!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!! Like, *suddenly*...my life has a vacuum...an empty space...and I have not the slightest idea how to fill up that empty space.

OH *by the way*..haha...I'm at Alia's house now, sitting next to her sis, who may be considered my new acquaintance! Whee! Haha. Landed here after the 2nd day of Primer 3 'critique session'. Seriously, EVERYONE is upset with today's crit. It was a silent crit for all 3 groups who were supposed to present today. I don't wanna go into the details; it still hurts. Glad Calvin didn't let his fists do the talking...bloodshed was well avoided. Mdm Zainon's blood, by the way.

SO...hoohaa...lemme see...the only action plan I have for my empty days is to draw 10 plants a day, starting from today, for my plant journal for PLT modul's submission. And maybe to study for PLT and ENSP tests. AND to clear up my house; its gonna be bombarded with Teambuild's contractors to be...upgraded under the MUP scheme. They're changing my windows and do god-knows-what to my toilets. And meanwhile, I shall stay over at my eldest sis's house...get to see Min-chan everyday for almost a week!!

Draw 10 plants a day huh...gotta start today. Anywaysd I hope I can meet up with someone, anyone, to go out tomorrow. No way am I gonna have no life.

I miss my 2 toils-and-troubles months with designo'R...

I miss Calvin...

I realise I miss the airport...

And I miss Calvin...

I miss working on my personal research and projects...

I miss Calvin too...

I miss my TKG choir...

I miss dear Calvin...
And did I say I miss Calvin so so much?

Yeah. See if I can fulfil my desires these holidays. By that, I mean covering for whatever I've been missing on these past 2 months.

Oh wells. Watch lotsa anime, and Jap movies, that I know. Meet up my ol' pals and teachers. And...I dunno what else. Bah.

Shrubs and Brushes

2006-08-08T22:48:00.000+08:00

First Xu Meng unknowingly called the paintbrush "shrub". How apt, we were making the model for our proposed site design; there're trees, ferns, shrubs, groundcovers. But it was her mistake la...her English not so good yet, but at least better than when I first knew her at the start of the semester.
Xu Meng: "Can you pass me the shrub?"
(Vivian and I turned around to see what she was pointing at. As far as the 2 of us knew, we hadn't even started on maing the shrubs for our model.)
Vivian and I: *blur-faced*
Xu Meng: "The shrub, pass me the shrub."
Vivian and I: *stare at her, then turn around to see what she was pointing at again*
(and all the both of us could see, sitting alone on my desk behind us, a paintbrush)
Vivian: "Uh..."
Me: *grab the paintbrush and passed it to Xu Meng* (restraining my laughter outburst)
Xu Meng: *stares at me while receiving the brush*
(apparently she didn't get a single thing about what she had just said)
Me: "Brush."
All: "..."
Me: "Its "brush", not "shrub"..."
*mwahahahaha*

Some time after Xu Meng turned "brush" into "shrub", I turned "paintbrush" into "toothbrush". Haha. What only. Maybe its my obsession lately about brushing my teeth only immediately before going to sleep. Go figure.
Me: "Xu Meng can you pass me your toothbrush?"
Xu Meng: *bewildered face* "TOOTHBRUSH??!!"

That was my highlight of the day, other than re-sorting my handphone image gallery, getting Gabriel Seah's number (yeah I'm in his fanclub. Bwahahaha!), pasting cute little moss onto the model as the shrub. Yes, shrub, not brush.

Shall I paste more brushes onto my model tomorrow? I ought to buy more shrubs for model painting...I'll grab my paintbrush from my mum's toilet before I go to sleep XD

Appreciation~

2006-07-30T22:48:00.000+08:00

Though confundling, its heart-rending to know that there are people who honestly care about those who care about them. Its not always a bad world out there, protagonists just need to be realised, that's all. We don't have to keep on complaining and effing everything in our lives, just because we're humans, just because we're teenagers. Sometimes..really..just stop thinking about yourself, put your soul into someone else's mind...you'll see that your life isn't too bad at all.

I'm learning to appreciate the things around me better, appreciate my life, appreciate the people I know, appreciate what I'm able to do, and also what I can't do. Not everything has to go your way, but surely there are reasons for it. Even if, given an example, you don't understand why your boyfriend leaves you for a whore who's not even pretty, and low intellect as compared to you. Maybe, for all you know, its for the better; maybe really, he doesn't deserve you at all. So why ponder, why bother, why get upset? Everything has its reasons. Its just that its not blatant all the time.

So..I wonder how everyone is doing? Primarily, my group members in designo'R, wonder if they're coping fine with Primer. And my group of good and close friends, hope they're all doing well with their lives and (if applicable) Primer as well ^^. My olde pals from sec sch, if they're having a hard time in JC or Poly...my pri sch mates, I don't even know where some of them have landed up in.

Its not always about me. Yep, I recognise that. The world doesn't revolve around me. I'm just one in the billions in the world. Who the hell am I to think I rule?? Haha.

:) It really feels good when you get something in return for what you do. And I know it feels irritating when you don't. But I realise...actually you always do get something in return. Onlt that its not in material, or its not the desired effect. But you always get something in return. Its the rule of equivilant trade.

Okay, tomorrow is Monday, back to school, back to Primer, back to life. Haah..this weekend has really been a weekend. Watch anime, sleep as required, stay up to watch the coolest shows, work on my personal projects that I've stalled for quite some time, solve problems...its been well-spent, I must say. Glad I managed to escape doing housework too! ^^

Haha. The weekend ends here. Gotta gear up for reality, baby! I've done my OC well, gotta do the same for CD (CIP) and everything else! Won't hurt to see pretty grades on my results slip, ne? ^^

Ganbate-masu, minna-san!

OM effing shit.

2006-07-28T05:50:00.000+08:00

Okay..this is crazy, I just signed off the lst post a few minutes ago but this is important enough for me to write again.

Oh my effing shit. I can't believe I took TWO WEEKS to realise it. And I thought I always knew. What shit is that? I never did, and I never do! Who am I to overestimate myself, huh? I hate this..I hate myself for this...yes I recognise its my fault, I do wish to take responsibility...but tell me, what DO you want me to do? Change? Okay...I'll do my best..but its not me to be what I haven't been. Don't you understand? Its like I tell you to stop treating me the way you're treating me. Its the bloody same difference.

I'm not blaming you at all, I'm not mad at you, but this..I can't believe I didn't notice this earlier, and that very fact has, well, made me damn pissed off with my very own stupid dumb-ass self. What in the world can I do? In repayment of this stupidity on my part?

I've been trying to understand...but I guess I never will. I don't know if you will. Maybe. No matter how much I always argue that you are what I was, maybe, that backfires. If you are what I was, it means you're more open to things, more down-to-earth logical thinking...much more mature than what I am now. I'm sorry, I'm truly very sorry. I would have you spit at me the commandments you have in mind so that I could recover...but I highly doubt you would.

I feel like shit.

Please...could you give me the antidote to this self-destructive poison? I am literally begging you...
And do understand, I'll never have enough guts to say this to you with my own mouth. I'm so ashamed at myself. What shit...so please, really, if you read this...
I'm crying out of fear, my dearest friend.

***

Satisfaction! ^^

2006-07-28T05:27:00.000+08:00

Wow...its now 0522hrs. I've only just completed doing the powerpoint slides for my Oral Communications module. Did I mention, I'm presenting about the Japanese kimono? I am absolutely *very* highly satisfied with the powerpoint slides I've done. Maybe they're the best I've ever done in my whole life. Its so professional...well, to me, at least. I believe I've done justice to the beautiful treasure of Japan. I don't mind having not slept at all just to do this. I switched on the comp to start work at like..what..10pm? So its been almost 8 hours. 8 undisrupted hours of work. Never thought I could be so committed. Well, maybe the same goes to everything you do that you have a passion in. Sacrifices mean nothing in exchange for satisfaction~

SO...I still gotta iron the yukata I'm using in my presentation, iron my formal wear...bathe...I've yet to rehearse and run through the speech with accordance to the slides. Looks like I'm gonna go miss this morning's group meet-up for Primer 3 with designo'R. I wanna give a superb presentation that matches the powerpoint slides that I've made. Again, sacrifices.

School matters aside...sometimes I wonder if I know what the heck I'm doing; why and how on earth did I get to where I am. Why haven't I any aims or goals? I see no reason, no basis to go on if I have not the slightest sense of direction.

Have I lost my mind.

Oh ya, yesterday I was an hour late for PLT module lecture, and the lecturer I think is pissed off at me. She's always been a nice lady, but I might've pushed the limits too far? I dunno. This is afterall her 1st time being a lecturer; before this, all she knew was her planting world (she's a professional horticulturalist). SO...saa ne. Maybe. I really ought to do something about my constant late-coming.

Ooo...I'll be going to Bintan for the Division of Architecture freshmen trip at the end of next month! Whee! I was also very elated to know that my upper sec class is planning to hold a class gathering, teachers incl. Hope it'll work out well, hope I can go too.

Ahh..I wonder if I'll be having panda-eyes when I'm presenting later. I didn't sleep! Oh well. Gtg. Iron.

EH??!

2006-07-25T23:45:00.000+08:00

I realise its been more than a week since I last blogged. Haha.

I also realise this is the 1st time I'm not changing the template for the month. Ahahaha.

I'm damn sleepy, tired, upset, dizzy. Confused. Elated. Defused. Excited.

Dammit. I hate myself for this. Hate it.

Aitai~

2006-07-15T21:34:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, weird lucky day. Bad things 1st, followed by good things. 1st I woke up late, yet to iron, yet to bathe, but had to print out all my research materials for OC presentation writing test. Rushed like crazy, but managed to complete printing all I required.

Was 45 mins late for OC, but managed to finish my test punctually. Wasn't chided for being late. Happy with what work I produced.

Thought I'd pissed Ryann off bad, but was later forgiven.

Thought I'd be starving the whole day, but managed to get some food via ez-link card.

Thought I'd never be able to photocopy my 4 pages for my personal project (I only had 20 cents but everywhere only accepted 10 cents per page), but 2 nice uncles at a certain photocopying shop offered to take whatever money I had even though it meant under-charging.

A whole day of twists. Made me appreciate my life better.

Today...went for the Triple Bill plays at Esplanade with Ryann and Raidah to watch Jerusha. Ended up, Maryam and Nadia and Elia were performing too! TKGians rule the stage! It was great, especially 'The Guys' staged by ACJC. 'No Easy Answers' by TJC shocked me; it was a parallel to my current life situation. SP's 'The Sandbox' was too short and in my personal opinion a litlle too shallow. Oh wells, enjoyed the whole thing anyways.

Aitai...I'm missing my anata so much~
He'll be back in 2 nights' time, no worries..he'll return...hopefully in one piece. His competition is tomorrow, so good luck ne? Ganbatte masu!

I've just uploaded more anime songs into my phone. Man...N70 is just way too superb. First its the camera and picture quality. Then its the mp3 and mp4 capability. The best part...the gallery organisation style is so sophisticated. Even Calvin's sensei commented on it. Cool to the core.

I think I'm gonna start posting *all* my personal poems into Bakatachi's Alcove (my Friendster literature blog) soon...that way I don't need to brag to people about my poetry-writing and then realise I don't have the proof with me XD They're all currently in my little Muji poems book. Soon, soon...Primer 3 comes 1st.

I pity Calvin sometimes...I've been pushing our relationship aside for work a little too much...we haven't gone out together for eons, and have yet to celebrate our 2nd 'monversary' (2nd month anniversary). I'll have to compensate for that once he returns. Aitai~

I want a furisode...and when I get married I want to be dressed in an uchikake...I want to own a vintage obi collection...sigh. My OC research has made me long for all these things that I can't possibly ever glance at, let alone grasp. Hopes after hopes...

Most importantly, right now in my mind; Come back soon, anata. I can't wait to see you again...

Aitai~

2006-07-13T11:25:00.000+08:00

Haha. Apparently I abandoned my blog. I've been wanting to blog la...but simply couldn't find time. So busy so busy; Primer 3 has been fun although taking up my time. I really enjoy working with my group mates. They're such great people in their own ways.

Last weekend was my KL trip with DLA. Almost the whole Dipl. in Landscape Arch. coursemates went for the trip, save only a handful. So you can imagine the fun, about 120 students from Yr 1-Yr 3 together. It was Kuala Lumpur because of the International Laman Landscape Exhibition. A study trip, yes, but full of side-tracks and loads of fun; it really was more of a simple weekend holiday get-away for DLA. So so many places to see, I mean, this was the 1st overseas trip I had in 4 years. So even though it was only Malaysia, I still indulged myself in holiday spirit. The hotel, OMG, they(the lecturers) weren't kidding when they said it would be a 5-star hotel. Seriously good. The Crown Princess hotel is the 1st to make me have a real relaxed and comfortable bath. And I shared my room with Hui Qi. I'd never thought I could be friends with her; my 1st impression of this classmate of mine was that she's downright *scary*. As in, she's fierce, has a strong personality, and what more do you need to deter from such a character. But she was nice :) Although I've to apologise to her for making her freaked out by the scary stuff I saw on the hotel room floor.

Ahh..of course many other things has happened since my last post. And how could I forget: my sister's graduation ceremony. I went for her graduation ceremony with her best friend as her 2 invited guests. Ms Annisa Noor received a Diploma *with Merit* in Building and Property Management, as well as the KPK Quantity Surveyors' Award. Ever so cool huh? She's really my role model. After the ceremony, she had lots of photo-taking interspersed between our reception (EAT!! The food was GREAT! heehee.) Had to walk a few hundred metres from the Convention Ctr after that to attend my tutorial for PLT(Plant and Landscape Technology) module though. But fun anyways~

Hmm...today Calvin will be flying off to Korea for his competition. One week. Sounds like my own trip there 4 years ago, also lasted a week, also for a competition. Well, hope he'll gain from his experience there; to me, competitions aren't really for you to display your prowess, but more so to learn from your fellow competitors. Have fun in the midst of the sweat and tears. Indulge in the moment. AND...recount it to me. Haha. I love recounts. Especially if I can relate to it somehow. Even if I can't I still would listen intently to recounts. Its a form of reliving the moments, instead of just taking pictures or bringing home souveneirs. (Which reminds me, I didn't bring home anything much of a souveneir from M'sia ^^;)

I intend to start on a personal project soon. You know, my standard once-in-a-while handicrafts stuffs. I'm kinda in the mood for it. At the same time its almost time to give someone a gift.

Oh ya, my feet used to be neutral to my pretty, white pair of high heel shoes. Or maybe even liked it. But now they seem to be saying "I hate you" everytime I put them on, even for just a few minutes. Sad...and, as I'm typing this post with only my left hand, I confirm that my ear infection is acting up again. Hurts badly. Oww~

And I'll miss you, darling.

July!

2006-07-03T22:55:00.000+08:00

Ahaha..my 1st post for the month of July 2006. An accomplishment to celebrate along with a new start of school term, (soon-to-be) new blogskin, and new resolutions, I've just finished reading 'The DaVinci Code' that I borrowed from Ryann-kun eons ago!! FINALLY!! :)

I had a fairly high fever this morning; good thing no one noticed anything at all...sometimes I really want to be rid of the attention that one receives when one is sick (this is coming from someone who is almost constantly ill)...fever died down by afternoon, so I guess I'm okay...

Model-making starts tomorrow...hope everything will turn out fine. I have faith in Michele's leadership, of course, provided that we as her group members support and follow her all the way. I refuse to believe that we'll be handing in nonsense as a final product. Not with the zest designo'R has ;)

Mmn...school's been fun so far. Yes, I say so again. But its a fact; look at things positively, and you'll enjoy it, otherwise you'll get a reverse effect. I really do enjoy being back on the rush of projects, even more so now that its group work, I've to be more selfless and share the load.

Damn I'm too sleepy and dead-beat now to type more...guess I gotta make this a substantially short post. Oh, and before I forget, just one last thing to add: Abstinence may seem to make you crave for more, but search deep, search well, abstinence is a form of lesson of appreciation for what you lack and once took for granted. My decisions took Calvin away from me, but it makes me realise even more so the purpose he has in my life, the purpose of being in this web in the first place, the reason I chose such a person as mine to look after. And realise that I haven't been treating him well enough. So sorry my dear, gotta work on that...see, I'm Aluminium and you're Oxygen; What do you get? (I have absolutely NO IDEA why I'm in a Chemistry mood today..haha)

Gotta go..getting cranky..too sleepy...

Weird tidings and timings..

2006-06-27T01:47:00.000+08:00

Ahh..I'm supposed to be sleeping now. No, I'm supposed to be sifting through my My Documents folder and back-up my files (my sis is sending my CPU to the doctor later today..)...eh..NO..I'm supposed to be doing my Primer 3 project now!!

Ahh..yes..Primer 3 has finally begun. I'm grouped with okay-okay people. All-girls team. Team name: designo'R
Task allocated to me: Human circulation around/at existing site; Best viewsheds of site.
Percentage completed: less than 50% (despite the time...no I refuse to say I'm sleepy..)
I realise there're some things I need to make clear about my scope of task 1st thing tomorrow. I'm a bit lost. A BIT only.

And...well..I may seem like I don't care, like I ignore, like I know nothing of the situation. But keep in mind, especially if you're close to me...I *always* know. And care. And be bothered about it. Ai can't possibly totally isolate you from Ai, Calvin. Ai will always be looking out for you. And Ai will always be there. (Oh. Haha. I seem to be enjoying playing the triple-pun on the word/name 'Ai'. Its fun and effective!)

Also...yesterday, it dawned on me...

The doors are still open. My brethren has come.

The light.

I see it.

And, I vow not to lose sight of it too easily ever again.

And, my brethren, don't cloud my aims just because I seem like I'm not making progress. Keep the doors open.

I wanna get there. And I hope you'll help me.
You're there, and I'll take advantage of that.
Don't close the doors on me. Never.

I haven't forgotten the taste of glory, when glory came pouring all over my overwhelmed soul, a long time ago. I yearn to have a taste of it again. It will be a long path, one that, despite the difficulties and darkness, I will still tread.

Just to get to that door.

And nothing shall stop me.

Okay. Cut that almost-incomprehensible thing..(but hey, I'm serious about it!)...ahh...well..I made a grave decision a few days ago. To spill something. I've even planned the date to do it. To the person. Whom I may hurt. Which is why I'm planning so carefully. So intricately. It may back-fire, yes, I always keep that a possibility..but as far as I can keep my control...the results will be devastating. Even my double entendre wouldn't believe I would be capable of such an act, with such an impact.

Oh yes..Ai am speaking in riddles...

Nyeeh...its so late, its early...I ought to go now...final note..:
Aishiteru yo, anata...Itsumo...Kitto.

Oyasumi na, minna-san!!

Too poetic...

2006-06-22T12:25:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I get too high on rhyming that I think I may start to make riddles out of my poems.

I've been a big fan of Wen Hui's blog, thanks to all the poems and interesting anecdotes of his life. Haha. I've yet to read every single one of his posts as I said I would. The path of his life always leave his blog readers curious to know more, and await his next post. Well, Ai here reads his blog whenever she reads her own. The truthful poems are way too much for a hard-core dilettante like me. ^o^

Anyways...my plan for today is to print out all the lecture notes (a.k.a. ppt slides) for all my modules. I can't stand technology at times..especially since it has cost me my perfect eyesight that I've maintained for 15 years. So I shan't read lecture notes off the comp; I read too much off the comp already. Enough to cost me another $100+ to make another pair of spectacles with a way-higher degree.

The holidays are gonna come to an end soon...well, I can say I've taken quite an advantage of it. Rest to the full, recharge, and be raring to start being studious once school reopens. Whee!!

I wonder what's up for Primer 3...Primer 1 and 2 have been, uh, haha, lousy. Could have done with a better management of accounts and time.

Yesterday on my way home I suddenly thought of the song "Too Serious Too Soon" by Gareth Gates while in the midst of thinking up the lines for a poem I'd wanted to SMS to Calvin. A poem which, after completing and sending it to him, I extracted the structure and made another one for one of my best friends, Ryann. Still, till now, I ponder over why there are actually people in my life who bother to bother about me. Ever so selfless. Sure, I can do that too, but why would anyone want to bother about insignificant and useless me? It's different from when I care for others; I've made it clear, I don't care for my friends, I love them.

Sigh..Ai am confused...

But Ai am happy! Happy to know that I'm getting back what I give. Unlike in the past. Maybe because I was fake in the past, so whatever I gave, I never received anything in return. Not that I ask for anything in return, its just that I'd like to know if my efforts have gone appreciated. Otherwise, not that I'll regret having been so kind, but I'll reproach myself as to why I'm so useless. And I hate reproaching 'cos I do that too often, and its tiring.

Thank you for being there, thank you for caring, thank you for everything. This goes out to everyone. To the special few, thank you for understanding me. For taking time off your own life to reshuffle and make better mine, even if you did it without intending to.

I realise I'm more emotional when I'm alone. Once I'm with people, my guard gets up, my wall shields all that I really feel. Do I hold back too much? Or am I just too self-conscious? But why so if I wallow deep into my feelings whenever I'm alone? Again, Aishah the paradox.
I think you may say I enjoy time being alone, yet at the same time I treasure time that I get to spend with the people around me. Truly..I'm a walking example of an irony...

I'm in the mood to dress up in a black/dark blue/gold kimono and hair be done up but falling, face pure white with deep red lipstick and dark purple/blue eye shadows. Haha. Don't ask me why. I just feel like being an exquisite geisha for a bit. :)

Ubin is calling out to me...

2006-06-16T23:51:00.000+08:00

While I was having a night shower just now, the shampoo foam was dripping all over the bathroom floor from my hair. And, just as I turned to take some shower gel...

I realised a bulk of the shampoo foam formed the rough shape of Pulau Ubin. (Including where the jetty is!!) IS IT AN OMEN? Is it calling out to me, to go cycling there soon???

I was a tat freaked out by that incident...

Anyways, I went clothes shopping today!! Finally! I bought 2 lightly-knitted tops from New Feel (a collection of Cold Wear), and 2 normal cotton-lycra tops from U2. Quite interesting..even after buying 4 pieces of clothing I still have 60% balance to buy MORE clothes!

I. am. so. tired. out.

I don't think its the shopping. I'm used to walking around a lot. I don't think its the helping out at TKG's choir practice earlier either. Neither do I lack rest; I've been sleeping for 12 hours for the past 2 nights. Then why am I so tired out now??

Oh yes, choir..
I missed them so much, just had to go drop by choir prac before collecting my official 'O' Level certificate from the General Office. They're going for a competiton in China next month, but the way I look at it..they're not ready. The Sec 3s, yes, they're obviously raring to go, giving quite a lot into the practice session, but it wasn't all that they've got. They weren't serious; they could've been, and should've been. Passion's there but effort's not 100% there...as for the Sec 1s ans 2s, ah..some of them have attitude problems. I dunno HOW they got into the competition group...some weak voice projection, some weak support...but they'll get better soon, I believe. Syafiqah's putting in a lot of effort into the choir; she ought to see the returns of her input.

I miss all my DLA classmates too! Such wonderful people shouldn't be far away from you for too long, 'cos they really help to keep the level of endorphines in you high. ^^,

Hmm...I miss a certain someone so much now, my heart could puncture by itself from the longing its been suffering...(uhh, Aishah, that's a bit..uh, overrated?...)

Haha. I'm kinda enjoying my holidays ^^

Ok, quit it with the ever-so-random thoughts. By the way, I've just updated my literature blog; finally wrote the last part to the 5-part series of my short story, Celestial Vengeance. Its kinda fanfiction...you may call it whatver you wanna call it, but it shall always be my Celestial Vengeance (keeping in mind the disclaimer that I do not own Ayashi no Ceres). Go read it, minna-san! You're most welcome to comment on it too!

Dumb Jerusha.

2006-06-14T16:39:00.001+08:00

This is passed on to me from Jerusha.

An Ideal Husband: -

Instructions: List 8 different qualities you look in a lover.

Please don't forget to mention gender seperately too.

Wanted : Male

1. Sincerity

2. Willing to give in (yes, sometimes I like being in control, haha)

3. At the same time, has his own stand (which means, not too submissive)

4. Sensible and not over-protective/possessive

5. Faithful

6. Understanding, respects my decisions

7. Responsible

8. Simply, knows his priorities (if you gotta work, you gotta work. Don't neglect your responsibilities just because of me.)

Next victims I want to pass this on to (idiot Jer why'd you have to do this to me..)(Aishah shall be fair and pass it to 2 guys and 2 girls ^^,)

1. Alia

2. Meli

3. Rahman

4. Calvin

Hentai is getting to me...

2006-06-12T00:04:00.000+08:00

Time passes by fast, and how easily I forget...

This month I ought to celebrate my 1st-year anniversary of having this blog! Whee! My first post on asagawa-xanax was on the 4th of June 2005. I remember, it was the June holidays, and I was so bored (refused to start revising for Block CAs too) that I made the decision to start a blog. Now, this blog is 1-year old! Happee burfdae, asagawa-xanax!

Heh. Felt like being corny.
Speaking of that...lately I've been intentionally acting immature. Instead of being the 17-yr old that I am, I purposely date back to my younger self, where I did things for fun without thinking of circumstances, when I took everything at face value. It was fun, though its a very bad attitude...but lately I've been wanting to revert back to my old ways, just for a while. Just to feel what it is like to be childish again, to be ignorant, to be almost absolutely naive. I guess I just miss the old days, haha.

I realise too that I actually like wearing traditional costumes. Last week, and this week too, I attended malay weddings, and had to wear the traditional malay costumes. I think they look really nice, somehow. I don't know what took me so long to realise that, though. And just now my eldest sister finally returned me my yukata! 1st thing I did was to try it on...honestly I missed it while it was 'away on a holiday' at my sister's house. I haven't forgotten how to wear it! A Japanese kimono would be a nice thing to own..but right now I'm aiming for a Korean hanbok. A simple, adults type, like the sort you see the junior palace maids wear in 'Jewel in the Palace' (a.k.a. 'Da Chang-Jin'). I actually do own one set of Korean hanbok, just that its too small for me to fit in already (when I bought it in Busan, Korea 4 years ago, it was already a bit small for me) and the design was really meant for kids, for parties at that. Bright pink, through and through. I want something more mature...

Yesterday, as I've mentioned in my previous post, my family went to the Esplanade to celebrate Fathers' Day and dine at 2Hot Halal Cafe. Shux, this time I chose something too spicy for me to even consume in peace without having to grab my cup of Berry Smoothie after every bite. My bad. I ate less than half my dish of 'Room 'n Chic' pasta and gave the rest to my sis. Best part of the dinner was...

While we were happily (or almost-tearfully) eating, a gangfight of nearly 20 people just suddenly broke out nearby, and the mob actually moved into the Esplanade building area, landing up about only 3 metres away from where I was sitting with my family. There was this Caucasian lady who got so freaked out she screamed for them to stop. I just sat were I was and looked over my shoulder to see the main point of the fight: 1 guy was left badly beaten. In fact, I did see him getting kicked and punched at in the abdomen, face and body. The fight was short, but the fact that there were so many people who witnessed the so-many-people gangfight, lots of people were left wandering around the area even after they dispersed (my dad included). My mother and 2nd sis were too traumatised by the sight of the bleeding kid to have anymore proper appetite. Soon after, the World Cup match (England vs Paraguay) started, and lots of people just headed toward the projector screen (somewhere in the midst of the cafes and restaurants) to watch. The heat of the gangfight died down. I too went to catch a few minutes of the soccer match with my dad, after finishing what I could with my dish.

Oh yeah, its weird to think what weird things you could think about at the most inappropriate times...haha

I think reading those hentai fanfictions rated M18 to R21 have finally gotten to me...wrong timing la...I decided to read such things again just when I've made the decision to be immature..totally wrong timing. My head's been filled with kinky stuffs these days. What the...I just hope it doesn't show when I'm not alone...haha

Take it easy. That's the way to go! ^^

End of e-Learning week!

2006-06-09T17:18:00.000+08:00

Its the end of e-Learning week; the official start of holidays!!

Although only 2 weeks it may be, its still the hols. We *have* to appreciate it. Its better than having school through and through, with no breaks, projects after projects. At least, be smart; you know its only 2 weeks - be an optimalist! Make the best out of the short period of time! Have fun, enjoy, take a break!

My schedule is not really set, but its obvious everyday is gonna be filled with at least one major activity. I'm glad I have a schedule book (^o^)

So, this also signals the time for a new blogskin! As it is, I change my blog template every month, and this time round I chose to drive back to anime style. That girl you see on the right may not be from any particular anime, but she's still an anime-ish looking person, ne? Why this skin: I asked 2 people to help be my judge, Alia and Jerusha. Out of the 3 I picked, both of them chose this same blogskin, so here it is now, being used on asagawa-xanax. Its also meant to be a tribute to my being in a relationship; I love you, Calvin ^^

Yesterday I *actually*, *finally* bumped into Jerusha in school! How lucky could I get? I'd planned to meet her but she'd never contacted me, but to think I had the great chance of bumping into my 'old' friend at FC3 after doing my e-Learning task for the day yesterday! After 4 whole months of not seeing my own best friend, can you imagine the joy? So I introduced her to Calvin and Fadilah who were having 'lunch' (it was more like 'very early dinner') with me. Jer, in turn, introduced me to 3 of her friends! I was just so happy to meet her ^^ (By the way, Jer, I liked whatever you were wearing. Its really nice!)

Yesterday too I *finally* bought my sister's birthday present! Appleseed soundtrack was still out of stock, and eventually I got for her a novel - 'Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence- After the Long Goodbye'. Its the prequel to the anime movie 'Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence' that my sister has watched before (but I haven't). I'm glad she really liked my gift for her, even though it was very belated ^^

AND I got for myself Saiyuki Reload 6 manga!! Whee! Finally the Chuang Yi English version is being published! But now Fadilah knows I've got the whole Saiyuki Reload manga series..she's asking me to lend the whole series to her...haha, sometime soon, Fad! My sister and I have to read it 1st before passing it to you!

My family will be celebrating Fathers' Day tomorrow (its on Sunday, I know) for the same reasons as why we celebrated Mothers' Day last month a day earlier than its supposed to be. And we'll be eating out at the same restaurant @ the Esplanade again! Mwee! Grilled Lamb with Special Madagascar Sauce, here I come for you again!! (Or maybe not. Maybe I'd pick another dish from the menu..haha)

Next week is such a special week...hmm...

Okiedokie, gotta go now. I'm getting way too dizzy typing and staring at the comp for nearly 6 hours now, while having a headache. Heh. Happy Holidays, everyone! ^o^

Hot Sunday morning.

2006-06-04T11:57:00.000+08:00

Ahh..its been quite some time. Today is such a hot day, isn't it? I'm sitting, typing, with the fan switched on but I'm sweating. I sat watching GSeedDestiny earlier facing the breeze, still sweating. Best part was, I was very very tired last night, and ought to sleep till 12+pm today, but arose at 1045hrs. I WOKE BECAUSE I WAS SWEATING.

Dammit. Hot day.

But I've a lot to blog about, so here I am after 5 days. At the same time I'm checking out all the e-learning tasks for all my modules. They seem sickeningly long-winded. Things that can't possibly be completed in just one whole day, all alone at home. Things that make me rather have proper lectures in school than be at home. YEESH.

SO, obviously I'm cranky today. And therefore I wanna blog about happier stuffs. I'll highlight whatever stuffs I can remember most.
Okay...since last Tuesday...on Wednesday I went to watch 'The DaVinci Code' at GV Marina with Calvin after doing a bit of our OC projects after school. I figure, this is our 1st date after being together for 2 weeks+. On Thursday I pissed him off, due to my stupidity and naivety, and spent the whole day trying to redeem myself on my part. At the same time played pool (yes, this time I actually PLAYED pool. 3 games at that.) with the usual group. This being only my 2nd, 3rd and 4th time playing, it feels good to have won at least one of the games; I paired up with Fad against Ryann and Fin. Heh. Feels really good. NOW I'm addicted to playing pool ^^

On Friday...after a short while of waiting, then traveling to Mt. B, then finding our OC studio, then practicing and organizing presentation, I finally had lunch break. When I approached Calvin to see if he had really cooled off as he claimed he had. He really had. So then there was time to eat, then I forced a meet-up with Amanda (oh Amanda I miss you!! and I love your hair! And specs too!!), then we 2 exchanged lanyards (now, I have red while she has purple), then I headed back to OC, then we watched a SUPA-YE-OLDE OC video. haha. Then practiced speech delivery for a bit, then headed for CD, stopping by to collect my Tertiary EZ-Link card, whilst singing all the way. The CD was very, EXTREMELY offensive to some whom I know, but I found it generally reasonable. Then attending the e-learning briefing (GAWD...Mr Saculo is REALLY slow and steady at explaining this time round). Took forever but worth the time, we missed our plan for a 1605hrs 'The DaVinci Code' @ The Cathay. But it still went on. Ryann made a comeback, and with Fin, Fad and Paul, took a bus to Plaza S'pura while Calvin and I headed to Sunshine Plaza 1st to check the availability of the Appleseed soundtrack I promised to get for my 2nd sis for her birthday. (No, it STILL wasn't in stock.) Then we 2 walked to PS, bought the tix, met the other 4 and headed to the theatre 7. Plan ended up being to watch 'The DaVinci Code' @ 1745hrs @ GV Plaza. Well, at least we watched it. I'd wanted to watch it again, so I ended up not regretting any part of the day at all. Fad and I took a cab home, man, that cab driver has some serious issues...he overtly rejoiced over a 5-car pile-up at AYE all the way till we reached Bedok MRT. Kept on singing and rejoicing. Eeww..I don't know what to say.

Saturday came and I went for a sisters' night out @ PP! 1: the 3 of us hadn't gone out together for so long!! (Min-chan incl. ^^) 2: I miss Parkway Parade! One of my sec sch days' hangout! Whee! I bought a hp strap, and the 3 of us went into a frenzy when we saw the Japanese Confectionery Fair at Isetan. We spent a total of $53.70 at that section alone. Haha. And then we window-shopped more...and hey, that beloved niece of mine, Min-chan, has seriously been developing well...she SOOOO kawaii!!

I refuse to mention the upsetting events of yesternight and this morning.

And that shall be all. Is it a long blogpost, as I had thought it would be??

Turning delinquent.

2006-05-29T21:47:00.000+08:00

I CAN'T BELIEVE I CONSCIOUSLY DECIDED TO LEAVE OUT DOING AN IMPORTANT SECTION OF MY PRIMER 2!!! Oh, what have I become?? What had gotten into me??

I missed out doing the whole part about 4-elevation drawings and plan drawing of my model! Along with many other little itsy-bitsy parts of the whole project! HOW AM I GOING TO SCORE?? AM I GOING TO FAIL??!

But, as I always say, my decisions are mine to take responsibility for. So there's no one to blame but myself for being so laid-back for Primer this time round. So laid-back that I didn't have time to do almost a whole quarter of the whole Primer 2 project.

In any case...its a wonder to think how much miracles and coincidences can really happen, no matter how much you don't believe in them.

That random statement aside, today I went with Ryann, Fad and Fin to Sunshine Plaza! Oh how I miss that place! Funny thing was, the moment I got into KKnM I realised that the comics shop wasn't What!Comics anymore...KKnM itself wasn't open, so we went on to the Gundam modelling shop, car modelling shop, and...LaTendo! I saw an oh-so-kawaii 1:24 scale model of a Tachikoma there! No price taggie on it though..(is it FREE?!) I figure...if I can ever have a 1:1 replica of a tachikoma, it'll be my SUPER personal computer workspace. Fun, isn't it?

Ah..right..I'm getting very sleepy..I didn't sleep last night again to try do as much of my Primer as I could..so effectively I've been awake for 36 hours from yesterday morning up till now. So yah...oyasumi...

Tomorrow's my critique session for Primer 2, by the way. Wish me all the best!

3r²

2006-05-25T22:34:00.000+08:00

3r²
= 3r x r
= (r + r + r) x r
= (respect + romance + responsibility) [of] relationship

therefore,
relationship = respect + romance + responsibility

Thus, my evaluation about relationships so far. Of the three, I should think respect comes 1st, followed by responsibility, then romance. This is just my thinking; don't need to critique my thoughts. I suddenly came up with this formula while on my way home this evening. But this formula is missing the most important factor of a relationship to me : Trust. But I'm lazy to sort that into the already-made formula at the moment.

I left my spectacles at Botanic Gardens just now. Haha. Had to make a cab trip back down to the Swan Lake from school almost immediately after arriving back in school from the Swan Lake, just to retrieve my specs. I'm glad I did find it where I expected it to be, at the last scene of having been seen. Then I took a cab back. I'm still wondering how goes that it costs $5 to get to BG from SP, but costs $5.50 from BG to SP. Weird...

There's in fact a whole load of things I'd like to blog about at the moment, but I'm so sorry, my mind's lazy to sort out the day's events just to type it out. The only thing I can think of right now is my dearest. Nothing else. So call me up to talk right now, the only thing I can churn my brains to talk about is Calvin. In fact I don't need my brains for that; I use my heart. Yup.

Sleepy eyes overrule my wish to blog more at the moment...I have to go now...or I'll sleep on my keyboard...I almost slept on my model (its currently a thick layer of jelly candle wax topped with a thick layer of art sand on a 7-layer plywood board) on the kitchen floor just now. Now, sleeping on the keyboard will not only mean bad body posture but typing unnecessary, senseless words onto my blog. I don't need that. So yah..byebye...

Gelato. Don't ask me why. Haha.

2006-05-25T00:20:00.000+08:00

It just felt natural to me to go over to wherever he was to take care of him. Even though his fever had subsided by the time I was free to go over.

"Why?", you may ask. Why'd I bother to make a trip down to someplace I don't even know, when I've got other things to do (e.g. SUPER far-behind-schedule Primer 2 project; ICE 2) and when I could've gone out to have fun with my other pals to get birthday pressies. But it just seemed like common sense to me, so naturale, to do what I did. Even though I didn't do anything much as to really *care take*, I felt that my presence was needed. Whether it was requested for or not.

Anyway, what's wrong with wanting to see your beloved when he's ill?
In fact, whenever you want to?

So, you don't need to thank me for that, Calvin. Really. But please don't fall ill more often just for the sake of having me around. I'm *always* around.

And, the trip to the nursery and waste management plant was in fact really great, only that I had a horrible worsened stitch from Monday that continued to Tuesday and got aggravated, thus prolonging to Wednesday. I've got a feeling my ICE 2(In-Class Exercise) is going to be a screwed-up piece of work.

It's okay..at least my Primer 2 has resumed construction today. Yay!

But the class decorum thing had really made me scared out of my wits...I'm very sensitive to the feelings of those around me...and I was instantly surrounded by negative feelings the moment the e-mail was read...I got so scared...for now, I won't say anything. It still left me slightly traumatised by the high influx of negative forces flowing into my little mind, body and heart that happens to be sensitive to such things...

Keep it cool, minna-san. Like I always say, I like to see the people around me smile. So if you give even the slightest frown...I'll feel like a total loser.

Stellar's 'Shinkai no Kodoku' still makes me go all philosophical..and sooner start crying than even think about my Primer. Ever so solemn...let's all head to the Lim Chu Kang Cemetery that we passed by earlier...

sigh... smiles

2006-05-21T23:02:00.000+08:00

I hereby announce...

MSN is *highly* addictive!!

I can't seem to tear away from MSN easily at all..argh..it's pulling me down from my Primer project!

But anyway...today I actually started off the day doing HOUSEWORK!! Wonder of all wonders! Then I skipped watching GSDestiny (huuhuu...) but I did catch small little parts like, Shinn 'killed' Kira...yup...I DON'T LIKE SHINN. Haha.

Then I rushed to meet Fad, my 'niece' and one of my dearest classmates and friend, to go Orchard Art Friend to buy Primer 2 model materials. But we paused at Taka McDonald's to eat, and Calvin came to meet us, or rather, me, there. After which came Fin, the guy who keeps getting pissed off by our bullying. Poor guy. Sorry Fin. I'm still your friend, ok? Don't be so easily pissed off, will ya? Oh ya..THEN we proceeded to Art Friend. They bought some stuffs, I didn't.

We went on to walk to Plaza S'pura to get to Spotlight. Aiyoh, that Fad ah..she's SO indecisive and undecided about what to use for her model! That's why I say..I didn't buy anything 'cos I've yet to decide...

Half-way through, Calvin had to leave us to do meet his friend. Calvin. Well, it seriously seems one-sided at the moment, our relationship. 'Cos he gives, but I don't even take. Kinda bounces off me. Haha. But I pay back for that by calling him at times to talk. I'm really sorry about this, but really, it's not that I don't like you or anything, nor do I consider you a substitute for someone I used to like but never got around to getting that guy to like me. Nor did I make a wrong decision to take you on. Just that I'm not too...responsive. Still, aishiteru yo, anata.

I'm gonna test-drive the Nokia 6030 that my dad found and passed on to me. Maybe I'll try for a few days..I doubt I'll like it 'cos I love my Sony Ericsson T290i too much. Haha. And I *finally* have a portable little folding stool! Yay! Now I can bring it around whenever I wanna go outdoor sketching! WHEE!!!

Yah. That's what I wanna blog for now and for today. Gonna start on Primer again now...good luck for Primer 2, minna-san in DLA!

screw me AGAIN?? NO!

2006-05-19T08:58:00.000+08:00

I don't wanna flunk Primer 2 like I did Primer 1...no...
And you know that I know that I know that you know...
My Saturday is screwed...
The coffee is brewed...
We cannot meet...
I hope my advice you'll heed...

- + - + - + - + -

I don't wanna flunk Primer 2 like I did Primer 1...no...

So I say. I *really* shouldn't be blogging right now; I'm supposed to hand in my Primer 2 storyline today but I've yet to write it down! I wanted to use 'Who Painted the Moon Black', but decided against it as the song's got lyrics and thus is bound to confuse me. So I changed to do 'Santamaria' instead. The song's got such a great beat...I really love it!

And you know that I know that I know that you know...

Counselling people is not my thing, but sometimes the job is there and you simply decide to take it up, because your friend is in need of you for guidance, comfort. I don't like counselling through msn, nor face-to-face...the best way is always to call. The calming voice is there, so is the sincerity. But you don't have to embarrass your friend by being able to see the other's 'fountain-face'. Unless on msn you're using webcam. Haha.

My Saturday is screwed...

I really don't know what to do with my Saturday, that is, tomorrow. Screw me...

The coffee is brewed...

Coffee's gotta be the best companion for tsaying up late to do work!

We cannot meet...

Jer's been asking for me to meet her for breakfast/lunch in school, but I'm always having lectures when she's free. I've been wanting to meet up with Lyz, but still no time...

I hope my advice you'll heed...

I know you won't, but I still hope you might, and will. I really hope so.

I honestly didn't dare. Haha.

2006-05-16T20:49:00.000+08:00

OMG he's fast. Haha. He's already blogged it but I haven't. I'm slow. Or maybe 'cos I kinda daren't. Haha.

Okies. Oh. Haha. I *still* feel like laughing it out! Hahahahahahahaha!! Oh no I'm on a laughing fit...I can't seem to stop...hahahahahaha...hahahaha...

Haha. Heh. *Breath in, breath out*...okay. Haha. Hahaha. Oh no this blog post is getting nowhere...

OKAY. Down to business, i.e. typing this blog post. Umm...haha...I'm with Calvin! Since the last Sunday's night, that is. Well, I don't know how's this gonna work out; it's my 1st relationship. Even I don't understand what's so good about me that he likes me. I, on the other hand, certainly know that I have basis for liking him. He's practicaly and literally the kind of guy I've been dreaming to be if I were a guy. Haha. Such unexpected coincidences in life...

Hmm...focusing on school, I seriously think Primer 2 is gonna be a real big-time fun! Almost my dream project to do...conversion of music to feelings, feelings to design idea, design idea to 3D model. So cool right? Although it has to be completed in 2 weeks I'll do my best for this Primer. 'Cos its so super cool. Haha.

Ah..kk..I'm going off to record 'Jewel in the Palace' now...my mum got me to record it for her and dad 'cos they're out till late tonight to run some errands...okieokie. Best of luck for everything you do to all you guys reading this post!

Long run.

2006-05-15T11:08:00.000+08:00

Okie...its been a LONG time since I've last updated...(gawd...my workspace is DAMN cold...)

Okieokie...1st things 1st, I've completed Primer 1 for real!! Yeah..lookin' smart, feelin' dumb. That's what sums up my presentation. Nyaha. but I felt good that day. Dressin' up is always fun!!

And then, and then...I played pool for the 1st time! Ahaha. I'm still a loser at that. Nyahaha. Aha. Ha....

Next day...Syaz and I actually planned to go to Botanic Gardens on that day. But she had to go back to kampong!! So the trip was cancelled..there goes my chance of sketching 30 plants at one shot.

And then, and then...Saturday...my family celebrated Mothers' day! 'Cos on actual Mothers' Day, papa wouldn't be home, and anyways restaurants would easily be fully booked. Sho...Min-chan, Jiejie, and Abang, they 3 people, met up with oneechan 1st at the esplanade, to 'pakat' with the restaurant guys not to let my parents pay the bill at the end. Ahaha.

AND...papa bought mama a present! My whole life, papa NEVER bought mama a pressie before! What's more, its $2.5K!! Just when I was wondering what papa has been planning to do with that *so much* money in his bank account. Nyeh.

Because of that extreme price, oneechan and I aborted our plan to give our (in comparison) teeny-weeny pressie for mama. *sigh* But at least we get to see Min-chan!! AHAHAHA!!

And then, and then...next day...oh. Haha. I WOKE UP LATE TO DO HOUSEWORK!! (AGAIN!) (AS ALWAYS!) So...watch and recorded GSDestiny @ 11am. And then...iron...and then...and then what happened?? Haha. I hate myself for being late. All the time. Urgh.

I'll continue some other time. Its almost suicide to type when I'm freezing.

I'm laaaate!!

2006-05-09T11:20:00.000+08:00

Bloggin' from T531.

The 1st half of Crit session for today has just ended. It's break time now...but I think I wanna do preparations for my Primer 1 presentation.

PRIMER 1 IS FINALLY OVER!!!

For the main part, that is. There's still crit session...mine's on the 3rd day(Thursday), I'm the 3rd presenter. But the day before submission day (that was yesterday), I'd attempted slogging through the night but ended up playing around msn. When I finally got around to being serious, it was nearly 4am and by 5, I fell asleep. Wakey-wakey at 6am. Surprisingly I didn't get cranky in school.

Therefore, lack of sleep. But I remained fairly energetic. Best thing was that today...

I woke up at 7.15am when I was supposed to hustle my butt outta the house by 7am!

So, a cab trip to school yet again...

And I reached well past the 15 mins grace period. Discounting being late for the P. Ubin trip, this would be the 1st time I'm late for school.

Man, I'm slowly turning into a delinquent. And hey, I realised quite a couple of my classmates are fellow dilettantes, just like me!

Nee...me feeling quite normal today, except that I've a slight headache for rushing the moment I woke up.

Not cranky...

Primer 1 due for submission tomorrow...

2006-05-07T19:02:00.000+08:00

The Primer project is really testing me...

...Faintness dulled me at 11.15pm yesterday...
...Lonliness enveloped me at 12am today...
...Hope came to me later at 12.50am...
...Pressure caught up with me at 1am...
...Dreams shattered on me at 1.10am...
...Desperation grabbed at me at 1.22am...
...Tears welled in me at 1.25am...
...Confusion spat at me at 1.40am...
...Gratefulness graced me at 1.50am...
...Sleep tugged on me at 2.30am...

I honestly thank God for granting me such generousity just when I needed it...I seriously thank a certain friend for willing to listen to me, help me, pull me out of my big-time, flushed, damp situation. Even though it was crazy to talk to someone when you're busy doing your own work and it's damn early in the morning.

Thank you so much. For being there for me.

And for the other person..thanks so much. For shoving me away. Just when I needed you.

*sigh*...I can't wait to get Primer 1 over and done with. I called Lyz just now...well I told her in detail what happened this morning. Then I realised I seem to be calling her whenever I've cried on that day..haha..and I'll report to her the who, what, when, where, why, and how I got around to crying...funny. Haha.

Vesak Day's this Friday. Public holiday. But the next day I'll be going over to Lyz's house to get her to teach me something...! I can't wait! Lyz is my dearest best friend!

Oh ya, which reminds me, I've to slot Jer's name somewhere in this post...
K. I thought I wanted to get Jer to go with me to collect my O Level cert @ TKGS this Wednesday...but she's already gotten hers...heh...lousy..can't even wait for me....

Tomorrow I'll probably be going shoe-shopping after school...my 2 pairs of high heels have long been goners...and I plan to use heels for my Primer presentation, so I've gotta get myself a new pair...

I need to shop for everyday clothes too...

Silent.

2006-05-04T10:35:00.000+08:00

And I thought I had gotten over those feelings. They came flooding back again. Will they ever go away?

In lieu of celebrating hitting my 50th blog post a few days ago, I've decided to change my blog template. I've never had a black-background blogskin before, and this one seems sweet.

Back to confusion-ism. Is this what it really is to be a teenager? Fun-filled, yet full of mysteries to discover. About life, about others, about yourself. And here I am getting more and more confused about everything around me. And about me.

But I like it. All the madness, all the rage. It keeps me occupied. Keeps me going. Keeps me confused, yet thinking.

Some people haven't been there for me. They ought to be. But they're 'busy', 'have no time'. How on earth are stable and no-misunderstanding relationships supposed to last that way? Even if we're bonded by blood?

Some people, though, I truly appreciate their existance. Whether they care if I do or not, whether they know if I do or not. I still will remain thankful for their mere company.

Then there's the thing about being alone. Sometimes I enjoy being alone, sometimes I perfectly don't mind being with a friend. As long as there's no reason for me to holler and scream in distress due to my choices, I should be fine.

What nonsense am I saying??

Oh heck. I'm happy, yet I'm upset. I'm clear of my path, yet I'm confused.

Aishah the paradox.

A day of emotional pressure...

2006-05-03T13:57:00.000+08:00

Yesterday broke through my personal firewall. For the 1st time in long months, I fell victim to unconditional fear. I was scared out of my wits...with not much of a basis.

1st it was the thought of having to go Pasir Ris Park again...this time at 7/8pm+. It felt wrong. Even though I knew I was going to be perfectly fine.

Then it was the train at Simei station. When approaching Simei MRT Stn from the eastward-bound train, the train on the opposite platform which also happened to be approaching started to horn. HORN. I've always been traumatized by horns of normal cars on the roads, and now the sound is coming from a TRAIN.

Following which, my companion told me about his dream, which was absolutely traumatizing yet again. I started praying to God, praying that that particular repetitious dream wouldn't come true for real. I kept silent...

Later, arriving at Downtown East, we heard a "meow". No, actually it was many, many, many, shrill "meow"s. It was a kitten, stuck in a tree. An little me, being a cat activist, was so scared for the cat, who was on its own too petrified of the height from which it stood. My heart went out to the poor kitten.

Then I started to worry about reaching home past 9, the time that I promised my mom by which I would arrive home.

And when walking along the beach, the pitch-darkness got to me. I was never afraid of darkness, but for some reason I was scared. It wasn't because of fear of the supernatural, neither of the unknown, neither of unforseen events. So I don't know why...

Maybe I was tired of being strong, yet again. Tired of standing on my own. Tired of being alone all the time. Just sick of being a 'stand-alone-complex'.

Pasir Ris Park again!!

2006-05-01T12:20:00.000+08:00

Wow...its amazing how even a human can turn deliciously golden-brown, just like french fries...I got slightly sun-bathed again yesterday when I went to Pasir Ris Park by myself to go look for this particular seed-that-looks-like-a-wooden-flower to use in my sculpture (I still have yet to identify the name of the plant from which that seed comes from, though...) and as I walked part of the length of the beach I started to worry about my skin colour again..as it is the melanin contents in Malays cause us to remain that colour once we attained it (like, once you get dark, you can't get back to the lighter skin colour you had before that), unlike the Chinese skin where they can still miraculously revert back to their original skin tone even after a sun-tan...no fair...I'm not being racist, but it simply is true...

So under the fluorescent light bulbs of my study area right now, I do look like one human-sized, nice, delicious piece of well-cooked McDonald's french fries.

Nyahaha. *Sigh*.

Actually I had wanted to ask one of my classmates to do the 3D model of our abstraction together with me today, but 2 of the people I had in mind both hadn't completed their abstraction yet...so my tasks for today only include scanning, printing, making Powerpoint Presentation, taking pictures with my digicam, uploading, planning. Yup.

Yeesh. So annoying. And just when I thought I was lagging behind at that...

Aishah is caught in a dilemma right now. She hates to go back on her words, but she can't keep them anymore. She wants to have a change, to be more flexible. How does she deal with this?

Oh, and I kick-started my digital plant library yesterday too, while at the beach. And here's my favourite picture-of-the-day:

It's so pretty, right, right? I love it! The moment I caught sight of the colourful flowers I set my mind to walk through the tall-grass patch to take a picture of the Frangipanni plant. It looks like a shrub of some kind, but is actually a tree. Just like how the Traveller's Palm is not a palm, but a tree (*so* weird! The name is Traveller's PALM!!) By the way, the famous Traveller's *Palm* that's easily found at Raffles Hotel and along Downtown East actually comes from Madagascar, thus its scientific name being Ravenala madagascariensis. So there are plants out there that have singaporiensis as their second name in scientific terms owing to it being founded in and native to Singapore. For example the Kerinting plant from the Palmae family (i.e. its a palm) has its scientific name as Rhopaloblaste singaporensis. Cool huh? Fun things we learn here as DLA students...haha...

I love my seniors.

2006-04-27T22:12:00.000+08:00

Today I MUST post. 'Cos I've finally really realised the fun and use and importance of having and interacting with my Yr 2 and 3 seniors. Yesterday a senior was full of advise for us concerning our project (advise that my tutor himself told us the very next day...). Today while I was sketching the plot of plants outside T5 some seniors came to guide and advise. And later while attempting to abstract my composition, a senior came to see me if I wanted any help. Another senior did give some tips regarding the project again too.

DLA people are cool. I don't think I'd enjoy school as much without this inter-link network of trust and reliance between the few of us...

I love all of you in SP's DLA course, lecturers included. Always hoping to see ya on weekdays! Stay cool! I *really* love you all...

Oh I'm having a horrible migraine...shucks...

Aishah is still stuck at abstracting. Please approach her to help and give advise when you can. She cannot think well when her head's throbbing like its gonna burst anytime due to headache/migraine. So also, please try not to provoke her. Joke with her at your own risk. She might just raise her leg to try kick your head off your shoulder.

Or...break down. She can't help it when she's sick.

System shutting down...

After a long time...

2006-04-26T20:22:00.000+08:00

This'll be the shortest post I've done in a long time...I'm really busy right now, slightly stressed...but I still love school to bits and will strive to get the Director's Honors Roll at the end of Yr 1...(am I too far achieveing? I mean, if my sister could do it why can't I aim for it?)

OKies I'm working on my Primer project Task B, to super-impose my leaves composition, and later to abstract it...after that'll be to make a story out of it...I'm actually lagging behind schedule compared to most of my classmates...aarghhh...slow me...

And my dad just found a handphone...and I obediently helped to delete the existing contacts...no prank calls made, 'cos the contacts are mostly overseas numbers..e.g. in Africa, London, Saudi Arabia...I don't wanna tax my Hi!Card, haha...

Okay, back to super-imposing...I'm gonna use my fish tank to trace out my printed composition. I guess finally there's one good purpose as to having a pet fish in the house!

Finally!!

2006-04-22T14:27:00.000+08:00

Wow...my mother *finally* has resumed communication with my 2nd sis...they hadn't acknowledged each other for weeks!

Hmm...all of my 3 oniichans birthdays are in May...so is my 2nd sister's birthday...May is such a busy month...and may I *not* gonna be real broke, haha.

I'm having a bit of a trouble trying to figure out how to tweak the html of my other new blog (*surprise!* I'll only reveal the blog address when the template finally looks okay...)

Aaahh..I'm supposed to buy my Muji notebook and my parallel roller ruler today...I'll go do that after posting this...

Yesterday was a fun lesson. I got to know many many many more things about one of my oniichan: Calvin a.k.a. Xiaoming! Haha..he's really full of experiences to share...makes a good public speaker, really...

On Monday, school will *finally* begin for real! Lectures, tutorials, projects...whaa!! I can't wait to dunk into the stress of DLA life! Might sound crazy to most people...but hey, I've been laying 'dormant' for too long a time already...I can't wait to let my creativity juices ooze out from my brain...

Hmm...I accidentally stepped on a moth yesterday...my mother accidentally stepped on a lizard today...I did accidentally run over a lizard the other day...and someone did accidentally squash a lizard between the folding doors of the toilet last year...weird...

By the way, everyone is class is fussing over my TK doll...even the guys...haha...

I'm gonna be learning how to bake cakes from my best friend Lyz! Yay! I can't wait to learn that too!

Sketchy mood!

2006-04-20T03:12:00.000+08:00

Whooohoo!! I'm done doing my assignment for today! Had to sketch 5 trees and 5 shrubs found in Pulau Ubin...and I finally completed it! Yay!

Right..Pulau Ubin...yesterday started badly. We were *late*. Instead of reaching Changi Jetty at 0830hrs as instructed, we (quite a group of us DLA kiddoes) reached past 9am. Late lor...

K k..that aside...we going to set off to Ubin, we took a picture. Reached Ubin, took a picture. Pictures and more pictures. Even took pictures of plants, haha. But when we were all told to do our sketch at that time, I didn't want to...I don't know why...but once I took some peeps at some of my classmates, I felt compelled to sketch 2 plants (together with their respective common name and scientific name) in the end. Some of my classmates are really good artists! Wish I could learn from them...

I kinda got lost together in a group of us during the trail...

Oh, and I wore my OBS polo-t! Go OBS, Junko watch rocks!

Uh, yah, then...go prawn farm! I was totally convinced that someone should start a Diploma in Farming. There's so many things to learn! Some of us even ate live and fresh prawns...
And after that...home-ward bound! I stayed behind with my usual group of guys (excluding Wenqiang)(including new member Michelle) to go cycling 'round the island! That's the best part of the day to me. Cycle till we didn't realise we went one round. Cycle till we often need to pause. Cycle till our butts hurt madly right now...Ariffin told me he's got muscle aches on his arms and legs only, though...

Take bus 2, reach Bedok MRT, parted ways, copying plant names at McDonald's, go home...pray, bathe, pray, computer! I logged into MSN 1st thing, as always...then began my internet lookup on plants that can be found on Pulau Ubin to sketch them (in the comfort of my house and fan...). I even missed watching Jewel in the Palace, WHRobin and Sunabouzu so as to complete my work. I feel so happy having done all that drawing already...so I started to tweak my official custom-made logo using Ulead! I don't really like the coloured version...my original black-and-white brush-painted logo is still prettier.

This logo, by the way, shall be seen on every single piece of work that I produce as a Landscape Architecture student. For the whole of 1st year. I love my logo!!

Oh yeah, probably by tomorrow or Saturday hopefully I'll be able to post the pictures I took of my wonderful class onto my blog!

(Aishah turns away to check how much darker she got from after the Ubin trip *again*...)

It's all Paul-kun's fault lah that we were late to arrive at the jetty yesterday! >:(

Invalid.

2006-04-18T08:13:00.000+08:00

I deem yesterday's post -INVALID-. Therefore I shall re-write for yesterday's blunder's sake.

Okay, okay...yesterday had a very bright beginning. I met up with Paul-kun, my classmate, a.k.a. my oniichan ('big brother' in Jap) at Foodcourt 2 at (apparently) 7.30 in the morning to eat breakfast (or so he thought. I didn't, you see. Haha.) And then we arrived at our most beloved Studio, T531, quite punctually at 8am, the time we're supposed to report for class.

After which...we were introduced to another lecturer for our course, Mdm Siti! She's a building architect, right as we 'speak' (I'm typing, aren't I? Not 'speaking'...) but she'll be teaching one of our modules, Environmental System and Process, I think. So far, I find that she's a really nice lady!

Oh, then, we watched a video made by the Yr 2 students of DLA. Something they've been compiling for the whole of their 1st year as Landscape Architecture students. It was very enlightening to some, it was a touching video to me...maybe it was the background music that they used. It's really not much of the fun that I'm looking forward to, it's the opportunity to realize myself and my potential, the opportunity to do things anew, without having burdens of my past around to drag me down. 'Cos as it is, there's no one in my course whom I know from my secondary school, but only one guy was actually a schoolmate from my primary school, but that's not so much of a burden.

Then we personalised our workspace! Yay! I've got my mini Zen garden, 3 postcards with pictures of beautiful historical gardens from Busan, Korea (I happened to buy them on my choir competition trip to Busan in Sec 1), my drawings of Dio and Luciola from Last Exile and Kouji and Kouichi from Digimon Frontier, all pinned to the divider board with my cute ladybug pins bought from Borders! And lastly, there's my ever-so-comfy wrist-pad. I've been having a problem with my wrist these few months. Sometimes a nerve inside will simply hurt so much, very sharply. I'm so scared I might get that weird syndrome of people who use the mouse/keyboard too often that they suffer from such pains.

Then we collected our stationeries! I was one in my class who might've bought the most number of things..till my plastic bags broke, even though I doubled it...sheesh. In any case we all left them at our workspace in the studio, and proceeded to Pasir Ris Park! BUT, meanwhile, in between, Aishah here attempted to return Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 2nd GIG boxes 1 and 2 at the school main library, and also borrow boxes 3 and 4 at the same time. I ended up making my classmates wait for me! Aargh!! My oniichans actually went to the library to wait for me!! And my classmate Alia was so worried that I'll be left behind. Nyahaha. Hontouni gomen nasai, minna-san!

Then, the trip to Pasir Ris. We took a train, a bulk of DLA Yr 1 students did..together with our tutor/lecturer (I'm still confused as to how we're supposed to spell his name. Haih.) Reaching Pasir Ris, we took 354 to the bus stop where you would get down if you wanna go to Escape Theme Park, and walked our way to our 'site' at the beach. I feel so bad for making the Year 3s wait for us! But along the way, I spoke to a lot of my classmates to get to know them better. ^^

Then we were teamed in groups of 5. I was with Ryann, Wenqiang, Ariffin and Ernest (apparently I was the rose amongst the thorns)(Nevermind, I noticed Paul was the thorn amidst the roses in his team, haha) and then paired up with a senior group of 4 people. So far I've only managed to remember 2 of the seniors' names: Tuson and Rainie. Tuson-san was our team leader. And we played a simple game to try memorise each other's names. Unsuccessful, in my case. I now remember about 8 more of my own classmates' names, though. After which my own group had to go look for materials (picked up from our surroundings) to make a sculpture, based on a concept. Our concept was...funny. But I liked one team's idea, they used an umbrella, a shoe, drink cans, with some other stuffs, and make into the life story of a migrant who came to S'pore. Haha. So innovative!

Then we were let to go home. I went with a few of my guy pals to eat at McDonald's at Downtown East (they're basically my team mates + Paul-kun). *smiles* That's all I can say. I don't know how on earth to explain my feeling of freedom, going out with a group of guys again. I've always been doing that back in primary school, but was barred for 4 years while being in a girls' school, and now I'm back to the ever-so-cool mixed-gender environment. I love it. I just socialize around guys better than with girls. And, HEY, I'm not flirting okay, if that's what you're thinking. It's just that guys are way more open are easy-going than people of my own gender are. More fun. More freedom.

And I applied for my Tertiary student Ez-link card at the Pasir Ris bus interchange's Ticket Office.

Such were the events of yesterday. As complete as I can relate. I don't wanna talk about home-stuff. I'm not feeling too good about my situation at home..

It pains me so...

2006-04-17T19:50:00.000+08:00

That episode of WHRobin last Thursday...it left me feeling painful. Robin..she cried out "Amon...Amon..Amon...Amon...Amon..Amon..Amon..." so many many times...she was so desperate...it made my heart go out to her. So desperate...

It reminds me of in I'm the King of the Castle (those who took 2005 GCE 'O' Level Literature would know) when Kingshaw cried out "Mummy...mummy...mummy..." countless of times...he was desperate too. Repetition of calling out for someone can really make you seem vulnerable, weak...in despair.

But anyways...today was a REALLY, hontouni fun day! Had so much fun with my classmates and the Year 3 seniors! I don't feel like explaining at length what today was all about, only that we went to Pasir Ris Park for an outing-desu!

Uhh..there's someone I really like right now...but I should think it's too soon and too rash if I were to tell him how I feel...he'd *definitely* get a shock. So...let's leave it at that. See how things go...then when I think I've seen his 'real' or 'true' self as you may say, I might eventually confess. Oh well, oh well...Aishah is *actually* letting people in on her deepest secrets. Once in a while, I just need to let the whole world know what I'm going through. It's *damn* sickening to keep it all to yourself.

Hope he'll notice it. Or maybe not. Anything goes...

I'm feeling so delighted now. The Pasir Ris Park outing has made me so happy. Nyahaha.

And today I finally got all my stationeries! Well, all except my parallel roller ruler and adjustable set square. Only these 2 things and I'm raring to go as a DLA 1st year student!

And so I got to know many more classmates today...and I started personalizing my workspace today too...there's now 3 posties of Korea's historical gardens in Busan, my fanart drawings of Dio and Luciola from Last Exile, as well as Kouji and Kouichi from Digimon Frontier, and my mini Zen garden. Haha. Still quite spacious eh...

Oh, and I realized Sunabouzu a.k.a. Desert Punk has yet to have an official fanlisting.

And so begins her new life...

2006-04-12T21:15:00.000+08:00

After 3 days...I'm finally updating again! There's so many things to tell you guys! So many new friends to introduce here! Wait, slowly ah...I said I wanted to explain why I like Amon-kun in my previous post right? So here goes...

Amon-kun is imply *hot*. Yah. Fullstop. No questions, no doubts.

Okay, so on with my life. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...

Monday:
I went for my 1st day of SP Orientation. 1st, I got to know my lecturer! Then, we learn all about our school's Internet/Intranet/computer systems, called SPICE, as well as the SP Library's system ELISER! Then...go home!

Tuesday:
Official opening ceremony! Introduced to SP Library, Student Alumni, Sch of Built Environment club, amongst other things...and got to know some of the lecturers in my course! Then...oh, I ordered my stationeries too! I chose to order with Art Friend...then..we got to see where our classroom is! It's a studio!! Air-conditioned, by the way...and we also got our tin cans and t-shirts and licence to do SP Flag Day for President's Challenge for the next day! And then I went to Orchard to buy Gundam Seed Destiny's postcards-and-portraits book!

Wednesday:
Met up with 3 classmates to do flag day together-gether...at Somerset area...don't ask how much I collected...this is my 1st time doing Flag Day. And took bus 14 from Dhoby Ghaut back to school once done...and...later we got assigned our personal workspaces!!

Ya, that's about it...and, like I said, I made so many new friends! But still so many more to meet! There's no official programme for tomorrow, but I'll be watching my borrowed DVDs of Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 2nd GIG at home for sure!

My heart aches to wait...and wait...

2006-04-08T22:22:00.000+08:00

I never knew being an anime fan-girl could be sooo...exasperating.

I'm dying right now.
*
*
*
DYING TO GET TO SEE AMON AND SAKAKI AGAIN!!!

I noticed something. I easily can have a crush (almost immediately) on a male anime character that has gone through a pitiful state. I get moved by my sense of pity very easily.

That's how I came to have such a HUGE crush on Sakaki from Witch Hunter Robin. Yup yup. All because...

Sakaki got attacked in Episode 'Faith'; he was chocked with chloroform. Aaand...ta-da...his weak look as a result of the attack caught the 'pitying side' of me...

And so I'll always love him thereafter.
Forever.

By the way I got the above screenshot from exonesis, Hikoto's 'blog' and so, THANKS A LOT FOR UPLOADING THIS SCREENSHOT HIKOTO!!!

I bought my Poly stationeries today, by the way. Went to Kinokuniya Takashimaya with my mama after visiting the bank. And spent around $30 on my new stationeries. I even bought myself a new foldable umbrella, lilac in colour!! So kawaii...my sister has *exactly* the same design, same size, same brand, same price umbrella, hers is green apple in colour! Matching! Even more kawaii!! Haha..

And the other day I uploaded a Junni Kokki screenshot as my handphone wallpaper...

Yup. Got this pic from exonesis too!!

I'm still dying here though. Energy depleting. Dying to get to see Amon and Sakaki again...I'll tell you guys the story of why I love Amon so much mext time, okies?

The Ai-ou's New Clothes!

2006-04-05T09:08:00.000+08:00

Haha! I bought my new clothes for poly yesterday! It's the 1st time I bought so many clothes at one shot! Well it may not be many to most women, but it's a lot to me. 3 pairs of bottoms, and 2 pairs of tops, specifically

2 pairs of (deep blue; jeans blue) Hang Ten jeans [size 26],
1 pair of (white) Bossini chinos [size 25],
2 pairs of (dark blue; light pink) Hanes t-shirts [size M]

Yay! My mother (as expected) grumbled about the white pants (I mean, the other colours are light colours too, it makes no difference if I've got dirt on any of the other colours 'cos they would be visibly dirty just the same...) but yay! My sis says it's nice. They're nice. Haha. Yay! New clothes for poly!!

Oh! And shopping with a friend is certainly fun!

I've got a couple of 'to-do's today...but I really just wanna relax on the comp listening to my anime songs 1st. After this maybe I'll
play Age of Empires II Expansion Pack,
and after that I'll go to Meidi-ya at Liang Court to buy my mum's powder chili, my facial wash and hair treatment wax,
then I'll go check out the Kinokuniya on the 3rd floor,
then I'll proceed to Far East Plaza to buy the Rey figurine (I hope it's still there!),
and then I'll go to Takashimaya to check the stationeries at B1 and Kinokuniya, and also buy M.A.G.E. magazine (yes it's *finally* out!),
then if there's time I'll visit La Tendo, What!Comics and KKnM at Sunshine Plaza,
then I'll go home to watch Gundam Seed at 6pm.

Still have yet to wash my Deuter bag and my handphone pouch. And my black office wears and my 2 sets of kebaya. Wash wash wash...

Whee...next week Freshmen Orientation for School of DE (Design & the Environment) will start! And next Saturday I'll be going to Jurong Bird Park with my eldest sister's family and my 2nd sis!

I'm *the great anime freak* I've always liked to be right now! There's so many anime that I've been watching these 4 months of 'no-school'...and so many more to watch once school re-opens. I still have many 'unfinished businesses' with manga; there's a couple of series that I haven't continued reading for a long time now.

Falling, a light sleep
watashi ni michiru
I don't carry out
yakusoku wa yagate
Itsuka no kagayaki tsuteta
kaerenai asa no hikari no you

Yeah man...I'm listening to 'Half Pain' by Bana, Witch Hunter Robin's ending song. It's so smooth...

Kei Taiho!!

2006-03-30T16:34:00.000+08:00

As it is, I met with meli 2 days ago at the airport! And we ate at Popeye's! And we talked lots about lots of stuff! Ahaha! She's fun! I *knew* she'd be caught off-guard when I suddenly 'pop out' to her, especially since I don't think she's ever known how I look like...or maybe she did...(have you, meli?) But hey I was an hour late from the set meeting time. She was 30 mins late. So all in all I was the later one. Haha.

BUT. The main thing I wanna blog about today is...

I'm in love with Kei Taiho!!

Luckily I'm not Kei-ou, or else the kingdom would have fallen to destruction thanks to my forbidden love towards my dear kirin. I dunno why I've suddenly taken a deep liking towards this cold, unnerving guy. I used to like only Renrin, Taiki and Enki of all the kirins in Junni Kokki. In fact I used to hate Keiki. But now it looks like I've somehow managed to see his softer and nicer side that I really really like. Nyahaha. Or maybe it's the natural attraction to all kirins eventually.

Oh ya, forgot to mention...my sister was saying: "Why is Kokan (Kei's new chosai) so pale? *So* pale...oh! He shares the same sunblock with Keiki!"

Yah, Keiki *is* pale...but I think it makes him prettier in his beast form; a white kirin, with ravishing gold hair...I wish I could ride on a kirin! Well Enki's a bit small (ahaha can you imagine this: En-ou riding on his kirin...I can only laugh out loud, really! ...Shouryuu is way too huge to ride on Rokuta...or should I say Rokuta is too small to give a ride to his Master?? I bet he won't even let his Master ride him!)(I think same goes to Tai-ou and Kouri...haha)(Oh but then again I think I *can* ride on Enki...maybe. I'm not too big, am I?)

This is one of my 'favouritest' scene in Twelve Kingdoms. When Keiki got Enki and En-o to visit Tai so as to help Taiki realise that a Kirin can never bow to anyone else other than his own Master, no matter how suitable a King the person makes. (Got this picture from the Shouryuu fanlisting site)

Oh, I intend to draw a fanart with Kei-ou, Keiki, Kei's new Chousai and new Imperial Left Army General...that'll be Youko, Kei Taiho, Kokan and Kantai! Yay!

Tasogare no Kishi, Akatsuki no Sora...I'm reading up on that too. The following chapter from where the anime left off about Tai Kingdom. So poor thing, the kingdom doesn't know a single *toot* about what happened to their King and Kirin. Haih...

I think I'm going to fall sick if I continue waiting to get to see Keiki on TV anymore...'cos now the chapter is on En, and there's no Keiki in En. But hey I guess it's okay; I can look out for Enki!

Kirins are *so so so so so so pretty*!!! Yah I'm going to attempt doing a fanart on them , all right...

Officially an SP student!

2006-03-26T00:03:00.000+08:00

Yesterday must've been one of the most important days of my life, although I screwed the earlier part of the afternoon. I was 1.5hrs late for my enrolment...I was freaking out in the train on my way to SP, but anyhows and anyways...

I've got my student card. So I'm now officially declared a student of Singapore Poly!

Hmm...I'm still set on making CYA my CCA in SP. Still love the airport. Still have the passion for customer service. Nyahaha. Hope I can indeed be a CYA!

Oh and so far I'm not attending any FO camps...not that I think it's a waste of time, more like I have other more important stuff to do with that few days they'll be taking up. Like getting ready my clothes, stationeries, stuffs...

Relationships...are bound to face problems. If there aren't any then...you must be a really weird couple. And have a really monotonous relationship. (Okay, this is so random...)

*Sigh* I'm sleepy. And so very freaked out after accidentally seeing a lizard devouring a moth. I was typing some stuff a few minutes ago when I heard some really rapid flapping sound. And when I turned left...there it was on the wall, a lizard trying to eat up a moth. So gross! And the moth was fighting for its dear life! Huuhuu...reminds me of the other time when I also accidentally saw a cat devouring a sparrow...same thing...then again that's what they feed on. So we can't do anything about it. If we stop them from eating these other animals, they'll die.

I wonder when will I have the will to write out Celestial Vengeance [Part V]...

Today is..."We-get-to-see-the-super-uber-kakkoii-and-sexy-looking-adult-Loki" day! Yay! In today's episode of 'Matantei Loki Ragnarok', Loki temporarily transformed back into his actual adult body. Sooooooooo kakkoii!! Reminds of Keiki from 'Twelve Kingdoms' when he transformed into his original kirin form to meet his Master...so preeettyyyy!! Kirins are so so so beautiful...

And interestingly, I was given a Maple Story CD yesterday during the CCA rooms walk-through thing. I've yet to find for my sister her Warcraft and AoE II though, so I can't start playing Maple just yet. Not that I mind. I think playing AoE is better...I still prefer strategy games to self-centered and slightly pointless games.

Honoo no Tobira

2006-03-20T11:41:00.000+08:00

Whoah. I've just finished updating my Friendster blog, a.k.a. my Literature blog. *Finally* 'Celestial Vengeance [Part III]' was published online 4 days ago. And I've added the Part IV today! Do read it up, guys! Just click here! :: my literature blog ::
And you *must* start reading from Part I, then proceed to Part II, III, and lastly IV. Or else you won't understand what the story is all about. 'Celestial Vengeance' is one of the best storied I've written! :)

Ooo..my hair's dropping a lot...haha...

I'm listening to 'Honoo no Tobira' by 'FictionJunction Yuuka' right now...the song is pure beautiful. Really. Gundam Seed/GSeedDestiny songs never fail to make me go "Woohoo!". Haha.

I've been catching up on 'Age of Empires II' lately...I forgot the strategies I used to use, so I kinda did things 'the wrong way' now...haha...I remembered some of those strategies while watching my sister play the 'Expansion Pack' for a few times. Food comes 1st...army...houses...research...defence...

Aaahh!! I'm addicted to the nuts my dad bought in Tanjong Pinang! My throat's running dry...

I had an interesting revelation the other day...I was comparing 'Samurai 7' to 'Last Exile'...both are Gonzo productions, digimations, back-in-time-but-high-on-technology anime. Then...horahora...I realised I watched 'Last Exile' 3 years ago as compared to 'Samurai 7' only in the last few months. So long ago! I didn't think I could remember well an anime that I watched so long ago, and still be dedicated to it!

Oh, in the end I didn't go for the Naruto Winter Festival cosplay event at Snow City yesterday. In fact I spent yesterday brushing every inch of my 3 carpets in my house. And watched the last few episodes of 'Saiyuki Reload' while brushing. I still have to dust, wipe, and sweep today. *sigh*

Tomorrow I'll be going for my medical check-up for Poly enrolment! Yay! After that maybe I'll be going to the airport to chill-out again...

Oh! And I've also started making the cards for dear MagSTORM and some of LW people! Slow progress, but I promised I'll visit them this week!

I've just received 2 to-do-tasks messages from my sister...

Soudayo...oh! And I'm quite surprised to find out that Meli lives so near me! I've never met her...but we've known each other for...1 year plus! She's only at most 500m away from my house!!

Oooh...I *love* Tachikomas!!

Nadd!! You're so sweet! Always giving me encouragement through my tag-board!! Thanks so much!! Hope we'll keep in touch! ;)

According to my dad, my niece now goes "Uh-oh" if she accidentally throws or topples something...haha, so cute!

Last Saturday I followed my mum to her workplace. We dropped by KK Hospital to buy breakfast 1st. And while we were walking through an escalator lobby, she suddenly said "This was where there was a cemetery...its right beneath where we're stepping on right now..." Spooky! It was broad daylight though, 8am. I asked her "How you know?" She said, " Ya lah I used to pass by here on my way to school last time...I walked to school and back home everyday...how can I forget where the cemetery was?" Oooooooo....

I smiled whenever I passed by the Birth Registration office. Got to see all the proud daddies registering their new-born child's name...really, those men were so happily smiling! My bro-in-law must've looked the same that time when he had to register Umairah Yasmin's name too!

Heihachi-dono died...huuhuu...why'd he have to go down together with the Capital's engine...he practically committed a 'kamikaze' act...huuhuu...well at least Kanbei-dono, his 'wife' and his disciple are still alive. Even Kikuchiyo was burnt off!! Huuhuu..I feel so sad for little Komachi...only his feet were left standing in the rubble...And Kyuzo!! I bet none of them ever thought that Kyuzo would die because of bullets. He died too! Katsuhiro shot him! Huuhuu...

And like I told Meli before, it's okay to have a crush on dead guys, so I'll continue to like Heihachi-sama...huuhuu...

To miss those that I love...

2006-03-16T12:09:00.000+08:00

Whaaa!! I really can't stand this anymore. I *have* to go and look them up real soon. I miss all of them too much!!

I've been crying a lot lately...weird me...but crying really makes me feel much better as an 'after-effect'. I cry whenever my heart feels moved, or touched, or simply because I think of my good friends. I cry wherever, whenever. I even cried hard in the bus on my way home from work before. And I cry when I think of all those times that I cried out of sincerity. It may sound stupid to most people, like, why on earth does this girl cry for almost no reason?

But I will still continue to let my feelings out. Maybe I cry because I know there's too much that has been cooped up inside me these years as a teenager. I learned somewhere, that there's only 2 reasons why people cry: Either they're feeling sad, or because they pity themselves. I'm not sure which category I fall in, or if it even applies to me...

But really, I miss them too much, I feel like my heart's going to stop beating if I don't get to see them again soon...

So anyways yesterday I went out with my friend to buy some cardstock at Takashimaya's Art Friend, and after that we went to Changi Airport!! Yay! That place brings back many memories of me doing revision there before and during my 'O' Levels period last year. We ate at Popeye's, the place where my sister kept telling me that the food's very good. I caught sight of some CYA (Changi Youth Ambassador) people...I can't wait to wear that black polo-t of theirs and help out in the airport's transit area like a junior Customer Service Officer. I really can't wait to meet so many tourists and greet them with hospitality...in my one of my favourite places in the world!

Oh and we also saw 2 pilots; a Captain and his First Officer going down the lift together (I recognize them by the number of stripes on their shoulders. Captains have 4 stripes, First Officers have 3). I long to be friends with a First Officer, because they're still new to their profession, so they have lots to share about their experiences at work! (Aaahh!!! Shinkai-san! Koda-san! I miss watching 'Good Luck' so much!!)(I'm going to start crying again..haha)

Nyaa!! I love the airport a lot. Heehee!

I realized some of my posts are kind of embarrassing...such private stuffs...but I guess at the time of typing those posts I didn't mind letting people in on those secrets. Now that I look at it they do seem very private indeed...why on earth did I leave it on my blog and let the whole world read them?? Haha..I don't regret posting them though, because they are after all part of my life story, and that's what blogs are for, for you to tell your story to the world.

So yah. I still admit it that I do have a crush on some people. Nyahahahaha! One day you might even see me blatantly typing out on my blog the full name of those guys that I have a crush on!

It's OVER.

2006-03-14T16:31:00.000+08:00

Okie dokie! I've completed my online pre-enrolment! That's done...

I'm happy I've got that done and over with, but actually I'm feeling as if my boyfriend just died or something (not that I have one..) 'cos anyway I cried like mad yesterday. I even got told off ("f*cking hell!" he said.) by someone for being too emotional all the time. Haha. It's a very big loss to me...although I'm now free of certain things due to that reason. I can't be happy, can't be sad...

I just told Jer that I once had a crush on a certain someone before. And Jer said she's suspected it for some time. I can't help it; he behaves and even looks like Kwon Sang Woo (who acted as 'Che Chengjun') in 'Stairway to Heaven'! And honestly his demeanour really attracts me...haih...whether he hates me or not...

Oh wait, maybe I should change the "once had a crush" to "still having a crush". Hahaha. My words are revealing too much.

Nyah...my sister is now officially proclaimed 'Tamako-hime' ('Princess Egg-cat') by herself and me. I'm 'Potato-hime'('Princess Potato'), by the way.

Oh, and I guess I have a crush on yet *another* person now...Mr Prince Charming (because he really does look and behave like one, although he's married..)(Oh no...you guys are gonna think I'm going after married guys now, right?!) (Hell no! Mr 'Chengjun-lookalike' is still single, by the way.)

Reaching the end..

2006-03-12T17:17:00.000+08:00

I still have yet to start playing Maple. Ahaha.

Tomorrow, everyone in Alpha has to wear black top and black bottom. I wonder why...but anyways I'll be bringing a camera to take pics of my colleagues!! Heehee...

Random thought: I miss the airport...

Oh. Haha. (What's up with my 'haha's today??) I've just cut my hair, by the way. It's very short now...it reminds me of Natarlie's hair (Natarlie, Archangel's 2nd-in-command, from 'Gundam Seed') Yup. If I recall correctly, I said my previous hairstyle reminded me of another anime chara...

Random thought: I miss First Officer Shinkai-san...and Captain Koda-san...

And my sister is currently picking white hair from my head as I'm typing this 'report'...crazy sister. Nothing better to do.

Oh the other day Syaz was emcee for Alpha's morning training. And we played charades. You know, the game where you act out the word/phrase to let your team members guess? Yah. And the word I had to act out was 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious'...imagine my shock when I got to know...and, my team members weren't able to recall the full word...

Random thought: One of my ambitions recently was to become an Airbus pilot. Actually a Boeing will be fine as well.

Oh hey! Tomorrow I'll be putting on make-up! Tomorrow's my sister's 1st day at work too! And last week...I had fun doing delivery for Biomag Star and Biomag Ban. Travel here, travel there... This week I'll be going cycling, and during the weekend there's a cosplay event at Snow City! I wanna go in my yukata!

Yadayada...tomorrow till Wednesday I'll have my turn to do the online pre-enrolment for entering Singapore Poly. Can't wait to go for the real enrolment!

Random thought: I'll still be able to work in the airport...if I choose CYA as my CCA in SP!

Couldn't be any weirder...

2006-03-03T20:24:00.000+08:00

I started the day bad...my dad didn't allow me to go for the 2-days-1-night Leadership Training Camp at Pulau Ubin with Alpha (MagSTORM and Magnius United are joining forces to become Alpha), and he kept reminding me to think through my life carefully, whether I want to work or go to school. He insisted that LTC is only for people who are gonna be 'leaders' in the company; I'm only a temporary, so he sees no need nor reason for me to attend the Camp.Well...I started the day feeling utterly upset about not being able to take part in the training with all my colleagues, and the only thing that made me feel better was that I wouldn't have to spend my money on buying the camping supplies.

My dad made me choose between going for the camp, and continuing on to my polytechnic education. If I go for the camp, he wouldn't support me to go to school at all. He wouldn't pay for my fees, give me pocket money, pay for my transport. I can't afford that to happen. So I stayed behind instead of meeting my team members at Lavender at 8am to buy the camping supplies.

Later I checked my JAE posting results..

In 3 years time, I'm gonna be an Assistant Landscape Architect. Maybe in 5 years I'll be a Landscape Architect!

Yup! I got into S'pore Poly's Dipl in Landscape Architecture course. Knowing that I managed to get into my 1st choice course made me feel better...now I'm suddenly reminded of the ad SP put at bus stops, the one with Taufik Batisah saying, "Be cool. Make Singapore Polytechnic your 1st choice." Haha, I did, and I got in. Woohoo!!

Yeah...then I still felt upset about my work-vs-family problem, so I called up my friend to meet up with her. I haven't met her for more than a week, and it seems that both of us are doing fine. She's happy being attached now; she's just got a boyfriend. Well, I'm happy for her!

Oh yeah...I wanna tell you about what happened yesterday...yesterday the whole of Alpha had to 'break zero', and more than half the group managed to do that within 2 hours the 'competition' started. I was madly lagging behind, it seemed almost impossible for me to 'break zero'. So my director Ms Jaslin asked me if I really wanted to go for the LTC. Of course I said I want to. Guess what she did? She pulled me to my Executive Director's room, and made me commit to him that I will 'break zero' by 10pm (it was 4-something). Mr Peter shook my hand and put his confidence in me. And if that wasn't scary enough, Ms Jaslin brought me to another ED's room, the one whom we nickname 'Director trainer', for all the many individuals that he had trained up to become Directors in the company. It wasn't only Mr Desmond in his room, one of his protege, JVD Mr Richard, was in too. And OMG I had to commit to BOTH of them that I'll 'break zero' by that day. I've never spoke to either of them before, they don't even know me nor my name, yet they kept on smiling, listened to me, and gave me their support and encouragement. Mr Desmond even said, "Don't worry, 'break zero' sure can wan!" And both of them laughed when I started crying out of pressure. Now I had 2 ED's and 2 JVD's trust in me. So wahpiang I had to die-die 'break zero' lor. But I won't tell you how. I did manage to 'break zero' by 6pm.

Haha...I'll never forget the severe look on Mr Peter's face, the very encouraging look on Mr Desmond's face and the slightly amused look on Mr Richard's face. Haha. HAHAHAHA...well at least I'm glad I didn't fail them afterall. Thanks to their support.

I LOVE THEM!!

Hayashida Heihachi

2006-02-28T08:46:00.000+08:00

I just can't quit listening to 'Fuhen' over and over again!! Aaargh!! The ending song of 'Samurai 7' is way too good to tear your ears away from...

Oh, hey guys, guess what? I've watched the befamed 'Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex' as well as its '2nd GIG'! Whoah...I didn't know my love for machines and human-robots could grow any deeper than after watching 'Gundam Seed Destiny' and 'Appleseed'! Man, Tachikomas are just *so* cute...

And, referring to my 2nd previous post before this, and also the tags made by someone who calls herself '4e9', actually I think you've got it wrong. All wrong. When I was writing that depressed post I wasn't *at all* thinking about my life in school. Hate to admit it, but I've not thought much about my secondary school pals ever since I've started working. And the people that I was attempting to reach out to, they weren't in the least my pri/sec sch friends either. It was my colleagues. And by the way, whoever it was, I assume you're representing the whole class population since you used the name '4e9'. Well, but anyway your tags pulled me back to my past...and made me realize how much I've changed in just these 1-2 months of being in the working world. I daresay I'm different now than what I was when I was just still a student. And also, anyway, I've always known what you've told me, that my friends hate me for my constant lying. I've always known. So the tags really didn't make much of an impact on me, other than that finally, *finally*, someone put them in words and stung my face with it for me to confirm my thoughts with that of reality.

Oookay, now back to happy mood...'heihachi' is my new AsiaSoft account ID, and along with it 'aishiteruto' being my new 'Maple Story' account ID! I couldn't resist naming myself after the great Heihachi-sama from 'Samurai 7'! Three cheers for the technical-smart samurai, Hayashida Heihachi!

'Matantei Loki Ragnarok' is *way* cool too! The BGM and op/ed especially, not forgetting that the anime is a brilliant mix of mythology, action, and good-looking characters! 'Rakuen no Tobira' and 'Believe in Heaven' are simply such sexy songs...suited to the actually-sexy Loki too!

Heeeh...well, gotta go eat cereal and iron my clothes now. I've had a lot of fun typing out this post. And also having changed my blog template! How could I have forgotten to mention that earlier! Hope you like this new template of the orange mushroom from 'Maple Story'! This template was what moved me to create a 'Maple Story' account today...haha...now I'm on my way to be in league with my colleagues who've been playing the game for ages!

with all that, and what nots...

2006-02-20T11:18:00.000+08:00

Oh. Right. Yesterday my mum chased me outta the house when I told her I was going to work. And when I reached home, my 2nd sis greets me with the news that my mum wants to see my bank book. Bet she wants to check how much's my pay. For goodness's sake, I don't care about my pay! I mean, so what if she can provide me with all the money and food - can she provide me with the working experience that I'm receiving by going to work? Can she? By forcing me to stay at home, can she give me the challenge of the working world? C'mon man...fact is she can't.

Okay...rightie...I really have been enjoying my time at work. With new people coming in and what not, I feel more than happy to be staying on for as long as I can! :) Yup yup. No one's gonna stop me from going to work.

I can't wait for my friend to go through 2nd interview with Mr Kelvin! Yay!

And, by the way, I feel hell happy for having been married to MagSTORM for more than a month now. Haha! (^o^)

Feeling screwed.

2006-02-13T10:06:00.000+08:00

Right now, what I really need is someone to listen patiently to me. Listen to my cries of confusion. Lend me his/her shoulder. To cry on. And then let me hug him/her until I feel secure enough to let go and stand on my own again. That's what I need the most. A person understands and knows what I'm talking about. And be kind enough to give me a long hug in return.

I'm not being demanding, am I? 'Cos that really is what I need the most at this moment. I'm always there if anyone wants those things of me, but so far no one has ever been there for me. Right now when I need it, no one is here for me.

I really do have no real friends to seek for, do I?

I can't be like how I've always been anymore. I used to be able to shoulder my own problems, hold myself steady on my own, and walk on...but now I'm tired of having no one to hold on to. Tired of having to support myself. I can't stand this any longer; I wish to have someone by my side to comfort me, help me up and guide me on. But no one will ever do that for me. So I'm lost.

I do have someone particular in mind to shout out to, but he's...I have no right to ask him, 'cos...I dunno. He's not exactly my friend, but he can help me. He is capable of giving me what I need now. Even so, no matter how much he might care for me, I can't call on him...So then again. No one for me to turn to.

I'm always the one giving my all in a friendship. I'm always the one willing to make sacrifices just to make my friends smile. But I'm also always the one who receives nothing in return. I smile so that they can smile with me. But I've never smiled because they move me so. Never because I truly feel happy inside. It's always for others that I smile. Never for myself.

It's true. I'm a loner.

It's been a LONG time..

2006-02-08T22:05:00.000+08:00

So. I almost forgot to blog again. I happened to have a few minutes at the computer now, so I'm blogging and also on MSN. But sheesh, no one's online. Bah.

K. Work's been how I like it to be. Really. The challenge of being in this line has started to sink in. Now whenever I think that I'm feeling like crap, I'd be glad enough to know that I've survived this far. But that's not enough to push me forward. What really keeps me going is the fact that I've people who are really concerned about me, and I can't bring myself to let them down, so I'll do my best to make them smile. TBF. I'm still sticking to that rule. Trust, Believe, Follow.

Well, peepz, if you've been reading up on my blog and feel that my job seems interesting, then you're most welcome to join me if you'd like to. K? I'd of course be more than happy to work with my friends!

Okie, okie. My neechan wants to use the comp now. Bye bye!

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

2006-01-28T19:19:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is Chinese New Year! We'll be ushering in the Year of the Dog! Anyone out there I know who's born in the Year of the Dog? Sohma Shigure must be happy!

OKie...problem...my family really doesn't like me working at all. Especially since the other day, MagSTORM went out for a CNY celebration at Paradiz Ctr's K-Box (after a DW-organized buffet @ the office's balcony), and I reached home very late. But not as late as the others! I heard they got home around 4am the next morning! But in any case they didn't know I went there, only that they're very mad that I reached home after 12am. Hmm...I don't know how to appease the tense situation at home...

Anyway, you guys out there, I've one important message to tell you...:

NEVER give up.

Stick to that principle and you'll succeed in whatever you do.

Wow it's been a long time I logged in to Friendster...I'm working on looking for my colleagues and adding them into my friends list. I won't be seeing any of them for a couple of days...oh I'll really miss them all!!!

By the way I think I should've brought the family's new digicam to the CNY celebration last Thursday. Oh and one more important announcement: I love Mr Kelvin's car! I've always thought, What's so good about a car that there are people out there who get all obsessed about cars? When I got a chance to ride in his car that day when we went to Paradiz Ctr, that's where I found my answer...It's all on the inside. Whaa!!! I was so so so so very very very lucky to get to ride Mr Kelvin's car!!

Okay! Me lazy to type out lots right now, so see you guys again soon! Results (as in 'O' Level results) will be out next month! Good luck to all! *muacks*

Happy Birthday, my dear niece!

2006-01-23T07:30:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, my dad bought a digicam.

More importantly, yesterday I didn't go to work.

But even more important than that, yesterday was Min-chan's 1st birthday!

So in advance, I got permission from my director not to come on Sunday (yesterday). And came Sunday morning, I totally forgot that there's Gundam Seed Destiny to watch at 11am. Haha. I actually forgot about anime!!! In any case, I watched it, and a later after having a bath we all set off to Compass Point! 1st thing done was buying a digicam. Dunno why my dad so suddenly insisted on buying one. At least now we own one! Then after a little bit of shopping, we went to oneechan's place. Oniichan's family was there already, waiting for us. And little baby Yasmin was wearing a beautiful white princess-like gown! She seemed to like it, even though it looked uncomfortable.

But I still feel guilty for not coming to work yesterday. Kept thinking of how to 'cabut' and go for appointments. Haha. Like I told a few people, I love my job as much as I love my niece. That's why I still insisted on going to the birthday party even though I was supposed to go to work. I guess I do owe her one, for her parents getting the Biomag Star from me. Oh I love my niece!!

Otanjyoubi Omedettou, Min-chan!

Oh well, oh well, I will be going back to work today! Yay! And arrangements have been made for me to go to work with Syazwani-senpai! And better still, I get to see my manager today! Oh, don't get it wrong, I don't have a crush on my collegues or something, it's just that I simply feel so bonded to them all, I want to see them everyday, to get to work with them all the time. And Manager's usually only in on weekends, so I'll be more than happy to see him at work today! I want to see everyone at work today!

Yeah it seems the 4 years of girls' school education has made me a little conservative towards guys. But one thing I dared to do from the moment I stepped into the company, is to look straight into the eyes of the people talking to me, like I've really got nothing to hide. Heehee. Evidence of confidence boost. I've also suddenly and totally stopped telling lies to attract attention altogether. I feel like a much more better person now than before. Thank you so much for letting me work with MagSTORM!!!

Ah! I haven't ironed my clothes for today! Ok, that's all, byebye!!

MagSTORM, Morning Good!

2006-01-17T07:23:00.000+08:00

Hey guys, sorry for updating yah late, but I'm working now.

Haha, is it a shock? So many a time I told you I've yet to find a job...still rotting...even in the last post, I was still only spending time at home. But now, I'm happily, energetically, and enthusiastically working in DW Group as an Accounts Executive (on Probation). It's a Sales and Marketing job. Actually the day of my previous post, that was when I received the job offer from my classmate Syazwani. Well, she WAS my classmate, now she's my 'sempai' ('senior' in Japanese). Asked me if I needed a job. And I was like, "Wahlau eh...your lucky day; you caught me at the right time! Yah I'm looking for a job right now."

So I went for 1st round of interview...with this very strict and scary lady. Gave me the go to proceed to 2nd and last round of interview on the next day. That same 1st day I got to know what the company was all about, i.e. dealing with Biomagnetics. Oh, and so the next day I came back for the 2nd interview with another person, a man. (I WILL NOT disclose what happened during the interview...it's too emotional to be expressed in words.) And he too gave me the go to start work on that very day. So I did.

Next day, 2nd day of work. We were told about company rules and also all the important people that run DW. And, oho hey presto, that's when I got to REALLY, VERY CLEARLY, understand who were those 4 people I wasn't very sure of...my 2 interviewers are my Directors, the person explaining to us these stuffs is my Manager, and my Presenter-cum-Orientator is Zee, my senior, same as Syaz. Oh but on this 2nd day my head felt dumb lah...so light-headed, made a spectacle of myself by stopping every now and then to try stop the whizzing. Also this day (Saturday, by the way) was the 1st time we had a group dinner; Manager brought us out to BK. And so happened that later in the evening our 2 Directors came to further explain other newly-made company rules. And a game was started by Mr Kelvin(our male Director). MagSTORM was divided into 2 teams, MagSTORM and MS LaserARCH. The purpose is for us to compete, see who can complete more appointments. I'm in MagSTORM, by the way, with Mr Alvin(Manager), Syaz, and 2 fellow AE(Ps). LaserARCH's an all-girls team. Haha. But that doesn't mean they'll win, no matter how good Ms Jaslin(our female Director) is supporting them. There's a deadline for the competition, and the team that loses...wahlau I CANNOT let my team lose, 'cause the penalty is quite huge...

Sunday came, and I STILL went to work. Yup, it's a 7-days-a-week affair. But anyway this day, an important announcement was told during the important meeting. Too complexed to explain, so I won't. But anyway everything went so fast, and off I was for an appointment with a client, attached to Zee as my senior.

Then Monday. Cool day. 1st time ever we had training session with Mr Peter, MagSTORM's Executive Director. And also 1st time ever our group had dinner with BOTH our Directors. Manager not in. And wahpiang I was sandwiched between the 2 Directors at the coffeeshop table.

It may just have been 4 days, but already I've seen changes in the way I look at situations and think about things. It seems I never ever think "I'll try" anymore; now it's always "I'll definitely do." Despite my family's unsupportive stance as to my job, I still love going to work. I come punctually, I want to leave late. Once I even wanted to stay overnight at the office, 'cause it was only 1 hr away to midnight. But of course I didn't lah.

I love this job. I think I'll find it hard to leave once 2 months is over (2 months because by the 3rd, Poly would have started and I don't want to work and go to school at the same time). Haha. Really, I love this job to the extent that right now I'm defying against my mom just to attend work. Love it.

Shop. Shop..? SHOP!!!

2006-01-11T11:06:00.000+08:00

Yay! Me going to shop a lot today!
1st stop: Marina Square/Citylink to check out on Happy House bedsheets.
Next: Orchard's Metro Paragon to get my mom's CNY pressies for her colleagues.
Then: Robinsons Centerpoint to check out the Cozy Kids bedsheets.
And...: KKnM and What!Comics!!! To get my pen-pal's belated 'Furuba Kyo stuff toy' birthday present, Amanda's D.N.Angel and Tsubasa Chronicles mirrors, and maybe Fullmetal Alchemist or Furuba merchandise for myself!!
After that, we'll see the bedsheets...whichever the better choice, I'll go and buy that one. It's for my niece's birthday present from my 2nd Sis and me.

Oh yeah! By the way, yesterday was Hari Raya Haji, so Kakak, Abang and Min-chan came to our house! They brought along a HUGE, GOOEY, DELICIOUS Toblerone-based chocolate fudge cake for us! YUMMY!!! (I've just gone to get one piece again...) Wow, she makes the best cakes EVER!!!

Okay, okay...my dad just went out. Didn't tell me where he's going though. Oh well. I'm in the process of sending Nazurah the 4 'Ayashi no Ceres' mp3s that I have. She likes Watase Yuu so much. Heh.

Mnn...I'm trying out a fanart right now...to send in to M.A.G.E. magazine. The theme's 'Holiday celebrations', so I've decided to do a scene of 'New Year's at the Sohmas', with Shigure dancing as the ritual for being the 'dog' in the chinese zodiac, ushering in the Year of the Dog. I have to find good pics of Shigure though, and maybe pics of that scene in Furuba where it was Yuki's turn to dance to usher in the Year of the Rat. Hmm...hope I can do it well...I did a mini fanart project the other day...apparently my copy-and-adopt skills are quite okay.

Next week'll be such a busy week. 4 out of 5 polytechnics will be hosting their Open Houses next week. This year I'll be going to all the 5 poly's OHs! Can't wait to see Temasek Poly's Kendo club, and MORE of Singapore Poly's Landscape Architecture diploma, as well as the Digital Media and Animation diplomas of all the polys! I've yet to sort my choices out on this matter, you see...

Oh, the mp3s transfers are done. Okay...

Anyways, peeps, I realise I do LOVE Furuba. Although it's a bit late and outdated...haha...but my 1st encounter with it was very brief; that was 5 years ago? Think so. Now that I'm reading the mangas, I'm hoping to get to finish up the whole manga series before my poly life starts to get on me!

The cat or the rat? Or even the ox, or the dog, or rabbit, or goat, dragon, snake? I dunno! All the Sohmas are SO good-looking!

Hagane no Renkinjutsushi

2006-01-05T19:56:00.000+08:00

Woah! 1st time me blogging 2 times in a day...haha. I simply forgot to put something in the previous post...something quite important...

The other day, when I was combing my hair before going out, I tied it up at the back, near the nape. Then I put my fringe to one side...and with the wonders of my hair-conditioning gel, horror of all horrors (or should I say wonder of all wonders), I stared at myself in the mirror...and
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I looked like Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist! Gawd, the hair! EXACTLY SIMILAR!!! If only my hair was yellow-blonde...and if I was a tat taller...man, I wouldv'e made a good Riza cosplayer.

Okay, yah. That's the important thing I wanted so dyingly to post about. What can be more important than news that I look like an anime character?! By the way I've just finished watching up to ep.12 of Hagane no Renkinjutsushi (a.k.a. Fullmetal Alchemist) So much so that I was motivated to go find a good picture of a transmutation cicle, and I did find one:

Nice? That's for human transmutation, mind you. (To transmute is to create/destroy something, using something else of equivilant value. In human transmutation...well, that means we're making humans here.)

The cat or the mouse...?

2006-01-05T13:04:00.000+08:00

Yah! A new blog template for the new year! Is it nice? I just got inspired after reading the Fruits basket manga my sister borrowed from her school library, and after receiving an e-mail from my pen-pal who LOVES Kyo from Fruits Basket.

Have YOU read Furuba? It's really a sweet and funny story. Once in a while with dark themes (esp. when Akito comes about...) For some reason I got hooked to the anime/manga again this time. And have been listening to "For Fruits Basket" by the late Okazaki Ritsuko. Her voice is so young! Brings back memoriesof OBS...

Oh! This is also my 1st post of the year eh? Happy New Year minna-san! My eldest sister's (as well as Amanda's) birthday was yesterday. Onechan didn't come over, though. But I composed a Happy Bday tune on my handphone and sent her an MMS. I can't wait to give her the pressies and 2nd sis and I got for her!

Ah...ritey...some of you may have noticed, I didn't mention anything about school or work. That's because, I'm not attending the 3-months course, and i haven't found a job either. Still looking...

Zoning out.

2005-12-30T13:03:00.000+08:00

Man, I haven't blogged for AGES!!!
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And I feel as if I've been watching anime and reading manga for CENTURIES!!!
Oh well, thanks to my subconscious mind...I didn't realise earlier that I've actually spent around $70 just on renting mangas alone, all in one month. And now, I'm only gonna be getting $50 for January from my dad. That's just enough to top-up my Ez-Link card and Hi!Card. None to eat. Or to buy new stuff. Or to rent more mangas. Worse of all...

None to buy my eldest sister and my niece their birthday presents. Aww man...

But anyways, you guys, if you're thinking of asking me to go out, I can't. Not because I don't have the money to eat but because I can't. I shouldn't. I'm advised not to. Whatever. I just can't go out much.

Oh how I wish I were friends with a doctor who's a family man and works in a hospital, with a bit of a status. Or friends with a lawyer who actually is totally broke but still willing to fight for an almost-lost-cause case. Don't ask me why.

It's tiring here. All I can do is sit up on the 'bed'. Ask for food. Use the comp. SMS. Read mangas. Watch anime. Write letters. Do cross-stitch. Can't go out. Can't even go for a short stroll. Luckily the ones I need the most are always within my call. Well, at least I have people to talk to. And they can be persuaded to take me out for a while.

Don't ask what happened to me. Or where I am. I won't answer you.

Still, all the more reason for me to go look for a job. I still have been unsuccessful at finding one. Ganbatte-masu!

Okie. Oh ya! By the way, I've just (and FINALLY) bought Juvenile Orion vol. 2!! The story's getting funner and funnier, at the same time darker and scarier. That's how I like it!

A righteous boy...that's right.

2005-12-09T13:07:00.000+08:00

I couldn't help. But let my tears fall onto my cheeks. As again. I heard that sentence. In that scene.

"Harry, bring my body back to my father."

In loving memory of Cedric Diggory.

I watched HPGOF again yesterday, this time alone at my favourite cinema, GV Marina. And this time its in digital format, so the picture was much much more clearer. Oh well, and thus made me cry much much more harder when I watched that heart-wrenching scene again. What Dumbledore said during Cedric's memorial service was true: Cedric was "...a brave and true friend, right till the end." (if I quoted correctly) Cedric did not run away when he saw Wormtail at the graveyard, even though he knew something very dangerous was about to happen. Instead, he stood his ground and attempted to protect Harry and himself from the impending danger. And died in doing so.

If only he knew that Wormtail was carrying the Dark Lord, would he have ran away?

Maybe.

But I believe he would've brought Harry along with him.

Anyways, today's the 1st morning I'm spending at my own house after a 2-night sleepover at my sister's house. It was fun, taking care of my niece. And she cries like an adult! She'll start crying whenever her parents are out of sight for some time. She'll be on her knees, bending down touching the floor, and crying head down. Haha. Cute lil' Yasmin.

Still...I wish I had known more of Cedric Diggory. Such a fine guy.

Otanjyoubi!!

2005-12-02T15:40:00.000+08:00

Yay! Kinou(yesterday) was my birthday! Nothing much...but lemme highlight the best parts...

I got to meet Haku-kun again after like 2-3 years!

Naru-kun and Haku-kun gave me a Pooh plushie...heh...

Watched HPGOF with Jya-chan and Rai-chan!

Got a Petit Studio GSDestiny figurine...Lunamaria!

Min-chan and onechan came over!

Min-chan gave me a bday pressie too...a Hello Kitty sweets set!

Got 2 Pizza Hut pizzas!

Sleepover at onechan's house!

Get to see Min-chan!!!

(*Haku-kun = Hafiz
Naru-kun = Nasir
HPGOF = Harry Potter 4
Jya-chan = Jerusha;
Rai-chan = Raidah;
Min-chan = Yasmin, my niece;
onechan = my eldest sis)

Hahaha!!! Nice sleeping in Min-chan's room! Got a hard bed but hey, better than nothing, especially when the fan was so strong!!

Okay I don't feel like typing anymore. Btw, to all you guys and gals who wished me Happy Birthday, thanks a lot for your well wishes!!

Kareshi Kanojyo no Mise eh?

2005-11-18T20:50:00.000+08:00

I did it! I FINALLY did it! I went to chill out at KKnM today!

Oh ya, History paper...it was as good as not doing the SEQ. I didn't know how to answer any of the 3 qns at all, so I picked one that seemed the least vaguely familiar topic. Stalin. Oh goodness. I felt like crying before, during, and after the paper. Luckily Raidah was there to unintentionally help me get back on my feet by deciding to go out with me to Orchard and Plaza Singapura.

Crazy. And I had a horrible tummyache thanks to not eating anything for hours.

Then she left for home, and I headed to Sunshine Plaza. I looked around the mangas...looked around the OSTs...looked around the merchandise...yeah. I found the Appleseed OST which I'll buy for my sis's birthday next year. And I saw a whole load of new mangas and merchandise. So anyway I bought...the 2006 Gundam Seed Destiny organiser refill set!!! So proud of myself. Now, my anime merchandise collection includes:

Gundam Seed Kira and Lacus handphone cleaner
Gundam Seed Haro talking keychain
Gundam Seed Haro room lamp
Gundam Seed postcard book
Gundam Seed organiser sticker set
Gundam Seed mini figurines set
Inuyasha pencil caps
Peacemaker Kurogane postcard letter set
Rurouni Kenshin postcard letter set
Gundam Seed Destiny 2006 organiser refill set
Gundam Seed Destiny card pack

Well I dunno if I've missed anything out. heh.

But this is definitely fun! I'll definitely use my organiser every single day next year just so that I can get to see Athrun, Shinn, Rey, Dullindal, Lunamaria, Cagalli, Lacus, Yzak, Stellar, Meyrin, Kira, Sting and Auel!!!

Oh...yah...I've yet to open the Gundam Seed Destiny card pack that I bought just now too. Later, later...must finish using the comp before my sister gets home...

Oh, back to my story. I bought the oraniser refill set, then I sat at the shop's lounge area, reading the Jap and American anime/manga magazines...there I got to know of many more mangas that I wish to read! Especially this one titled "Kaze Hikaru" which will be released in S'pore in January. It's about the beginnings of the Shinsengumi.

So I sat there, reading and reading, interspaced with SMSs from and to Raidah who was so excited that she finally found and bought her Oceans 11 vcd. And once in a while dropped my jaw at the wonderful contents of the mag I was reading, then ran off to the mangas shelves and looked for the manga that I just saw featured in the mag. I stayed there for a LONG time, before I realised, hey, I promised myself to go here to chill out after my papers, and I actually did it! Without intending to!

After exactly 4 whole hours in the shop, I went to drop by at La Tendo which was a few shops down, which was where I bought the GSeedDestiny card pack. Took a bus to Little India, NEL to Outram and EWL to Bedok. And needless to say, 225 to home. What a fun day, I thought, despite the crap I did with my History paper.

Well, while typing this I'm actually looking for a new blogskin. We'll see if I'll have found one by the time I finish using the comp. G'bye for now!

asagawa-xanax

Jealousy Rears its Ugly Head

Drop it.

Alone. Together.

Nothing.

haunted by love~

The final two months.

1st of December is approaching~~

next week.

Hanarebanare.

DOKO??!?!

Do you agree with my chosen dæmon? Please comment!

恋人.

Shigeru. My harddisk I named after a fictitious character I have much respect and fantasies for.

"Don't worry about it, alright?"

Cannot pick up item. Inventory is full. Please clear inventory.

my IE is back to normal!!

101st post.haha.

project task breakdown.

i felt so detestable.

they took a candid shot of me with that Finepix.

Three hundred and thirty-six days. 336.

Fat ones, skinny ones, just like you XD

Fly Me To The Moon..

Ouh. Need a new template.

Oops. Haha XD

My 17th year on the face of this earth :)

Sleepless night~

Exquisite. Makes me feel refined.

Tobira no Mukou e

all because she wants me to blog. haha

Crying and loving.

PPCDL!!!

Its so cold...

I really wanna blog... but about what?

Towa no Hana; Flower of Eternity

Technorati desuka?

atashi no results wa DOKO DAYO??!!

i'm hurting all over~

2 weeks desu ka?

The hurt, the pain...

At the end of all things...

Shrubs and Brushes

Appreciation~

OM effing shit.

Satisfaction! ^^

EH??!

Aitai~

Aitai~

July!

Weird tidings and timings..

Too poetic...

Ubin is calling out to me...

Dumb Jerusha.

Hentai is getting to me...

End of e-Learning week!

Hot Sunday morning.

Turning delinquent.

3r²

Gelato. Don't ask me why. Haha.

*sigh...* *smiles*

screw me AGAIN?? NO!

I honestly didn't dare. Haha.

Long run.

I'm laaaate!!

Primer 1 due for submission tomorrow...

Silent.

A day of emotional pressure...

Pasir Ris Park again!!

I love my seniors.

After a long time...

Finally!!

Sketchy mood!

Invalid.

It pains me so...

And so begins her new life...

My heart aches to wait...and wait...

The Ai-ou's New Clothes!

Kei Taiho!!

Officially an SP student!

sigh... smiles